My friend is going crazy and I don't know what to do.

Lifestyle Relationships
1

If I told you I was the most drama free person you know, you would never believe me cos everything I post here is dramatic AF.

Let's just jump into it...one of my good friends (Pakistani, female, 33 - these details will matter later) has always had a pretty rough love/relationships life. She was married and her husband was abusive (he was in the military and a real FOB very backwards etc), she got divorced and then got into another long and abusive relationship with another backwards thinking guy. Her home life is good overall, her parents are very supportive and loving but her poor sister does have a disease that basically limits her lifespan. Overall, if you knew her, you would say she is one of the sweetest, kindest people you would know. I have never experienced anything negative with her or seen her be horrible to anyone.

Recently she has been a bit off, a lot more angrier and having arguments with people left, right and centre. I honestly felt it would be my turn soon, because of the speed at which she was ridding people from her life. And she has a bad habit of sending screenshots of the private conversations she has with people to other friends she has so I know that sometimes it is her initiating the fights (and I can't understand why).

But her problem is, she is too emotional. Like TOO emotional, she will not allow ANYONE to be right if she has decided on something (even if she is 1000% wrong). She has difficulty seeing anything she does as 'wrong' and instead in an argument will flip and put all the blame on the other person. I realised all of this recently. She was feeling low and struggling financially. She has some random ex from her past from whom she gets money every month (don't even ask, I don't get it and have tried to convince her to stop because it is wrong and weird especially since she is just using him for money and he likes her/wants to marry her). Well this month he did not deliver and he went into what I can only think is deep deep deep depression. She flipped out on me, her sister, mum, everyone and anyone who came into contact with her.

What happened is, I said to her again please don't just rely on this guy - be strong and independent etc etc and she basically flipped the fffffffffffffff OUT. She deleted all social media, stop answering anyones calls, crying non-stop, went and went totally off the radar - and she is very addicted to her phone so her being off the radar for even 30 mins is alarming (no exaggerating). Her sister called me in a panic saying she might do something stupid. So I panicked and begged her to just speak to someone, if not me, and confirm she was OK. By the end of the day - she did this and that guy had sent her the money she wanted and she was suddenly OK.

The next day, in the nicest way possible, I was like why would you do that extreme thing yesterday? Why make everyone including your family worry - if you just OK like that.

Oh my god, the following part I can't even type out because it is so f-ed up. She went from up, down, up, down, mad to sad to angry to accusatory. Saying I didn't care about her, I didn't understand her, she didn't wanna be my friend and how I was a horrible person. At first I was confused so didn't react much (she sent me 45 long messages in 1 hour while I was out with my friends and didn't reply, then sent me imessages to berate me for not relying on whatsapp). Later I did get mad - I asked to just stop and leave me alone for a bit to think at least. She did. But soon after her mum called me - begging me to apologise and just dead the whole thing because she was 1000% incapable of doing so and she didn't even think it was possible for her to just be mature. Her own mum!!!!

So I did it, how can I say no to her mum? I took all the blame (for God knows what), said sorry and asked her to please forget it and just take care of her health - she took all of but 5 seconds to accept and then was happy.

Guys...my blood is boiling typing this!!!! I mean she deffo is suffering mentally - but that fast reaction after getting what she wanted (to be validated with an apology that her behaviour is correct and for me to basically enable her) just leads me to believe it was 50% mental and 50% DRAMA.

And I feel bad for her, but I don't know what to do. I have never dealt with such a situation - for her whole family to drag me into this is also soooo F-ed up. I asked her if she was OK today and she barely replied - it's like OK I can't ignore you/get back to you in my own time but it's OK for you to do the same? WTF is this. I don't know what to do with this friendship now. It can never be the same and I don't trust her - but she is also obviously going though a mental break down.

What do you guys think? Please help me with some advice - I hate losing friendships and I can't deal with this disappointment.

2

I feel bad about her being in two abusive relationships but it seems either through those relationships or through her family coddling her, she has picked up the habit of being emotionally manipulative herself. Going to extreme ends to get her way out of other people is horrible and completely not ok. The fact that her family reached out to you to get you to apologize makes me think perhaps the family feels responsible for her abusive relationships and are trying to please her in any way that can.

You can be there for her but do not tolerate her manipulative behavior, keep the conversations limited to just checking up on her. Don’t question her behavior or anything else that would cause her to throw a tantrum. I know you are only trying to help but don’t get burned out in the process. It seems she has a lot of emotional baggage to sort through and may she get the help she needs. iA

3

I lost you at the end of 2nd para sorry. I did not understand the twice married girl is your friend or her ill sister? Sorry if I’m mixing them up as it wasn’t clear to me.

I don’t known How you knoe this family but in my honest opinion they are one dysfunctional family. Is this the married girl whom you said borrows (or demands free) money from her ex ‘boyfriend’ ?? Sorry again it was not clear if that ex is her ex husband whom she divorced? How can her current husband, father or brother (if she has any) be okay with that?? It’s clear that she is an emotional blackmailer. The fact that her family is supporting her in that (as in asking her friends to apologize they don’t even know for which fault) proves that the whole family is dysfunctional.

My answer may not be best because I did not understand many parts of your post. But if I were in your place, I would stay away from all the members of this family for the peace of my mind.

4

Maybe there is an underlying reason for all of this.

I have a friend who does similar things (but in a more depressing way, she doesn’t lash out at anyone or disrespects them) to a guy she likes, mind you they aren’t even in a relationship, this is 1-sided. one night we were out having dinner and she started talking about how he hasn’t texted her etc that day, so I kept trying to tell her he is probably sleeping or something since he works very long hours and to let it be, it’s not a big deal. But homegirl would just not listen and totally shut off herself. I mean, she was talking about not living anymore and whatnot. the next morning I come to find out she drove several hours to an area full of mountains to “to think” and cry her heart out because all men are the same, and she can’t trust them blah blah . ALL BECAUSE HE DIDNT REPLY TO HER TEXT. that same morning he messaged her something like “good morning how are you, I was going to call you last night after work but I was so tired I passed out”. I had called to check in on her and she seemed happy so I asked what happened, and she told me they talked and now she was fine and that she just was a little sad he didn’t talk to her that’s all, but its all good now. :confused::confused:

my point is - her issue is that she is madly in love with the guy - hence her behavior. maybe your friend has something going on internally that she hasn’t told you about and that is the reason for her acting like this. you wont know until she tells you. And if her parents are going to the extent of contacting you, I can almost guarantee something else is brewing in the background

5

She Is manipulative , no wonder two marriages failed. Who can Pt up with such crap for whole life. And a manipulator can always pull out the ?abuse? card.

6

She needs to see a professional and get some kind of diagnosis.

7

You really have time for all this?

8

150 mg xanax, 300 mg klonopin and 1200 mg of melatonin, should not be taken.

9

Shes suffering from bipolar disease and stockholm syndrome she needs to get medical help

10

I am going to reply to everyone individually but just as an overall update to everyone: I spoke with her at length (after taking a short break from her AFTER I made sure she was OK) and I just told her that involving family in our issues was not normal. She needs to look after herself and I really do hope she is ok. She has never ever ever ever done something like this before, so this time I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. She deffo has some kinda underlying issues but I don’t know what to say about it because she clearly does not listen to me or her family about seeking help. Her fam deffo crazy too cos they are just enabling her. I don’t want to loose her friendship but decided to keep more of a distance with her now.

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