OK many of my GS friends already know that I have been busy with a friend’s wedding. She is a very good friend of mine and we are friends since past 14 years. My friend wanted me to accompany her to her beauty parlour for bridal make up, the timings were very odd and it was a weekday so I had to took half day off from work. I did so just to take her to beauty parlour. So on that particular day since 3:00 pm to 4 p.m. I was at her house then at beauty parlour till like 8:15 p.m. I was dead tired since I was sitting on small chair all the time when I was in parlour without water. So after coming back home I reached at the wedding venue at some 10:30 and after the dinner I left at 11:45. Now I had to go to work the next day too and only I know how tired & sleepy I was.
Now yesterday I got a call from this friend of mine and she complained saying that my brother was saying that your friend didn’t stay long enough. Now I was pissed off I told her that I was not on leave like you & your family members were and it was already very tiring for me. What they did not even try to realise that I have a baby and it’s not easy for me to leave her for that long , emotionally it’s very hard on me to be without my baby for so long and that day the whole day I didn’t see my daughter.
Similarly , when I was at the wedding venue her brother came to meet me and my dad , then he started asking questions that why didn’t my mom and my daughter came for the wedding. My dad told him that it’s hard to manage a baby at such places and it gets quite late too so we did not want to put baby in any trouble. Her brother said that what’s so special about your baby , so many babies & toddler are here she could have come too. I was very angry because I can’t listen any thing about my baby but I didn’t say anything because I did not want to spoil her wedding.
Just to tell you in my wedding neither of her parents came and for invitation I myself went to her and give invitation whereas she sent the invitation of her wedding through someone else. She also did not stayed till my rukhsaati and went right after the dinner.
Now I am really annoyed at her brother 1st for saying such thing about my daughter and second for criticising me for not staying late. Next time if she comes up with any new thing I just want to tell her to keep your brother out of our friendship. How can I tell her ? plus I can not hear anything against my baby and that day what he said really tested my patience.
PS: Please excuse any grammatical or typing errors above. I am in office and wrote in hurry
Don’t let it get to you. You know how desi culture can be…the hosts will often times push the guests to stay longer. You tell them you have a test to study for…they’ll brush it off as no big deal…you tell them you have to get up early to go to work…they’ll say koi baat nahin…tell em the kids are waiting for me at home…they’ll say it’s okay bachay theek hain…thori dair aur reh jaao. I’ve seen it so many times…you must have noticed it as well in various forms.
Some people are just not good at wording things…even though their intentions may be good. I think your friend’s brother meant to say that…you should have brought your daughter to the wedding…and that way you could have stayed longer and enjoyed the wedding with greater piece of mind because your daughter would be with you…and you won’t worry about how she’s doing at home. When he said “what’s so special about your daugther”…(again some people aren’t good with words)…and he could have meant that …in his opinion…your daughter could have handled a wedding with no problems…that the “special adjustment” (of leaving her at home) wasn’t necessary…because he personally felt…that she’d do just fine at the wedding. Of course, as the parent, you know your daughter better.
As far as your friend is concerned…she’s been with you since the past 14 years. Again not all friends are the same…and she just might not be skilled in matters of courtesy (delivering invitations personally, etc). Ho sakta hai k…since she feels really close to you…she becomes sort of relaxed with her manners. You know the whole “apno k saath” you loosen up with the formalities? If you feel that she doesn’t reciprocate when it comes to your needs (being there for you)…then don’t rush to be there for her all the time. It’s okay to maintain a distance sometimes.
The next time your friend asks you to sacrifice a huge amount of time to do something either for her…OR…with her…just calmly explain to her that while you enjoy her company…you still have to consider work and your daughter…and that these two responsibilities factor into your decisions.
****Is your friend’s brother FREQUENTLY involving himself in your matters??? If he usually stays away from you…and only acted this way during the wedding…then I’d let it go. It was a wedding…he was being hospitable…and encouraging you to stay longer. Now if he’s always involved in your affairs with your friend…that’s another issue. Could it be that he’s needed in those matters in some way? I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell your friend to tell her bro to get lost unless you manage to do it in a light-hearted jokey sort of way. Something like that is more than likely to cause offense.
I don’t have any issue with the way she sent invitation because her wedding was decided in 2 weeks and I can understand the time issues she must be facing. What I was saying that I personally requested her mom to come to my wedding but she did not and I never complained to my friend.
You are right over there that he only got involved during the wedding and I should let it go. I don’t want to say anything to my friend anyway because she has just got married and I really don’t want to spoil anything for her plus she has been really a good friend to me and I have so much of respect for her thats why I listened to all that crap without saying anything in return.
What I was saying that I personally requested her mom to come to my wedding but she did not and I never complained to my friend.
Plus she has been really a good friend to me and I have so much of respect for her thats why I listened to all that crap without saying anything in return.
Could be many possibilities why your friend's mom didn't show up at your wedding such as mom wasn't feeling well....family obligations/emergencies....an argument could have taken place between your friend's mom and someone in the family at the last moment and it spoiled her mood so she couldn't go.....etc etc. I'm sure as an elder...she appreciated the courtesy and consideration on your part. Just think to yourself that everything happens for a reason....and Allah willed it that she not come.
You say she's a good friend....so forget about her mom not attending your wedding....and don't let her brother's comment bother you. Your friend doesn't have control over what her mother and brother say and do. Enjoy the friendship.....it's not common to find friends who have been a part of your life for this long, :)
Re: My friend's brother is getting on my nerves :(
Son't let it bother you, seriously I hate such needy ungratefull friends. Least they can do is show some gratituade.
Here is my story, I have a friends who is like that too, her mom called me to help her with nikkah prep. I was in first year uni at that time and didn't drive, the transit was on strike that day, so I had to walk all the way to her home, took me like 2 hours. When i got there they were like oh you came so late..and I was like there was no bus, and she had a nerve to tell me that I should have taken a cab. In my head I was thinking who would have paid for the cab (I was a student would want to pay 50 buck at that time). The same day after we were done, they didn't offer a ride nothing, it was like 8 at night. So I called my brother to come and pick me up, he waqs studing with his friends in uni at that time, got total pissed off, came to pick me up. I mean come on these ppl had 4 cars at home, and I was not just a daughter's friend, her mother was a mom's very good friend and her physician. I dn't know why I was so stupid...
Then later when she got married and I started working, she ended up moving to the the same city as I was. Everytime her husband will go out for a busines trip she used to ask me to come and stay over because she was scared, I did it few times because sher used to breakdown on phone and her husband would then call me, poor husband had to beg me once because I was working on an important project and car was in for repairs. So he was like please come over I will come pick you up (toronto-hamilton) and please use my car when you go to work. So he leaves that night, and this woman friend of mine in the morning say ohhh are yo sure you can drive this car....dahh I was driving for like 10 years at that time, and already drove to NY and chicago from toronto couple of time by myself, but htis friend she was scared I will hit her hubby's nice X5 somewhere and her won car she needed for her kids during the day. I had to take a cab to nearest go station and take a go downtown toronto. Since then I excused myself from her duty..we were the same age, she was married with two kids at that time, and so bloody selfish.. we are still friends but when she asks for such favours I excuse myself..
Dont take these things to heart, now when I think about it I think I should have made myself clear to her, may be you should do the same. Esp when your daughteris involved, there is nothing more imp than your own child..
Re: My friend's brother is getting on my nerves :(
wow.
Who the hell is the guy to come and talk to his sisters friends this way, whats it to him. If it was me, i woulda told him to **** off and he should be lucky you even bothered to step foot in the wedding. God these people are making me angry and its not even my problem....grrrr
Now yesterday I got a call from this friend of mine and she complained saying that my brother was saying that your friend didn't stay long enough. Now I was pissed off I told her that I was not on leave like you & your family members were and it was already very tiring for me. What they did not even try to realise that I have a baby and it's not easy for me to leave her for that long , emotionally it's very hard on me to be without my baby for so long and that day the whole day I didn't see my daughter.
No one realizes the situation except the ones in it.
As for the brother, forget about it...he doesn't even count. Not worth wasting any more of your time
Re: My friend's brother is getting on my nerves :(
This thread is not meant for humanity at large , it is opened to seek advise from people here , if you can't give any then I would appreciate you don't spoil it either.
This thread is not meant for humanity at large , it is opened to seek advise from people here , if you can't give any then I would appreciate you don't spoil it either.
ok sorry i though it was meant for humanity at large
