Re: Narcissistic parents
It’s typical of teenagers to think of themselves as adults, to want to assert themselves…but 18 is still young. I remember being that age and having notions that I vehemently expressed in opposition to my parents…which I realized (at a later point) only reflected my naivete, foolishness, arrogance. Parents are not always wrong and teenagers do tend to lack the foresight that adults have…that ability to think of long-term consequences both good and bad. Be kind and patient to parents; we tend not to realize our transgressions towards them until much later.
Being an "adult’ is about more than just expressing your oppositional views to your parents. It is about more than just moving out and living on your own. Your parents will start seeing you as an “adult” when you earn their trust. You can earn that by simple things…such as bot having to be nagged to do certain chores/tasks around the house…and doing them on your own…without having to be reminded even once. Do those chores/tasks…before your parents even ask you. Be considerate. If mom and dad are tired…take care of things for them and give them a break. Take “initiative” in those things that most teenagers think of as “mundane” and “trivial” and which parents sadly have to remind/nag them about so many times. This little steps will make you come across as mature and win you their trust and hopefully help the parents “let go” a bit. The hardest part (even I’ll admit) is to express your opposing views to parents without raising your voice at them…to show them that you have the ability to communicate maturely and like an adult. Ask them “how their day was”…“how they’re feeling”…these are things that many kids don’t do and it’s part of strengthening bonds and trust…and it helps your image too.
You might think, “Gosh lady…You don’t even know me…how can you assume I don’t already do all those things?” I’m not assuming; I’m speaking generally. There are two sides to a story. The teenager’s side…and the parent’s side. You haven’t provided us with many details about your predicament and it’s still only your side. If we were to ask the parents to share their side of the story, they might reveal all those things that their beloved teenager fails to do that makes them view him/her as still a bacha…and sadly…teenagers tend to be blind to their own flaws/mistakes/shortcomings. Sure there are exceptions among teenagers…but generally that age range can come with a bull-headedness that can rival that of a toddler’s. It’s easy to point finger at parents…and I have done my faur share of that. But looking back at my teen years…I do realize there were many things I could have done differently to improve my parents’ opinion of me…there are many things I wish I could go back and undo and un-say.
More than one perspective here, OP. It cam help to try and see things from the your parents’ point of view too. They can be difficult, I admit, but they are the closest you will come to finding unconditional love. You can be 30 years old and you will still be their “bacha”…you could be shunned by the world…but they will usually be there for you. There tends to be more “good” in our parents than bad. More good than bad…remember that. Cherish them, look at them with kindness, speak to them with kindness, earn their duas. They’re irreplaceable. Be the coolness of their eyes.