You don't live with them. just 'bardasht' them when you visit.... that's the least you can do.
It doesn't feel right when one is cribbing about a mother.... however bad the situation is. Perhaps its just me.
Balli Kaka,
Do we know the name of PCG........do we know what she looks like? If she were to pass on the streets, would we know it's her? NO.......this is an anonymous forum. If you consider this to be backbiting...........then would you also consider all the other threads in the Life and Relationship forum to be "backbiting" as well? And if it's bad to do the backbiting........it's also bad to listen to it. SO.........would that ALSO make YOU....Oh Balli Kaka......guilty of reading this so-called backbiting?????
Many of the people here are trying to analyze the problem and offer solutions. We don't even know PCG or her family well enough to even form an opinion. Discussing a situation with the intention to GET HELP is not backbiting. In a life and relationships forum...........what else would one talk about except for life/relationship experience right? It's silly to assume that all life/relo experiences will be laa dee daa happy and that nobody will have any concerns to talk about. What should we talk about in this forum then? The weather?
The issue is, can we expect the mother to change? I don't think so.
You're right, we can't make people change. They have to make the effort to change on their own. But at the same time, we're not required to place zulm on our own souls by surrounding ourselves with people who have hurtful behavior. You can remove yourself from a toxic situation. And while you can't change someone, you CAN try to send a message to the person through your actions and try to guide them.
^ It's called empty nest syndrome. Is your dad spending enough time with her? Your dad can tell her firmly that I'm not hanging around if the conversation takes a negative nagging gossiping turn.....I want our marriage to be a positive one. And he could take her out.......do all the things that were tougher to do when the kids were younger, kwim? They can go shopping together........trying cooking new recipes together........go to the movies....go traveling........maybe smaller trips at first. He can try surprising her with kind gestures. It can make a difference on a person's mood. They naturally begin to feel more appreciated.....and happy.......and you feel more motivated to reciprocate. This might help if the negativity is a result from feeling under-appreciated/burned-out/or insecure. Talk to your dad about it.
OMG
my mom is the luckiest woman alive. My dad is super romantic. He takes her out on dates, they actually have a healthier marriage with us kids not being around because the two of them just do whatever they gotta do. He splurges his wealth on her. She has work and hobbies to occupy her. She just hates her in laws. All of them. Meanwhile we all have to do everything for her family members. Which we do.
But even thAt does not justify the nagging. I mean, can you not abstain from trashing your daughter the one weekend she takes out and she is on my case. I just went to bed last night right after dinner as my head was hurting. Woke up today. She is trying to be nicer so I'm just pretending like nothing happened. But it's a cycle of violence. Eventually she'll return to her ways...we'll deal with it...and then someone in the family will combust.
I'm just tired of being made fun of by my mom. She is so mean. Always was since I was a kid and this is a big reason I don't live with them.
*my mom is the luckiest woman alive. My dad is super romantic. He takes her out on dates, they actually have a healthier marriage with us kids not being around because the two of them just do whatever they gotta do. He splurges his wealth on her. She has work and hobbies to occupy her. She just hates her in laws. All of them. Meanwhile we all have to do everything for her family members. Which we do. *
But even thAt does not justify the nagging. I mean, can you not abstain from trashing your daughter the one weekend she takes out and she is on my case. I just went to bed last night right after dinner as my head was hurting. Woke up today. She is trying to be nicer so I'm just pretending like nothing happened. But it's a cycle of violence. Eventually she'll return to her ways...we'll deal with it...and then someone in the family will combust.
I'm just tired of being made fun of by my mom. She is so mean. Always was since I was a kid and this is a big reason I don't live with them.
OMGGGGGGGGGGG this is exactly like my mom my dad is super romantic n they go out everyday but shes so naggyyyyy wid me.she is hurtful,partial and a disaster for my self esteem her words hurt like dagger i try not to get affected n growing up made my self convinced tht im stronger thn this but i hav personal breakdowns sometimes cuz her hurtful words just become too much to digest.i wish i was staying away too but im not..my dads a sweetheart but unfortunately in front of her even he dosnt open his mouth to often.i have had issues related to insecurity all my life somewhere in my heart i do blame my mom cuz i thought moms should give their children unconditional love n if she cnt do tht than mayb love isnt unconditional after all infact my theory on love itself is tht it is over rated.Thank god i have a guy in my life to make me feel otherwise else by now i would have been an insecured gurl who dint know how to accept love into her life.
OMGGGGGGGGGGG this is exactly like my mom my dad is super romantic n they go out everyday but shes so naggyyyyy wid me.she is hurtful,partial and a disaster for my self esteem her words hurt like dagger i try not to get affected n growing up made my self convinced tht im stronger thn this but i hav personal breakdowns sometimes cuz her hurtful words just become too much to digest.i wish i was staying away too but im not..my dads a sweetheart but unfortunately in front of her even he dosnt open his mouth to often.i have had issues related to insecurity all my life somewhere in my heart i do blame my mom cuz i thought moms should give their children unconditional love n if she cnt do tht than mayb love isnt unconditional after all infact my theory on love itself is tht it is over rated.Thank god i have a guy in my life to make me feel otherwise else by now i would have been an insecured gurl who dint know how to accept love into her life.
It is opposite for me. I have issues with my dad. Constant nagging and complaining and arguing when it is not even my fault. Sometimes I wish I had a noise pollution filter installed in my ears so I did not have to put up with all that. Mom is a sweetheart and has always been there for me. She is my spinal cord, my backbone. When I am high or low she is the one I have in mind.
it can be..messed up relationships always have some impact on you..i suggest discover the root of any problems u have n address otherwise ull look back one day n blame ur mom for all ur mess ups,u wouldnt wana give her the control to indirectly live n mess wid ur life too..!
i think PCG ur mom is alone n stressed out. May be u shuld spend some fun time with her where ther's no bitter discussion but just mom n daughter time. If she wants to start just say" Abhi nahi mama...aaj hum sirf humara apna time enjoy kerain gay" this nagging could be due to ur(or ur siblings) not paying attention to her n she does it to seek attention. Give her some time n love dear. She's ur mom afterall. I feel if someone's backbiting n u can just say a few conforming words in their favour it cools their anger n frustration. we all need to get things off our chest sometimes n when no body arounds us listen, agree or understand we become miserable. Ur mom is unhappy n miserable n needs more understanding from u. thats all.
