My in laws

[redvelvet]

Re: My in laws

@Red_Ruby

The worst of it all is that she doesnt let onto my daughter. actually no one in the household does. when she was born they didnt make an effort to see her and even now they dont come round. weeks will pass by and they wont come to my house and i go to theres 2 or 3 times a week and clean up and wash the dishes etc. i dont know how i can make them see me as a good bahu.

my husband knows whats happening and due to them not making an effort with our daughter he has lost all love for them aswell. im not those type of girls that thinks yey iv got my hubby all to myself, i actually just wanted some love and my daughter to have that love from her grandparents but i just cant understand why they are like this.

1. This may sound really weird, but I have noticed that some people have greater respect for those that treat them like dirt…and less respect for them who treat them right. Now it could also be that maybe YOU come across as trying too hard/needy…and that can be off putting. When you ask “How can I MAKE them see me as a good bahu?”…that indicates that YOU are part of the problem here. You CANNOT “make” someone like you or see that you’re a good person/bahu, etc. If a person has made up their mind…they’ve made up their mind. The fact that you feel the need to gain their approval might be reflective of a low self-esteem/low confidence problem. A more confident person would be secure in their own belief that they ARE a good person…that they have enough people in their life that love them…and that they don’t need the approval of someone who can’t manage to even give them basic respect.

2. If your in-laws never spent any time with your daughter…then that means they don’t really care about her. So, why would you want to expose your daugther to people like that? Your in-laws don’t respect you…and that shows in their words and in their actions and in their body language. Your daugther is not blind…and she will eventually pick up on the fact that my dada/dadi treat my mom like dirt. I don’t know why people think that children are clueless…when their minds are like sponges and they are more perceptive than adults give them credit for. Your in-laws will not be able to conceal their disdain/contempt for you and your daugther…and this will become apparent to your daugther and it’s not healthy for her. It’s better to have just ONE set of loving grandparents than to have a complete dysfunctional team. Why don’t you think of it that way as well? As long as a child has nurturing parents and several loving relatives…he/she wont’ be “scarred for life” just because of a few idiotic family members. Now, she might feel the sting of being treated differently by her grandparents…but then it depends upon how your and your husband manage that issue…and overall…I think it’s better to not have such a negative people around you.

3. Also, some people try to make their lives more difficult when there’s no need to. And it seems like that’s what you’re trying to do here. Look, you are VERY BLESSED that your husband supports you and that he is not blind to his parents actions/attitude. And personally, I think that’s the most important thing here because you LIVE with your husband…not your in-laws. Life would be much tougher for you if your husband didn’t support you and was the kind to believe that family is always right. And not having to live with difficult in-laws makes your life easier. Instead of dwelling over what you don’t have…why not appreciate and enjoy the blessings that you do have.

4. While I do think it’s sad that your in-laws are behaving this way…at the same time I do think that you’re partly to blame. You need to adjust yourconfidence and stop trying to “prove” a point to people who don’t respect you. Just be good for the sake of Allah instead of trying to get something in return from them. Or if you can’t manage that…then don’t go out of your way to be good to people who don’t care about you. Just maintain a distance…it’s better for your peace of mind. And I’d reflect over wheter or not you’re in some sort of comeption with the other DILs…because you’ve mentioned how theyr’e treated differently from you. Let them be. You have a supportive husband…and that probably kills your MIL more than anything. You’re not lacking in friends/family who are sincere and care about you.