Re: my grandmother tip
Hypnosis. Look into his eyeees. You are getting sleeeeepppy. By the time I count to five you will wake up and henceforth become my minion in thought, feelings, speech, and actions…in the presence of company and solitutde…undeterred by distance, sickness and disability, economic recession, war, plague, famine, alien invasion, all unmentioned crises, your evil mommy, the nefarious kaam-wali, and by any object living and inanimate…till death do us part. 
(This is what you should chant, OP).
^The above condition is gonna be in my nikkah-nama 
. I have learned much from Life 1.