I know I should post this question in Weddings, but I actually have a relationship issue with my mother and I was wondering if Im wrong here. How important are delivering shaadi cards to relatives? Im married a gora muslim this month. He converted 2 years ago, he proposed to me last yr and asked my dad’s permission to marry me. My desi parents at first were not sure, but when they got to know him better, they said yes to the rishta. He is truly a decent person. So during the wedding planning process this year, I printed wedding cards with my name and then his real name with a muslim given name. My dad and my mom agreed that it was ok to print both his american name and his muslim name. So I found out the week of my shaadi that my mom never sent my shaadi cards in mail. Instead, she called all my relatives to come to my shaadi. She was ashamed that he was white, and loog kya bolinge. I was so shocked by her passive aggressive hyprocrisy. My parents said yes to the rishta, but my mom is ashamed he is a gora?!! my dad was saddened with what she did since he is not ashamed, he is happy for me. but of course it was too late to do anything so I just cried alot. Now that Im married, I actually cannot seem to forgive my mom for not sending out the shaadi cards. What makes it SOOO worse, is my aunt just told me she never received a shaadi card, but got a cut out address of the shaadi hall. Not only did my mother not send my shaadi cards, she CUT them!!! for addresses. What kind of mother cuts her girl’s wedding cards!!!
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
[QUOTE]
What kind of mother cuts her girl's wedding cards?
[/QUOTE]
An unhappy one.
The wedding is over and done with now. Let it go.
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
Focus on your new relationship. Once she sees a succesful relationship and a good human being in your husband (with time), she will turn around.
Yes, in desi culture, when relatives don't get proper cards/invites they do get very offended. There is no scope for retaliation here. She is your mother. You have the right to be angry, but channel it in the right way.
Knowing that she is desi, you should know that most desis do have this attitude about interracial marriages. It's just something which is a part of the culture. It's very very wrong but it does exist. And individuals change their thinking only when they see an interracial relationship up-close. So, your mother is in this situation now and with time I think she will change and not be ashamed anymore.
Channel your feelings. Focus on your marriage and the happiness it gives you!
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
Live with your moms insecurities. She is vulnerable , naive and sensitive. Not an evil MIL , she is your mom for crying out loud. Why can't you give a positive spin to what happened . She did not do it for any revenge or to harm you in any way. She was being over protective , she did not want people to not attend the wedding due to superficial reasons. She wanted them to come to the wedding and find out how nice a guy your husband is , like she found out after meeting and interacting with him. She was reflecting her own experience , where she was skeptical about him in the beginning and then came to terms after meeting and interacting with him. That was her motive for what she did.
P.S: I am not your mother .:D I am voice of reason.
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
Sad.
Tell your mom I love her.
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
You cannot expect her to view your marriage the same way you do.
She comes from a different background, upbringing and experience. Its highly unlikely she will understand...she might come to terms with it but might not understand.
The important thing is you married the man you loved. Focus on him and dont let these things set the tone of your day or relationship.
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
wedding is a day, marriage is a life
let the issues of that one day go
and focus on the life
appreciate that even with her reservations and insecurities she agreed. i know ladies who have done all kind of dhama chokri to get in the way of their offspring's wishes.
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
why didn't you take responsibility of delivering the cards if they matter so much.
Re: My mom never sent the shaadi cards?
I agree with Jojo :) Very sensible response.
I know it is tough to forgive and forget when it is someone as close as your mother.
When you have a baby, don't invite her to the baby shower. I'm just kidding! ;)