Re: Nand..again
I cant believe what a self centered and selfish thread this is. Deeply disturbed by chameli and raatkirani's views. Is it a coincidence that both have names of flowers that are white and smell similar?
Re: Nand..again
^ I thot raat ki rani meant queen of hte night.. not a flower ? 
Re: Nand..again
chaameli, raat ki rani and motia all belong to the same family of flowers/ plants and smell kind of similar.
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ooohhh, i’ve never heard of raatkirani as a flower 
Re: Nand..again
I'm deeply disturbed by individuals that insist on interfering in the newlywed days of a young couple and with people like you who see nothing wrong with that. We go through so much fanfare for our weddings for a reason--because this is a special occasion that comes ONCE IN A LIFETIME.
Nand's divorce is going to be an issue for the nand for the rest of her living days, especially since she has kids with her ex. For the rest of her life, she'll have problems about the kids custody, child support, visitation, education, her own loneliness, regret and remorse over the fractured marriage, etc. She needs to realize that problems don't END with a divorce, they BEGIN with a divorce. It's not as if she has a terminal disease--it's pretty much a manmade problem.
If she was a truly caring sister, she would quiet down her yapping for a few weeks and allow her brother to get married without any heartache and without pressuring him with her problems. Can't she show that much altruism for just a few weeks? Must she be an attention wh*re during these days? I never said that the husband ignore his sister or not help her, but she CAN wait a couple of months. And she's a grown woman, not some mentally challenged, disabled child. First she should try to sort things out on her own as best she can. Brother and sister-in-law will definitely be there for her, but give them a chance to celebrate their happiness too.
Amazing how she has problems with her own mother. If, God forbid, I was smelling trouble with my husband, I would sure as heck try to repair any friction I had with my parents because they would be the only ones there for you if things went sour. Chameli has a good head on her shoulders--many people have problems with their parents, but like Chameli, they forgive and forget and move on. Apparently, Nand ji is incapable of doing that, and is now going to caterwaul and demand attention from her NEWLYWED brother. That is the defintion of being incredibly selfish. I have siblings too, and sometimes, I fight with my husband. But I NEVER EVER go complain to my younger brothers because when I was their age, I had a carefree existence and they totally deserve that too, especially if there's an occasion honoring them.
And why is it that anytime a woman sides with the bride, she's automatically considered selfish and egocentric? Fair is fair, and it's unfair for the marriage celebration to be diluted for a chronic, non-health and non-death related problem. You know deep in your heart that what I'm saying is correct. How would you like your own sister or daughter to enter a marriage where all the attention is on a divorce? What if your fiancee's sister was having marital problems, and she was insisting that she and her kids come live with you and your bride a few weeks after your marriage? Could you tolerate your saali coming and ruining the early days of your marriage?
One other note, my beloved naniami became very ill just weeks before my wedding. She knew she wouldn't be alive by the time I had my day, so she sat my mother down, grabbed her hand, and made her swear that regardless what happened, even if she died on the day of the wedding, that my mother would celebrate my wedding with all the fanfare that would happen if she were alive. In her words "Khabardar agar tu nay rona thona shuroo kiya. Sab nay jaana ho ga kisi waqat pay. Iss ki shaadi poori khushi say karni hai warna mujhe bahut takleef ho gi." She passed away four weeks before my wedding day, and while it was very hard on all of us, her and my mother's selflessness was a lesson that stuck by me. I guess in my family, we don't allow our sorrows to stain our happy occasions, and we try our best to bring forward a happy face (even if it's forced) for the sake of the occasion. Nand ji should try doing that.
Confidential to Sara: I picked my screen name from the flower. It's a jasmine plant that releases its fragrance at night. My parents always had the plant in our garden growing up and I have fond memories associated with the smell. :)
Re: Nand..again
^ you just made too much negative assumptions by portraying 'Naand Ji' selfish and blah blah... probably you are relating her to your naand or whatever but let me tell you NOT all Naands are the same; besides you just know the story from one side (by miss chameli) do you really know how she would have been treating her naand in past? who knows how many times chameli had offended her naand (either knowingly or unknowingly). who knows how badly 'naand ji' needs someone to go through with this trauma and who would be better to stand by her other than her brother?
Chameli, a wise woman always try her best to Accept and adjust to the new family first and then later she starts changing things to her own taste. but you had made your naand a big issue for you even before getting married, then how exactly you gonna deal with her after the marriage? ask yourself honestly whether you really gonna accept this sister-brother love (or her interference in your life, as per You) after your wedding /honeymoon period? it doesn't look like you will be because by looking at your various topics and posts on your naand, one can safely tell later you will posting topics like ' me and my husband had to postponed the party because he has to take my naand's kid to the doctor, now what should i do?' or waghair waghaira. maybe you should reconsider getting married to this guy OR delay your wedding and find a decent proposal for your naand first.
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I think you should support your hubby and be kind to your nand. Put yourselve in his shoes and in her shoes, hopefully then you will be able to make better sense out of everything.
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Oh comon, What kind of rubbish is this? Why are you acting like the nand is doing everything on purpose? Its always easy to point fingers. Its always the same with some of you selfish people. If she did this or she did that or he did this or that there wont be any sort of problem. Right. Yes you go thru some much fanfare etc. and everything but if it really bothers her, she should postpone the wedding. Her newlywed days are PLANNED, she has a FEW WEEKS to postpone them and if she really wants to SHE CAN postpone them. problem solved. If she has more issues with her she should talk to her and tell her whats on her mind. LOL If she was truly caring, or he truly did that for me. Its always the other right? 
Really pathetic and selfish.
Something like this perhaps?
Dear nand,
I really like you sort of. But I m getting married in a few days. I know you must be very depressed and sad and I m sure you would like to talk to some one. And such things are very hard to cope with and its best you talk to someone. But please dont disturb me and my hubby during the honeymoon oke? Or if possible please postpone the divorce. Just till we get back.
Loads of love and kisses, muah muah
Your bhabi
Re: Nand..again
Dutchpaki and Yourfriend,
Perhaps you two need to reread Chamelis post. She’s simply upset that the nand’s divorce is taking center stage rather than the khushi of her wedding. You are dismissing her valid feelings as if they don’t have a right to exist. For God’s sake, she’s getting married, she wants it to be special and she wants everyone to be happy for her and with her.
Neither of one of you was able to answer the questions I posed if the shoe was on the other foot. 
It would be extremely annoying if you had a saali like her nand, or if your own daughter had to go through what Chameli’s going through, no doubt. I’d see how far your sympathy would stretch if that was interfering with your wedding plans.
I’m sure Chameli would have warmed up to her nand if her nand didn’t constantly moan and complain. There’s a time and place for everything and nand needs to reevalute whether it’s appropriate to bombard her brother and his NEW wife with her problems just days before their wedding. Neither of you can come up with one reason why she can’t put on a fake happy face for a few weeks. A good brother would help his sister no doubt, but at the same time, a good sister would not rob her brother of a happy wedding either.
Chameli is new to the family, let her enjoy that for a little while. I know a divorce is very hard, but it’s a process. It’s not that you wake up one day and say “I’m divorced. The deed is done.” Nand’s problems are going to be lifelong and she, as a caring sister, needs to let her brother enjoy this time. I know that as a big sister myself, that’s what I would do. I wouldn’t dare bother my brothers with my marital problems, ESPECIALLY if they were getting married.
And yes, we’re only hearing Chameli’s side of the story, but how can you say for certain that she’s not telling it accurately? Perhaps the nand was a whiny, disrespectful, incompetent wife who always used the shield of her brother on her husband. Maybe she was badtameez to her own inlaws, maybe she was a bad homemaker, etc. I don’t know and neither do you and that’s the point. So instead of attacking Chameli, you should try to sympathize with her. I think you two are incredibly insensitive and are the types that would like for there to be friction betweeen wife and family. That is the ultimate in selfishness, to not give importance and to mistreat the new bride in the family. Give the new wife a teensy bit of respect. How ridiculous that you actually have to explain that to people?
One other thing, I’m not at all saying that Chameli should cause a fight with her nand, not at all, but I am sympathizing with her frustration. Of course she will wisely handle and accept whatever the outcome is. And yourfriend, you insinuated that Chameli will likely complain about her nand forever. Not true. There’s adifference in your attitude as a newlywed, and as a manji khanji woman married for a few years. As a newlywed, I used to dislike whenever my inlaws put pressure on my husband. But today, I know how to handle myself and how to calm him down so he doesn’t take anything too hard. Give Chameli some time.
Re: Nand..again
In my family we respect our newlywed bhabis and our guests by not burdening them with our problems and maslay. But silly me, I guess it's normal for you to air your dirty laundry to anyone and everyone who has the misfortune of crossing your path.
Re: Nand..again
Raatkiraani you have portrayed my thoughts and feelings very well. I dont consider myself selfish when feeling this need to enjoy my pre-wedding and newly wed days.
I think every individual has the right to enjoy these wonderful days and other persons should try not to interfere in this happiness.
Of course would be there for her and her child but I also have a need to enjoy my times with my husband.
Re: Nand..again
Nand's divorce is only as much of a problem as you make it out to be. It is not your problem, it is your husbands problem. How much you want to support your husband is your problem. Capice? I am trying to be as polite as I can.
If you do not want to think very seriously about ......... what extent you want to support your husband and what is acceptable and what is not for you and make it clear and come to some agreement with your husband BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED, you could become another bitter Nand for someone else.
I suspect your issues lie with your dislike of the Nand (and perhaps her dislike of you). If it was not for the honeymoon issue, it would (and will) be another one.
You have much thinking to do!
Re: Nand..again
:k: @ Mograkali
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I know that she will need to talk to someone and especially her brother but we will be on our one and only honeymoon and i wud like to enjoy it as much as possible without her interference on phone or mail
Where is your spirit of understanding and sacrifice??
Its all about me and my honemoon and my time??
Whats the big deal about honeymoon??
If you truly love the guy, help him in sorting out his family issues. A little bit of sacrifice and affection for his family would strengthen your bond and love for each other. Marriage is sacrifice and the sooner u realize it the better it is.
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I think everybody learns in life. I have things to learn too, but family of a guy should also learn to enjoy his happiness since this time wont come again....
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Chameli420 - I fear you are going into marriage with too high expectations of happiness.
Even if there is a small hiccup - you will feel let down. Go with an open mind and take things as they come. Life's like that.
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Thanks for your good and decent advice 
please do dua for me.
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Jetani, nand, devarani, bhabi....can make marragies so complicated! what is their problem???? when my bro gets married i'm gonna treat his wife with so much love and respect like my own sister!
My fiance's brother's fiance is already becoming a problem for me!!!She is very competitive and sly.