Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
@NoMi .... I wouldnt go so far as to attacking her value system ...because seriously in a situation like hers ...a value system would be pretty nonexistent...she's lost ,,, i wud be too if my mom didnt want to have anything to do with me ....so she was absent to teach me anything and my parents were trying to deal with getting rid of each other so dad didnt have the opportunity to teach me anything either
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
I am not attacking her value system.......i am just pointing out a possibility........
there are loads of people who grow up without a mother......sure its very difficult beyond our imagination........but still that doesn't mean she go sleep with people......that too over and over again......you can't go on repeating a mistake again n again.....
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
she needs counselling for sure but if she is not willing then she needs good friends to provide her with emotional support...build her self esteem...dont look at her with pity...when she feels sorry for herself tell her she's lucky she's beautiful and smart...tell her to prove to the world that she is something by working on her education there are ways friends can help build each other up...you and her other friends are in a position to do that...dont talk down to her ...build her up
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
I am not attacking her value system.......i am just pointing out a possibility........
there are loads of people who grow up without a mother......sure its very difficult beyond our imagination........but still that doesn't mean she go sleep with people......that too over and over again......
I think growing up without a mother and being openly rejected by your mother are two very different things, I mean her mum refuses to help her pay for her education, her mother just has rejected her in every way and i think my friend was deeply affected when her mum left the country with a different man just like that..
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
agreed but those ppl may have a father who is very involved or other members of the family like khalas or phuphos or something that are involved and those ppl may not have been traumatized by the feeling that their mother didnt want them..im just saying there's a lot more involved here than a simple her mom is absent
I am not attacking her value system.......i am just pointing out a possibility........
there are loads of people who grow up without a mother......sure its very difficult beyond our imagination........but still that doesn't mean she go sleep with people......that too over and over again......you can't go on repeating a mistake again n again.....
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
she needs counselling for sure but if she is not willing then she needs good friends to provide her with emotional support...build her self esteem...dont look at her with pity...when she feels sorry for herself tell her she's lucky she's beautiful and smart...tell her to prove to the world that she is something by working on her education there are ways friends can help build each other up...you and her other friends are in a position to do that...dont talk down to her ...build her up
oh yeah i totally totally agree, i always try and encourage her and build up her self worth, i think all my sadness for her has come out here on GS because i feel so helpless i wish i could click my fingers and make something amazing happen for her!
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
I think growing up without a mother and being openly rejected by your mother are two very different things, I mean her mum refuses to help her pay for her education, her mother just has rejected her in every way and i think my friend was deeply affected when her mum left the country with a different man just like that..
So true..
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
All she needs is Islam and Allah to make her a stronger person. Plz tell her to get involved in islamic university lectures. She needs to socialize with people who follow the guidelines of Allah so her eyes can see the meaning of life... InshAllah she will find a good boy once she stops sleeping with men. Tell her to make the man earn her, put a price on her body, instead of giving it for free if he really shows affection towards her then make him official. If she go against Allah, he wont be happy with her... Love is more than lust. Tell her to change the meaning of love... Men are not the only creatures to be loved... Friends, family, objects, religion, and etc are different types of love too... Love is full of life...
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
This is so sad. I wish I could sit down with her and give her some advice. I know it must be really hard for u dealing with her cuz most of the time they dont listen.
I hope Allah tala puts her on the right path and ease her problems.
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
There is a saying something like that when you don't have something good to say don't say nothing at all. Like the sensible and sane people in this thread have mentioned that it is not absence of her mother that her made her the way she is right now rather it is the REJECTION she has received from one of the most sacred relationships in this world. Really on Life1 some men are always shouting that their moms are so important and blah blah and when it comes to other people they have nothing but bad comments to make.
She needs counselling and she needs undivided love and attention from the one parent she has that is her father. We can not imagine what she must be feeling like to be rejected by her own mother like that. I can tell you that an individual as young as one year old understands the rejection from his/her parents and she has literally seen divorce between her parents her entire life. She is in a really messed up state of mind. No psychiatrist can help her. Only love can heal her and I sincerely believe that a single parent can do this job but he will have to work hard alot !
If I was her friend I would try to make her stop all this by explaining that she should not treat her children the way she was treated by her parents and children needs a stable mother. The unstable situation that she is in right now would ultimately leave her pregnant and alone . She has to put a stop somewhere other wise she will destroy herself and her future.
Re: My friend: A child of divorce...advice?
A friend of mine who is now 21 is unfortunately not in a good place at all.
Her parents have finally got divorced after a 15 year battle, she has lived with her father all her life, her mother left her when she was 3 years old and her she never really got any love from her mother, her mother is not interested in her at all sadly.
The 15 years of battle were bitter and difficult, her mother left to another country with a different man for a while which is why the proceedings were dragged.
The divorce is coming to an end now but unfortunately her father has had to hand over alot of money to her mother and they are left with very few savings, she has had to take a year out of uni to get a full time job in order to support herself and her father.
Now the issue is, i think obviously she has been traumatised by this whole experience and due to the lack of a mothers love but what she is doing is getting involved with terrible men and basically gives her body to anyone who is nice to her and then those men leave and she feels abdondent and lonely and rejected all over again.
I have tried to speak to her and support her but i just feel so frustrated at her situation and i want her to stop getting involved with these men who she thinks will make her feel wanted and loved but infact bring her spiralling further down.
I feel so helpless and dont know what to do!!
Next time she finds a person who is nice to her, she needs to marry hi,m before she gives her body to him.