Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
I don't wanna live on this planet any more....
All those women crying about husbands, in-laws... open your eyes and see... even if you have loving husband and caring in-laws still your kind will find trivial issues....
@OP
Why don't you share your plan with you mom and dad... I think they will advise you not to ruin your relationship over petty issues.
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
^ And in addition..i would say..in-laws should understand that she is not nokrani. And her husband should be understanding of the fact that..she is NOT obliged to take care of his parents and cook food for them. This is honest truth. She should be provided with her own kitchen in same house. Yes it is possible in joint family system..and i have seen it.
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
this "wear whatever I like for my husband" is only good till its only the two of you. Once you have kids, you have to dress decent for them. So why make it an issue if you are living with in laws. Where whatever you want behind the close doors. Your hubby doesn't like his mothers food or is saying that to please you? If you want to make something else, bring it to the dinner table instead of eating separately. Eating separately once in a while is okay but on a regular basis doesn't seem all that nice in a joint family.
Does your husband has any other siblings or is he the only child?
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
Seriously? Whyh is cooking something different such a big deal? 
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
I hate the fact that in desi culture women are Expected to slot into a family of strangers ... Seriously your not unreasonable to ask for your own space.... Even if you live next door and are there for them 24-7..
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
Seriously? The OP needs to learn to compromise? You've got to be kidding me!
Now to the OP, you seem like a young girl whose a newlywed and absolutely in love with your husband mash'Allah. It sucks that you have to work hard everyday, but are limited to what you can do in the house (in terms of cooking what you would like to eat) - which in my opinion is SO not a big deal! Its every girl's basic right (every human being's infact) to be comfortable in terms of where they live. You waking up @ 9 everyday to cook and clean is no joke. And your desire for a home of your own doesn't make you an anomaly. That's your right. You are entitled to a place of your own where you can have your own domain, raise your children and care for your family. However, I do agree with the others that as wives, we have to be careful when speaking to our husbands, especially when it comes to their parents. If you explain how uncomfortable it is for you to not have a home of your own, perhaps he would understand?
All in all though, I completely understand what you're going through and I sincerely hope it gets better for you iA
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
^I think the point is that she should have raised the issue of wanting to live separately during all those years prior to marrying her husband. She knew that they had done things with the anticipation of the son staying in the house. It also sounds like they don't have the money to move out if he's still studying. The existing arrangement has huge room for improvement if the people involved try.
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
First of all, I want to thank everyone that's offered their two cents and given some advice/support.
But I'd like to clarify a few issues if that's ok. I think it was Paheli that asked, but yes I do know how to cook desi food - I'd say around 20% of the time I cook the meal alone, 40% help my MIL and 40% she cooks it herself. Also, DH did tell me that his parents had plans to move back to Pakistan after a few years, he told me this before we got married multiple times and emphasised that the house would be ours and that was the purpose for all the renovating etc so that they could give their youngest son and his family a ready-made house with no rent or mortgage payments to worry about. He has 2 older siblings.
And perhaps I wasn't clear but 9am is still considered too late to wake up - my MIL has told me many times that continuing the way I am is not going to be beneficial in terms of the way I'll run the house and look after my family in a few years. I've told my husband that I don't get why she's worrying, it's common fact that once you have children you HAVE to wake up super early anyway and this is my only 'relaxing' time before we have a family.
And it's other little niggles I have like having to wash and dry my underwear in my room - I swear my room smells of damp all the time and this is all because I can't wash my undies in the machine or dry with the rest of the clothes - MIL must have seen something once and went mad, telling us it's not appropriate etc. to wear nice underwear :S Me and hubby were like, erm its underneath my clothes so what does it matter? but she maintained it's a sign of loose morals to wear padded bras or skimpy knickers. That was a very awkward lecture.
But I feel the main problem they have with me is that I don't spend enough time with my MIL and FIL and they feel lonely. I mean, like I said, I like them alot and do enjoy speaking to them but it feels so forced knowing they expect me sit there formally and strike conversation and it doesn't come easy to me. I give the same example to my husband that before marriage I rarely would say to my mum "Ami come and sit down with me, we'll talk" yet now, because I don't see her as much, I make the most of every conversation and talk lots to her. Just seeing the same people everyday is not the same, except for my husband (who I never seem to run out of things to say to), but when I said that to DH and MIL they didn't like the fact that I was distinguishing my husband from everyone else - I was really confused because clearly the relationship dynamics are totally different.
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
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Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
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After all reading this, i thought that i was the one being unreasonable.
Im almost married 6 months, living with parents in law. I do work fulltime.
I think 5 days im with them in the weekdays, so the weekend is mine. Although u can make it 6 days, becoz i spend the saturday with them and sundays i always go to my mum. My inlaws have never stoppend from doing my things. Going out. having dinners etc. I dont goo to often also. My husband is educated, but having difficulty in finding a job in his field. Although he got an temporary job now.
Whenever i have got fights/arguments with my hubby i always shut up.. becoz if the one is heated up the other should be quiet. My problem is tht i keep things in my heart nd eventually dont talk about it. My thinking on whenever a couple fights tht it should keep in the room... i have never told my family abt my inlaws. My parents in law have most of the time squarrels. Really getting fed up of that.
Before my huge fight, my husband has said a couple of time...shall i give u divorce,,Once i said u shuld not say these things not even think abt it. he said im only joking.....
yeahhh seriously, is there any girl who thinks that this is funny....??
Anywayz it was a very small issue, we had (well my hubby had a fight with me) And i didnt know why he was moody at me.. telling me all the time, go to ur mothers house and dont come. And i didnt know wht was wrong..
Then he said infront of his mom... main isko divorce deh doon to bether hai..
Omg u felt my ground isnt under my feet anymore...like someone took all my clothes and i felt naked. Then his mom told wht r u talking abt.. wht happend... and yet still i kept quit. My mil and i went tht evening somewhere and she asked me.. i said i dont know whts wrong with him.. choti choti baaton ko pakkar lehta hai.. and its just like a woman! My husband has just 2 friends..not sociable. Sooo i told some points to my mil.
The same night i did not talk to my husband. Next day when i came from work... He said to me in front of my mil, wht r u doing here. Go to ur place..U told my mom things abt me, shall i start abt u.. And i still nicely asked him did u eat anything..?
After tht he humiliated me in front of his mother. She is stupid, doesnt she has common sence. I have never stopped her from going nd doing. And she couldnt do tht for me. I promised him to make a dish, then i said to him i didnt got the time, ill make it for u tom. but the next day i was so busy, whent to a ghatam, had a headache. And i completly forgot it. For such a small issue he created a big drama. And now i feel very embarressed in front of my mil, and im very hurt by my husband. We did some talking, but he always thinks whtever he says he's right and i'm wrong. And his mom has spoiled him. He never makes his own breakfast... he's soo lazy to get something to drink. At my place we always used to do things ourselfs even my bro.. If my mom was sleeping nd he was hungry, he would grap his food. And my husband is used to, when im not around ask his mom to get some food and put it in the plate.
Now am soo confused :S ... and am soo hurt... because he humuliated me,said nasty things and i kept quiet. We arent financially strong and i do my own expenses. I have till now never complained, take me out or buy me things, i want this or i want that. Never tortured him mentally. Like i know some girls apne husband ko tang karte hain.. etc...
i have never told my own family abt my parentsinlaw. And still i havent told them anything. Im thinking to tell one of my family member. becoz husband thinks that his mother should know, so if something happends the world should know it wasnt me but you.
Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?
flowerrose please share with your parents. I hope god gives you strength. insAllah everything will be fine. tell your mum plz ! God Bless !