My friend's problem :(

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: My friend’s problem :frowning:

very interesting…the replies are equally unspaced,unparagraphed :hmmm:

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Re: My friend’s problem :frowning:

lol ab OP ka asar logon par ho gaya hai na.

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Re: My friend's problem :(

I am too cool for that school!

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Re: My friend's problem :(

He can;t say anything to parents, he can;t protest or say no, cause they are barey or buzurg? and then he goes on to marry the girl of his choice without them agreeing?? All the drama to marry her and now fine with divorce just for HER happiness?????

ufff.... pakistani guys!!!

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Develop a thick skin.
Ignore them.
Give them the taste of their own medicine.
Come up with good responses when they taunt her.
Stay happy with her husband to make them more jealous.
Show em who's boss.
Stop taking stress and make sure she successfully delivers their child.
Once they will have their child, the guy would concentrate more on his 'own family' rather than her inlaws. Trust me once guys have their own kids to look after they give more importance to them as compared to anyone else.
Ask her husband to stop thinking about divorce they jumped into hell now they have to work their way out together through thick and thin.
Ask her to be nice with her husband. Atleast he tried to make this work and didnt torture her more by staying with his parents..he gave her a separate home.
Instead of constantly nagging she should politely share her complains with him as you mentioned he loves her im sure he would listen.
Read Quran and do zikr it will give her sukoon and the assurance she needs.

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They somehow agreed to this rishta thats the reason they even came to pak in the first place but they are not willing to accept.

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Re: My friend's problem :(

^^^ Uff........ Pakistani families :(

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Re: My friend's problem :(

So the husband is just standing around worrying about tameez and respect for parents when his wife is in mental agony and has had two frickin miscarriages???

What more will it take to tell his family enough is enough?

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Re: My friend's problem :(

yep do all this!! great advice!
and make sure to pray / do dua with a pure heart and intentions!
inshALLAH Allah will help u get thru it all!

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Re: My friend’s problem :frowning:

op: :smack:

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Re: My friend's problem :(

^ i request.......for godsake.........plz don't rape the punjabi language.........seirously..

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Re: My friend's problem :(

Terrible situation all around. Hope things get better for your friend. :(

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Re: My friend's problem :(

Does she want to be with him? If she does, then the answer is clear:

Change your attitude. This is not a long drawn out drama on TV. She doesn't need to silently suffer the tanay of her saas and nand and peejao apne dil ka dukh with the camera zooming in on her from ten different angles. Who does that?

She's pregnant and the health of her unborn child and the well being of her marriage are a priority here. God knows when the larkay walay will learn but will she wait around for that day to come? Is that want her plan is? That someday they will come to her doorstep and apologize to her for all her khoon ke ansoon and give her the presents she was due?

It will NEVER happen.

I understand you say your friend is innocent but innocence to the point she has been is considered stupidity. When you act stupid, you cannot blame anyone but yourself. Even if she still blames inlaws, it gets her nowhere because placing blame is NOT a solution.

The only solution here is to toughen up. You don't need to be on anti depressants to be stronger, they just make you weaker. She needs to put HER OWN family before anyone else now. Forget the in-laws. Forget their drama. Forget her walima. Forget her saas and also her nand. Tell her to focus on her own home and that's it.

Stop talking bad about his family. He won't listen to it so its useless. No one likes hearing things about their mom so all she's doing is pushing husband away...right into their lap. He will NOT understand.

Stop trying to win them over...instead become a stronger and better person. Be nice but don't be bothered about it if they're not nice back.

As for the money...once the baby comes...things will change. Tell her to treat her husband well and stop worrying about the in-laws. Things will take care of themselves.

When someone possesses a bad attitude, its more a reflection of who THEY are rather than you. When you look at it that way...it bothers you much less and you don't care if they go green in the face screaming at you.

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Re: My friend's problem :(

Why are they moving-in with the son..??..Didn't he buy his family a big new house when he himself was living in an apartment..??

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Re: My friend's problem :(

Who the heck marries their daughter into a family without even once speaking to the guy's family? There were lots of red flags before the wedding, ab sab bhughto! The girl needs to get over it - her in-laws hate her, they're never going to like her. Accept it and move on and take happiness from the other people in her life and make sure her relationship with her husband is solid - that's all she can do.

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Re: My friend's problem :(

true, a lot of red flags before the wedding, I'm surprised the girl's family didn't take it to consideration. Khair, As for now maybe she can have a temporary separation? Since she is pregnant, she can take a break and go live with her parents till delivery? That way she will have time to think about her life, and be a little relaxed and have a normal healthy baby. Also, the hubby can maybe realize what he has, and if he doesn't, then she can get a better understanding of what she has in store ahead of her. She wont be able to change the in-laws, maybe toughen up a little so its not as easy to step all over her but that is about it. Maybe she can visit her parents when hubby's family comes for a visit, after all they ONLY come to visit him. Hope it works out for her.

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Re: My friend's problem :(

was that good try?

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Re: My friend's problem :(

y dunt they accept the girl though ? ..

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Re: My friend's problem :(

Is your friend willing to move away at least temporarily, to change her situation?

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Re: My friend's problem :(

First of all, extremely sorry y'all for making the thread so long, I didn't realize it until I posted it. And secondly, sorry for not breaking it up as, like I said, I was typing on the iPhone app and it would not let me enter it the way I wanted. So sorry to those who found it messed up and thanks to those who read it and replied :) And thanks to Spiral for summarizing it :)

  Anyways,just gonna answer some questions in this thread.  Yes, it's stupid to get married w/o the guys' family but her family didn't take it the wrong way (as in drama) because in the U.S, they are a known to be a nice family. Another thing, they really thought she might be sick. Her mom did want to postpone the wedding but after all the preps, relatives, and what not, it didn't seem feasible. My friend couldn't say much now because wedding day was two days after and everything (mostly damage) was done! Also, they thought that the walima will be in Karachi and it'll all be fine. 

 She was never physically abused but mentally it was more than enough. Like, when she would visit her in-laws she was told to all the housework and literally spend the whole day on her feet, while pregnant! They were told to sleep in different rooms and the son was kept busy in something so he isn't seen sitting/chatting with her! I mean a LOT of mental abuse, even more than what I have mentioned (yup!). First two years she didn't tell her family but now she's starting to open up a little, but still fears as this was all her decision. She never had problems with living with the in-laws if they were nice and respectful, so this was never brought up before wedding. 

 She doesn't want the husband to leave them, but just speak up, and for them to be a little nice to her. Husband tried speaking up a couple of times, but he's just as sensitive and emotional as she is, so he was told to shut up using the words "main tumhari maa hun, meine 9 months peyt mein rakha" and all that drama, so he keeps shut! I know very disturbing! :'( Oh btw, the family went to Pak so no one doubts them in the U.S and they told their son, if he wants to marry, he can go alone to Islmbd. They thought doing this would stop him altogether as going alone to his wedding won't be possible, but he still did as it was after all an option from them I suppose.

  They both don't want to leave each other. Also, son changes his decisions based on his family. Like she wanted to go to Dental school after she got married, got accepted in the same city they were living in, husband supported her, was fine with it UNTIL his mom said no, she can't go to school and no need to spend extra money on her!  Husband said "just let it go".  I mean there's just so much that they do w/o living with them, God knows what it'll be living with them! Hubby says it'll be ok, trust Allah. Sometimes she does regret her decision but too late and she still loves him a lot!