Re: My MIL
Peace Spiral
So your husband let off steam to his parents and you stayed out of it? Sometimes it is difficult decision to make …
I know someone who used to get really annoyed at his own parents due to his wife being depressed. Without realising it she subconsciously made her husband think ill of his parents. I think the real relationship that you need to develop is the one between you and your husband. Can you be the sort of wife that tells her husband to be kind to his parents? When my wife says anything and exhibits any kind of reaction she prevents me from speaking to my parents about it, because she knows that it will affect them and they will think that I am blaming them or I have become upset as a result of her being upset.
Rather in fact I tell my parents how my wife tells me to call them up and encourages me to spend time with them. It gives them encouragement.
If you can tell your hubby not to fight with his own parents for any reason then you will be doing a good deed in the sense that you guide him to good. Now I don’t mean in the sense of saying “don’t fight with your parents they will blame me for it” … rather say “don’t fight with your parents, they are your path to Jannah, respect them” kind of advice. It is because you do not want to make it seem that you don’t want your hubby to create conflict with his own parents as a result of your protection … but rather as a result of his own honour and honour of his parents.
If you love your hubby then get him to earn the love and respect of his own parents … you are his companion and a companion is a guide as well. Although when he wrongs it is not on your head … but where you can help balance things then use it … You have a good opinion of your MIL, but feel that she does not have a good opinion of you … So ask yourself does it qualify you to be good in her eyes just because you “think of her as good” or is do you feel you have done something that actually shows that you respect them - more than how you feel or think.
I would take the advice above … ignore her comments to her husband … A mother cannot blame his bad behaviour on him, so she will always blame those close to him without evidence … In the past when the princes used to do bad things then their “flogging boy” used to get beats on his behalf. This is because they could not challenge or chastise their beloved children instead used to beat another. This other person was often a friend of the prince who would go around telling the prince not to do bad things … because if he did then the beats would be inflicted on him and not the prince. A wise flogging boy will not tell the prince to avoid bad as a result of his own protection, but will appear as a consciousness for the prince himself.