Do any of you see this? My mother was the happiest, most involved mom on the planet while I was growing up. Once my Dad retired and the 3 kids moved out, she started to become mean and its just gotten worse over time. Its reached an all-time high now since my Dad passed on 3 mos ago.
It gets pretty bad, she mostly goes after me, but has also targeted my middle son who is typically really happy and loving but also the most forward/loudest of the 3.
I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to help her become a bit happier or at the least, less nasty.
I would suggest trying to make her listen to some Islamic lectures, u can try making her mind divert to more positive activities...The thing with old age is that , patience is lost...There is that need of being wanted/needed. This is a time where when we as kids were younger, we relied for everything on these parents of ours and they gave the best years of their lives to us...being patient...as u would know yourself too that it takes a village to raise kids:)...Now its our turn to be the same with them.I know it must be very hard on all of you, but Patience and asking Allah Talleh for behtari.
This is alhuda's website...I dont mean to preach , but I have seen that if you put on the audio section and topics or better yet enroll her in the online or over the phone classes, she will attain a whole lot more then just knowledge.She'll also get this feeling of belongingness to a group. I mean it may be hard in the beginning but you would also know how or what she loves to do or did.:)..Inshallah plan accordingly..I know it must be hard, but remember that you are who you are because of Her, your mother:)
Umm… honestly by that age one should be deeply involved into religion… emaan… amaal… improving ibadaat…
Our family is in a similar situation… but in our case its my dadii… dada died a few years ago…she moves around, staying with each son for a few month but never really made life easy for anyone she stays with… most of her friends have passed away as well… and sometimes she start weeping becuz she know she’ll eventually have to “move on”
as I said, the best is to get her involved in emaan amaaal… there are alhuda courses offered for women… where all age groups are welcomed… they’ll keep her busy with learning quran… and she’ll make some pious friendz tooo.. win-win situation…
^^ helpful, it might not be but I can thtinkg of anything else
im sure dat will help her n put her mind sum where else too .. also keep her company take out n make her feel as if u need her invloveness bak in to ur lives mayb she jus feels left out
Agrreed …3 musketeers then…:D…all for one and one for all:D…me going to give u both reputation points:halo:
On the serious note I hope Mama, I pray that Allah gives you patience:)
Mama, is your mom really involved in any hobbies or her church? The red hat club? My aunt was in her late 40s when she was widowed, and she became a really mean and nasty person for awhile. She mostly took it out on her daughter-in-law, and wasn't very nice to her grandkids either. It took about 3-4 years for her to work through the grieving process. I know that your father had a terrible time with his cancer, and chances are your mom hasn't had a chance to grieve or really even rest yet. Was she extremely busy with his care over the past couple of years? Eventually my aunt made friends with a few other widows and single women, and really enjoys life now.
Is there anything that she likes to do? A lot of community colleges have many reduced cost or free courses open to seniors, and many of them involve learning new crafts, a new skill, and so on. She may also want to look into volunteering somewhere that she enjoys, like a museum, zoo, charity shop, etc.
I pray she gets through this difficult time.
Its sounds like shes venting out as a form of her dealing with the grief. She needs time to deal with it...its hard tho esp if ur on the recieving end a lot of the time.
so she started becoming mean after the kids moved out and got worse after dad passed away.... sounds like she doesnt know how to cope with her loneliness? maybe she's feeling unwanted/neglected?
i know some elderly ladies who dun feel special anymore cuz no one turns to them, specially since kids are leading their own life and hubby is no more.
try talkin to her? u know just casual conversations abt ur kids and ur feelings abt ur kids, let her open up abt her thoughts etc, hopefully u might get a clue abt her bottled up feelings out of the conversation.
thank you for the advice ladies. I think for now I should just hang in there and take it. She's not ready to go out and join clubs or socialize. I try to keep her involved and feeling needed without putting her to work. And try to take her out somewhere, anywhere each day just to get out. I think thats the best we can do for the time being. It just gets tough on me and on the boys....its sad how she's living her life now. Stay with me till she gets fed up then go to my sisters and stay with her till she gets fed up there. Seems like she's always angry and unhappy no matter what we do.
she was with your dad for a long, long time. like the other people here said, she's probably still in shock and trying to deal with life without him... i think you've got the right idea- be patient with her, definitely talk to your kids and let them know she doesn't mean it and shes going through a tough time, maybe have a family day of activities you could all participate in... i think above all, give her time.
i think it just comes with age. I feel like my mom nags at me a lot too..and she just started doing it more and more. And she doesn't do it to my sis as much but she does say stuff to her too....i guess i just take it more literally so i feel it more. Try making her think positive....get her out of the house.....
Well my 2 cents, try to give her more support than you previously did, if she behaves nasty with you ask her if there is something she wants to say or share but cannot. When she is nasty with your son, tell her straight away that she has no right to do so and you will not tae it.
Why dont you suggest things that either the two of you can do at home or a hobby that she can do at home by herself? Perhaps gardening, knitting, cooking, or something along those lines. Maybe buy her some books?
… you must have read my mind… its like exaclty the same as I though of…