I could have had so much fun with the title but oh well
Ok so we have been married for almost 3 years, ALhamdulillah. We live in the US while the inlaws live in Pakistan. I have met/lived with them for a little while twice so far. The thing is that since i live so far away, i dont have a casual relationship with the inlaws, esp the sisters in law. We will be visiting again this year inshaAllah and i want tips on how to be more friendlier with them. Dont get me wrong, we do talk on the phone and stuff but i can feel this formality that i would like to shed this time we go.
Why not take them out for lunch and a spot of shopping and just be girly ask them what they like and dislike, if they are younger ask them about school/college and be chilled out and jokey.
take some good gifts and just stay relaxed when you speak to all of them, it can be hard, i've lived with my inlaws for only 1 months when i got married and have been in contact via phone since then (2.5 years now)
keep yourself open to talking and spending time with them.
Be yourself and enjoy. Act like you are one of them not a guest.
This time you will have the little one with you and it will be so much easier to be frank with them, specially if your SILs have kids.
Go cloth shopping with them and ask for their opinions/suggestions. Try to spend sometime in kitchen and ask how they cook certain food, even if you already know. It will make them feel better and you will something to talk to.
In the end you are pretty easy going person, you will have pretty good time with them.
alvena, yes all my SIL's are around the same age as me, give or take a couple of years. I dont preach to them, not even my own siblings, since thats my hub's job :D . My husband is very involved with his siblings and they look up to him in terms of decisions and any help they need. So i feel like i have this role to fill as his wife.
The thing is that they dont go shopping for themselves. My MIL usually buys what they need. I on the other hand am pretty independent in some ways so i like to get my own stuff. Ofcourse MIL goes with us. SILs are so busy in household chores that i think it would be too much to ask them to go with me. But maybe i will give it a try and why not. I usually love shopping with my own sister.
Raima, the helping in the kitchen idea sounds good. The last time, my MIL didnt let me do much of anything since it was my first time there after my wedding but inshaAllah this time i will try to help out as much as i can. The only thing is that i am afraid i will mess up the cooking or cook something that the others may not enjoy.
mamaofbaby, i am sure youi know what i mean. Its so hard to be "relaxed" when i dont know thier likes and dislikes yet.
So how do i respond to them if they say something i dont like or agree with? If i were to by totally myself, i would be very straightforward and i am nto sure how that would fly. I dont want to come out as rude but i have this habit of saying exactly what i feel.
You can relax and chat and not worry about the cooking :)
I think as they are over only for a little while if they say something you dont like then ignore it! If its something that needs addressing leave it up to your husband.
So how do i respond to them if they say something i dont like or agree with? If i were to by totally myself, i would be very straightforward and i am nto sure how that would fly. I dont want to come out as rude but i have this habit of saying exactly what i feel.
I dont have that much hands-on experience with my inlaws...especially the SIL's....
I mean I just see them for a while when I visit Pakistan or get to talk to them on the phone once in a while...
I am not sure how others will react to what I am going to suggest....but IMO if you do not like something they say or disagree with you in any way or anything of the sorts...just ignore it...!!
might be easier said than done...
but since you will be there for a few weeks only and you also know that your husband is pretty close to his family...you don't want any 'badmazgee' of any kind....or give them any opportunity to slightly dislike you for your thoughts/opinions....because you actually want to be on nice,friendly and casual terms with them....
this is something I have done...Unfortunately I am not that great enough of a person to forget ...but there were quiet a few things I had to hear on my 2 visits back home after getting married....I kept quiet at that time and it was all well...
Maybe there is some better suggestion out there and maybe I can use it too...but I am glad that I kept quiet at those few times...:)...(although it still makes me mad at times when I think about it....but hey that's another story...:D)
I dont have that much hands-on experience with my inlaws...especially the SIL's....
I mean I just see them for a while when I visit Pakistan or get to talk to them on the phone once in a while...
I am not sure how others will react to what I am going to suggest....but IMO if you do not like something they say or disagree with you in any way or anything of the sorts...just ignore it...!!
might be easier said than done...
but since you will be there for a few weeks only and you also know that your husband is pretty close to his family...you don't want any 'badmazgee' of any kind....or give them any opportunity to slightly dislike you for your thoughts/opinions....because you actually want to be on nice,friendly and casual terms with them....
this is something I have done...Unfortunately I am not that great enough of a person to forget ...but there were quiet a few things I had to hear on my 2 visits back home after getting married....I kept quiet at that time and it was all well...
Maybe there is some better suggestion out there and maybe I can use it too...but I am glad that I kept quiet at those few times...:)...(although it still makes me mad at times when I think about it....but hey that's another story...:D)
Chips that is definitly what any one should do, ignore the bad things and be the neutral party in all family matters that take place in the time you are there.
I don't know how do i respond to them if they say something i dont like or agree with? If i were to by totally myself, i would be very straightforward and i am nto sure how that would fly. I dont want to come out as rude but i have this habit of saying exactly what i feel.
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First try not to pay too much attention, if the topic does not involve you.
or
Simply just say that "if it was you, you will like to do it in this way, explain how would you do it or why you have certain opinion and then also add, it is all up to them to do the final decision".
Helping in kitchen mean, making the salad or tea, setting the table or talking with them when they are cooking. Mostly people do not want you to cook, because it is easier for them to do it instead of telling that where is everything kept.
If i were you i would keep the relationship formal because once things get casual they get ugly too and you always want to keep a distance and not share too much information about your life, your personal opinions and preference(in some aspects) with inlaws. This is just my view according to my experience so feel free to disagree!
i agree with CA. In-laws are never going to be your friends or even the level of friendliness that you have with your own family. No matter how nice they are, its a nazuk bond. Better to keep them at arm's length and not get involved in family politics.
just involve urself with whatever they are doing... dont ask.
If they are in the kitchen.. go there and start chit chatting and asking about what they do and things they are into.
If they have kids, it'll be even more easier for u to just start talking about baby stuff. Its something u can all relate to. So sharing experience and funny things that have happened is always a good start and good way to break the ice.
Ive been married 4 yaers.. and i sometimes still feel formality now and then with my nand, but i know if i just start talking randomly about things that interest her, its like we become best friends for that time :)
with my bhabhi its different.. we're cousins and have known each other for awhile. So we're very open with each other about stuff..
