STA
May 31, 2011, 12:13am
9
Re: My little story
I would like to congratulate you that your husband is going to become aalim. I heard madarsas in SA are one of the best place of seeking knowledge of Islam in English language.
I agree with you that most of the educated people on GS curse aalims and consider themselves expert of deen which is not true.
You should not worry about you husband, as you already mentioned that he will also pursue some bachelor degree.
It could be your negative thought which made you to stay away from him.
Remember, you are not answerable to GS members but to one and only Allah.
Okay so here is my little story: few years ago when I was a typical teenager, doing typical teenager stuff my life changed (Islamically). I don’t mean to say I became pious or anything, but I became more aware of my deen and I wanted to change my life around. Back then I was young, slightly heartbroken, stressed from my mother’s mental illness and felt the need to be responsible for my two younger brothers and Dad. Ofcourse being closer to Allah made me feel complete and gave me peace and I wanted (and still want) nothing more than to be a good muslim. During the same time period, I met my husband who was already a Hafiz and what truly attracted me towards him was religion. I liked his moderation with his deen and regular life because I wanted encouragement, not be pushed or forced into doing things I wasn’t ready for. I wanted him and I to do work for deen in any form possible and I was very passionate about it. Anyways, his family proposed, we got engaged, and then nikkah even though we were both young but it was best for us to save us from doing wrong. I really wanted my husband to become an aalim and he wanted that for himself as well. So he went to South Africa to study in one of the best schools. He’s now in 4th year and inshallah we’ll be getting married in July (rukhsati) and I’ll go there with him till he completes his studies. Now I know this is what I’ve wanted but lately I’ve been having many doubts. I think about my commitment often and I wonder if I’ll want the same thing later on. Since he’s in a better Islamic environment, he’s keeping well with things but I am falling behind. I don’t feel as strong as I did and this is going to sound stupid, but on GS I’ve come across a lot of people bashing on Aalim’s/moulana’s and it makes me think twice about what my Husband is doing and how people and society is going to look at him. I would hate for him to be disrespected for the work that he does because he’s working really hard for his aalim and putting aside his other education till after he’s done. My extended family (cousins/uncles etc) already criticize our marriage because he isn’t working and doesn’t have a real income (though I am not concerned and it doesn’t bother me)Both of our families are sensible Muslims but no real support from anyone except His dad and mine, along with my brother.
Recently, I keep thinking about myself and this marriage. What if this is just a phase that I’m going through and once I get over it, would I begin to regret this marriage? Is him being an aalim not a good idea? I don’t want to tell him that this is how I feel because then he might feel regretful for being with me because I’m not the person he chose to marry.
Any wise advise?