Re: Nasty Grandma
Mama, I wish you the best with this. I can't imagine losing the love of my life after so many years together, and I remember that your father was ill for a long time. When my grandmother passed away, my grandfather became bitter, angry, and really just wanted to die along with her. They were married for more than 60 years, and were best friends as well as husband and wife.
I think perhaps some of the posters may not understand because of cultural issues. Our parents usually value their independence, and don't WANT to live with us. It has nothing to do with us not wanting them. In the same way, I don't WANT to live with my children, but I will be happy to visit them regularly.
Mama, perhaps so much of her time was taken up with your father's illness that she lost track of friends and interests. This happens frequently, where the primary caregiver has to adjust to not only the loss of the loved one, but also has to transition back to focusing on herself.
I would agree with other posters, perhaps there is something about your middle child that reminds your mother of your father. How did she treat him before your father's death? Otherwise, it is entirely possible that there is something about him that is annoying (it's easy for a mother to overlook these things). :)
I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers. Rest assured that it will get better, but unfortunately it takes a lot of time.