I have this uncle - who actually is my mothers first cousin, so a non mehram - who I think of as a father and treats me as his daughter.
As I love him like I love my father, I like talking to him, when we greet I always give him a hug and I am generally really close to him.
My problem is that everyone is on my case saying what I am doing is against Islamic values. But, I have a real father type connection with him that I don’t know how it can be harmful or misinterpreted.
My uncle is much older than my real father and mother and I am a grad student.
Is there anything I can use in my defence or am I straight up going against Islam.
My sisters are both around your age, may be a few years younger actually, but they don’t jump in to my dad’s lap anymore … … With mum yeah, but they left being really babyish with my dad when they were about 14 years old … Thereafter it was just simple hugs with arms stretched on occasions and may be a kiss on his cheek.
So if you are towards your second cousin like my sisters are towards our dad then avoid the kisses and keep it to hand shakes … I hope at your age you are not still sitting in your dad’s lap … or your uncle’s … Not for non-mahram reasons so much as for sensible reasons.
Well you can't really bend the rules to suit your case and you don't need to give any explanations to those people. My brother in law is also like a father figure to me and I'd give him a little hug but then that's as close as it gets with any na-mehram. Kissing or wrapping arms around each other or sitting too close would be too awkward for me. If that's what your family is objecting to, they have a valid point and it's not because they're misinterpreting something. It's understandable why they'd ask you to keep a little distance and I'm sure it won't affect the love and respect you have for your uncle.
No it's nothing like that - he only kisses me on my head when I meet him which is normal for us. But I'm not wrapping arms with him or anything like that. I only hug him when I meet him and we talk from time to time.
Alwaysconfused **
I really appreciate you! ‘That you are careful about your religion’. According to your problem I think that you don’t care people what are they saying? If you are clear in your thoughts than there is no problem to hug an uncle especially who loves you like a daughter. Because the Islam said “Deeds depends on intention”**
Intentions of sahabah and umhat ul momineed were much more pure then us but ALALAH in quran ordered them to lower their gaze and voices.
You can show respect and love to him without hugging him.He is na mehram to you so you should acceptand try to apply islamic ruling that is applicable in this situation not what you think is better for you.
May ALLAH make it easier for us to follow islam in its entirety.
Your "uncle" is a na-mehram to you, hence hugging, shaking hands and kissing it not permissible. More than what other people object about, you should look at what Allah swt has made permissible for you. It doesnt really matter how old he is and how close you are and in which way you see him (etc as a father). Its all very noble, but at the end of the day he stays a na-mehram for you and you a na-mehram for him.
Apart from this I guess its all up to you how you decide to see it. I personally shake hands with male collegues, doctors, patients etc. but would I shake hands with an uncle? Most probably not. May Allah swt guide us all and forgive our sins.
… With mum yeah, but they left being really babyish with my dad when they were about 14 years old … Thereafter it was just simple hugs with arms stretched on occasions and may be a kiss on his cheek.