Re: My Sister’s Nikkah Dilemma
Salam guys I have a dilemma that I’m trying to deal with and need your opinion. My younger sister recently had her nikkah done a few weeks back, however the rukhsati was planned to take place early on next year. The nikkah was basically done in place of an engagement as we wanted it to be so they can go out in public as they wanted without people questioning their relationship. It was explained that my sister will stay at our place and can go out with him whenever she likes just come back in the night until the rukhsati.
Nikkah was done and everything went well, they both have been hanging out a lot. However starting last week, my brother in law had his family over for his brothers wedding and my sister wanted to go spend the weekend at this house to help out. My parents were opposed to that, as they said yes you can go and spend the day at his place but make sure you come back at night time. However she refused and went and spent the weekend at his place anyways, when she came back we questioned her whether she stayed with him in his room etc, yet she got angry and was like, this is my husband now, who cares what I do with him, "why is that even a question? I wanted to spend the weekend with his family.” She doesn’t understand how big of a deal this is to my parents culturally. She got into a huge argument and now is really mad and doesn’t understand why she can’t spend the weekend at his place. I don’t know if she is spending the night with him in his room or not, but his parents are also getting mad at my parents that it is okay if she comes and spends the weekend at their house and they don’t see anything wrong in it. When I ask her if she is spending the night with him she doesn’t think its my business and refuses to answer.
Since you’re asking, I’d say the shari’ ruksati is done. This happens when the husband and wife spend enough time in seclusion with each other as it would take to consummate the marriage without a physical or moral barrier.
My parents are devastated because yes they are married now so technically she can do whatever she wanted, but my parents really wanted to do a rukhsati with all the preparations: mehndi, etc which can only happen on a virgin bride, but now they feel that all went out the window.
My sister and my brother in law just don’t understand why this is wrong of her spending the weekend at their house, because they are saying they’re not spending the weekend at a hotel or anything. I really don’t know if they are consummating their marriage, but is it still wrong anyways?
Even if they spent the night at a hotel, there still wouldn’t be anything wrong with it.
Sorry, I don’t see where your parents are right in this. The only other thing I’d look at is that if the wife wanted to receive the mehr (or some portion thereof) before coming to live with the husband and that was refused. But this doesn’t seem to be the case, so I see nothing wrong in what they’ve done.
