my little story

Society Religion & Philosophy
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I figured it was best to type this year because I am looking for some advice based on religion etc

Okay so here is my little story: few years ago when I was a typical teenager, doing typical teenager stuff my life changed (Islamically). I don’t mean to say I became pious or anything, but I became more aware of my deen and I wanted to change my life around. Back then I was young, slightly heartbroken, stressed from my mother’s mental illness and felt the need to be responsible for my two younger brothers and Dad. Ofcourse being closer to Allah made me feel complete and gave me peace and I wanted (and still want) nothing more than to be a good muslim. During the same time period, I met my husband who was already a Hafiz and what truly attracted me towards him was religion. I liked his moderation with his deen and regular life because I wanted encouragement, not be pushed or forced into doing things I wasn’t ready for. I wanted him and I to do work for deen in any form possible and I was very passionate about it. Anyways, his family proposed, we got engaged, and then nikkah even though we were both young but it was best for us to save us from doing wrong. I really wanted my husband to become an aalim and he wanted that for himself as well. So he went to South Africa to study in one of the best schools. He’s now in 4th year and inshallah we’ll be getting married in July (rukhsati) and I’ll go there with him till he completes his studies. Now I know this is what I’ve wanted but lately I’ve been having many doubts. I think about my commitment often and I wonder if I’ll want the same thing later on. Since he’s in a better Islamic environment, he’s keeping well with things but I am falling behind. I don’t feel as strong as I did and this is going to sound stupid, but on GS I’ve come across a lot of people bashing on Aalim’s/moulana’s and it makes me think twice about what my Husband is doing and how people and society is going to look at him. I would hate for him to be disrespected for the work that he does because he’s working really hard for his aalim and putting aside his other education till after he’s done. My extended family (cousins/uncles etc) already criticize our marriage because he isn’t working and doesn’t have a real income (though I am not concerned and it doesn’t bother me)Both of our families are sensible Muslims but no real support from anyone except His dad and mine, along with my brother.

Recently, I keep thinking about myself and this marriage. What if this is just a phase that I’m going through and once I get over it, would I begin to regret this marriage? Is him being an aalim not a good idea? I don’t want to tell him that this is how I feel because then he might feel regretful for being with me because I’m not the person he chose to marry.

Any wise advise?

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Re: my little story

Peace madinahme,

Be thankful to Almighty Allah SWT who changed ur life Islamically. I heared higher job comes with great responsibilites and not everybody can handel such higher job with great responsiblities. When a person performs such jobs with great responsibilites, then he/she can guide others in better ways compairing to those who didn’t fulfilled to this job or never gone through it. Moreover, such persons are fully aware how others will feel when they go through it as they already passed such time and they can handel it / can give better guidance from their experience.

You shouldn’t be worry about urself if ur falling behind. This is all meant by Allah SWT and like you said ur life changed Islamically, then i guess Allah SWT made it more easy for you as ur husband is learing it and can guide u in better and easy way on ur each and every steps.
Our Prophet :saw2: when started preaching Islam, how much He :saw2: was tortured, but did He :saw2: refrained from preaching? No. He :saw2: carried on b’coz He :saw2: believed in Allah SWT and that what we need here, believe in Allah SWT and make dua for best.

When ur husband become an scholar/aalim, don’t worry what others will gonna say just be worry about one thing that Allah SWT granted u both Islamic knowledge more then others and you both have to spend it on others (to guide/correct them in better way) and while teaching others, if somebody said something like offensive words, then don’t be heart-broken, b’coz your doing this work Allah SWT or HE is only one who can grant either respect of disrespect.

I’ll quote a hadith for you and hope this will clear ur some doubts.

The Book Pertaining to the Remembrance of Allah, Supplication, Repentance and Seeking Forgiveness (Kitab Al-Dhikr)’ of Sahih Muslim Haidth No. 6471

**Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger :saw2: as saying that Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, thus stated: I am near to the thought of My servant as he thinks about Me, and I am with him as he remembers Me. And if he remembers Me in his heart, I also remember him in My Heart, and if he remembers Me in assembly I remember him in assembly, better than his (remembrance), and if he draws near Me by the span of a palm, I draw near him by the cubit, and if he draws near Me by the cubit I draw near him by the space (covered by) two hands. And if he walks towards Me, I rush towards him. **

May Allah SWT show His mercy on you both. Ameen.

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Jazakallah, that was very help-ful

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Aahhh..!

From where should I start and where should I end. I might keep on writing forever on this topic. Would try to be brief and to the point.

Such doubts are created by the devil. I myself became a victim, learn from my case. I wished to become a scholar but because of family pressure I decided to carry on with my Ph.D. in Civil Engineering. I was supported and given scholarship by three governments, which means my parents didn't have to pay anything. Now, I teach in a university, and have all the luxuries of life. My parents, family, teachers, relatives and friends are proud of me and give my example to their children BUT i myself get up almost every night, sit on a prayer mat and fill a basket with tears of blood. But time can't go back. There is a certain age for every decision.

I would request you to read "Fazail-e-Ulama" (all the hadiths explaining the status of an Islamic scholar) and you would realize the infinitly higher degree of an Islamic scholar over any other degree holder. Ofcourse there are more hardships, less pay, less (apparently) worldly respect, but in the long run your husband would be more valuable in front of Allah (swt) and the Prophet (saw) compared to any other degree holder, even though they would be enjoying more luxuries in this short life.

Don't look at the videos and mocking of people, see good examples, we have a lot fo them. The opinon of common people is nothing compared to the opinion of Allah (swt) and the Prophet (saw). Even if the whole world is against it, and I get a chance for becoming an Islamic scholar, I would inshaAllah go for it.

Best of luck. May Allah (swt) bless you and your husband with the wisdom and strength to be able to make the right decision in your lives.

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Re: my little story

:salam:

Dear brother in the Deen … I am still studying whilst working, married with three children and undertaking other hobbies and trying to set up a business … Please don’t fill baskets with tears of blood anymore … Why should you be in such dismay and remorse? Allah (SWT) has given you the pleasure of your family’s happiness and you cry over this? You have been given an Islamic earning and you cry as though you have made a mistake?

For sure you have a better opinion of Allah (SWT) and His Mercy and for sure a learned student of knowledge as yourself can see that the limiting of oneself to “a certain age for every decision” is against the idea that “we should seek knowledge from the cradle to grave” …

There are people who have become Muslim when they got grey hairs who went on to memorise the Qur’an. For a surety your intentions would have been well rewarded, even if you didn’t manage to make it as a scholar now …

Why is it that you feel hard done? Make the best of your situation … Guilt is important to make sincere amends, but then trust in Allah (SWT) is imporant to be able to move on … now if you have it in you … become an 'alim … make that intention again … and consider this an answer to your prayers inshaAllah …

May Allah (SWT) Guide you and increase you in hope and motivation never to give up for the khair … and for us all. Ameen.

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JazakAllah khair brother psyah for a motivating and heart warming words of encouragement. Really appreciated. I agree that it is never too late and there was something good for me in this path. What always bothered me are two facts. One's memory and abilities are at peak from 18-30 years of age. Also that a "part time scholar" can never be equal to a "full time scholar". In history you would rarely find great scholars who were part timers. Still, I agree that we need to try our level best, to the best of our ability.

I feel good after reading your post. One should never give up. May Allah (swt) bless you and your family with all the blessings of this life and hereafter.

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^ Peace brother Submission to Peace

Yes part time scholars cannot be fully devoted or rather part time workers cannot fully support their scholarly needs ... but that is why you need to set-up a business, employ people so you can be an earner of income whilst your company works for you instead of you having to spend time working away all those hours of potential study time.

May Allah (SWT) put wealth in our hands and not in our hearts ... Ameen.

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madinahme,
There are so many Islamic scholars in this world who have all the worldly possessions , nice big homes , nice big and shiny cars and who are loved by millions for their knowledge and guidance they provide to their followers, These scholars are not your typical mullas or moulvies , these scholars are real ambassadors of Islam , we need many more of this kind of Islamic scholars I pray that your husband turns out to be one of these , not a typical mullah or moulvy as you say . I gather that you are from Canada and Canada has produced its own share of those kind of scholars.
The thing I love about Islam , among other things is that it does not ask you to live like a jogi , or rahib , Islam demands you to live a balanced life.

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Madinahme, I think amidst all our list of requirements for our partners we tend to forget the most Islamicly advocated one and the one that holds the most value, piousness. You can look at this way, having a more religious and aalim husband like yours would eventually benefit you by making you a better muslim. That is something that most of us will probably be deprived off because we (myself included), in our misguided ways, generally tend to dislike overly Islamic qualities in the other gender. I truly believe that a marriage such as yours where religious qualities formed the basis of the initial relationship would have all the blessings of Allah.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your husband pursuing professional training/education after he becomes an aalim. Your husband chose to prioritise Islamic education and while it may seem daunting now, Allah always opens up ways and avenues that you did not think were possible, especially for people who sacrifice more. I wish you a successful married life iA.

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You guys are the best!! seriously

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:jazak: