My little story

[Amoureux_de_la_vie]

Re: My little story

@madinahme

Okay so here is my little story: few years ago when I was a typical teenager, doing typical teenager stuff my life changed (Islamically). I don’t mean to say I became pious or anything, but I became more aware of my deen and I wanted to change my life around. Back then I was young, slightly heartbroken, stressed from my mother’s mental illness and felt the need to be responsible for my two younger brothers and Dad. Ofcourse being closer to Allah made me feel complete and gave me peace and I wanted (and still want) nothing more than to be a good muslim. During the same time period, I met my husband who was already a Hafiz and what truly attracted me towards him was religion. I liked his moderation with his deen and regular life because I wanted encouragement, not be pushed or forced into doing things I wasn’t ready for. I wanted him and I to do work for deen in any form possible and I was very passionate about it. Anyways, his family proposed, we got engaged, and then nikkah even though we were both young but it was best for us to save us from doing wrong. I really wanted my husband to become an aalim and he wanted that for himself as well. So he went to South Africa to study in one of the best schools. He’s now in 4th year and inshallah we’ll be getting married in July (rukhsati) and I’ll go there with him till he completes his studies. Now I know this is what I’ve wanted but lately I’ve been having many doubts. I think about my commitment often and I wonder if I’ll want the same thing later on. Since he’s in a better Islamic environment, he’s keeping well with things but I am falling behind. I don’t feel as strong as I did and this is going to sound stupid, but on GS I’ve come across a lot of people bashing on Aalim’s/moulana’s and it makes me think twice about what my Husband is doing and how people and society is going to look at him. I would hate for him to be disrespected for the work that he does because he’s working really hard for his aalim and putting aside his other education till after he’s done. My extended family (cousins/uncles etc) already criticize our marriage because he isn’t working and doesn’t have a real income (though I am not concerned and it doesn’t bother me)Both of our families are sensible Muslims but no real support from anyone except His dad and mine, along with my brother.

Recently, I keep thinking about myself and this marriage. What if this is just a phase that I’m going through and once I get over it, would I begin to regret this marriage? Is him being an aalim not a good idea? I don’t want to tell him that this is how I feel because then he might feel regretful for being with me because I’m not the person he chose to marry.

Any wise advise?

You mentioned two worries that you have. One is that he is studying to be an aalim and there are many people who bash aalims. The other one is that your extended family thinks him not making money is a problem and criticize your marriage for it.

I am glad that you don’t have any problems with who he is. These might be actual problems around you, but because they are about what other might say/think/feel about your marriage, they do not hold a lot of ground. You are probably getting cold feet due to which these issues seem worse to you.

Traditionally respected careers like doctors and lawyers would be bashed too in some circles. All careers have niches where they are not liked. If the idea of being a devout muslim really matters to you, then I don’t think there is a huge issue here. If, however, you feel like your commitment to Islam is wavering to the extent that you don’t want it in your life as much as you initially thought, then give this a thought. But also keep in mind that you have already made the commitment.

One solution to cold feet is to talk to that little scared person inside of you and let it know that it’s ok to be scared and that you have made the commitment and you’re sticking to it. Think this over some more. Think about what exactly is bothering you. As of right now, the issues don’t seem huge and I think you will be fine (but you’re the best judge).