My First Piece!

[Asma_Farhan]

I am happy on one side and sad on another
I am celebrating on one side and mourning on another

I worked very hard but could not succeed
I struggled very hard but without any heed.

Ah! how can I prosper just tell me a way
I have asked so many people but they all said: Nay

Nay! we cannot help you
And you cannot succeed too

It’s all in your luck, Its all in your fate
And you have to become a nature’s bait

But still, standing in a meadow
Facing the sun, I cannot see my shadow

By this hope I can carry on
In this cruel world of everyone!

[goodnews]

Re: My First Piece!

:k:

[Dushwari]

Re: My First Piece!

nice imagery.
good start. keep sharing.
you bring in contrasting emotions, which is a sign of being really hurt or distanced from what you wanted, after all your hard work.
so, is that as to why the protagonist is dejected?
perhaps, the up side is being ignored?
sometimes, we learn, only from experience and experience teaches us not tomake the same mistakes ever again.
thus, focus on your own self to better it, without being selfish, and do not the useless cruel world. :>
best,
Dushwari

[Asma_Farhan]

Re: My First Piece!

@goodnews

:k:

Thanx!

@zulfiqar_yaqoob

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@Dushwari

nice imagery.
good start. keep sharing.
you bring in contrasting emotions, which is a sign of being really hurt or distanced from what you wanted, after all your hard work.
so, is that as to why the protagonist is dejected?
perhaps, the up side is being ignored?
sometimes, we learn, only from experience and experience teaches us not tomake the same mistakes ever again.
thus, focus on your own self to better it, without being selfish, and do not the useless cruel world. :>
best,
Dushwari

Thanx!

Yes there are contrasting emotions, & u have rightly judged that I was really hurt at that time when I wrote it but, you see hope coming back again towards the end. I ended it with some words by Helen Keller.
No it was not something related to experience. It was what we get by our luck or to put it rightly that what is there in store for us from Allah Almighty. And then if there is something not for us,people around us start to talk about it, that really hurts. Thats when u experience the pain of not getting the thing more.
Well ur saying:
** thus, focus on your own self to better it, without being selfish, and do not the useless cruel world. :>
**is really motivating.

[Azad]

Re: My First Piece!

pehli koshish hay allah qamyab karay

[sunny_nicky]

Re: My First Piece!

nice :) Ameeen

[hiba_no.1]

Re: My First Piece!

very nice Asma…:k: i like it

[moonmine]

Re: My First Piece!

It’s all in your luck, Its all in your fate
And you have to become a nature’s bait

very meaningful & very true..

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bohat achi koshish hai Asma

---

younhin aap apni shayiri dekhati rahen..
to hum Shore-e-Gupshup main likhtey rahen…

---

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[mirage]

Re: My First Piece!

very nice. If its a first attempt, we should be expecting for greater more :) welcome to the community of shoa'ra :)

[Asma_Farhan]

Re: My First Piece!

pehli koshish hay allah qamyab karay

very nice. If its a first attempt, we should be expecting for greater more :) welcome to the community of shoa'ra :)

Thanx! Although its my first try. But this is about 4-5 years old. I thought to share my first one.

nice :) Ameeen

Thanx!

[Asma_Farhan]

Re: My First Piece!

@hiba_no.1

very nice Asma…:k: i like it

@moonmine

It’s all in your luck, Its all in your fate
And you have to become a nature’s bait

very meaningful & very true..

bohat achi koshish hai Asma

younhin aap apni shayiri dekhati rahen..
to hum Shore-e-Gupshup main likhtey rahen…

Thanx! ur replies have been very encouraging!

[sunny_nicky]

Re: My First Piece!

:)

[zero_zero_seven]

Re: My First Piece!

interesting!!!
A very good effort few years back

BTW, what abt your ANY current PERWAAZ?

@Asma_Farhan

I was really hurt at that time when I wrote it

Since you wrote it while being hurt for some reasons … that’s y my remarks below should not be taken seriously… its just for fun

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@Asma_Farhan

I am happy on one side and sad on another
I am celebrating on one side and mourning on another

aik joke yaad aa gya hai… but cant narrate

@Asma_Farhan

I worked very hard but could not succeed
I struggled very hard but without any heed.

kia zaroorat thi itni mehnat aur struggle kernay ki is zalim dunya mein..

@Asma_Farhan

Ah! how can I prosper just tell me a way

No way

@Asma_Farhan

I have asked so many people but they all said: Nay

aik vote mera bhi

@Asma_Farhan

Nay! we cannot help you
And you cannot succeed too

bohat dukh huwa ye jaan ker

@Asma_Farhan

It’s all in your luck, Its all in your fate
And you have to become a nature’s bait

hai ri ye qismat

@Asma_Farhan

But still, standing in a meadow
** Facing the sun**, I cannot see my shadow

sun ko face kertay kertay skin colour black ho jai ga

@Asma_Farhan

By this hope I can carry on
In this cruel world of everyone!

exclude me off this world cuz at least I’m not cruel

[zero_zero_seven]

Re: My First Piece!

******younhin aap apni shayiri dekhati rahen.. to hum Shore-e-Gupshup main likhtey rahen...:)

I'm waiting for your effort too :)

[Asma_Farhan]

Re: My First Piece!

@zero_zero_seven

interesting!!!
A very good effort few years back

BTW, what abt your ANY current PERWAAZ?

Nope Is k hashar k baad, I’m not sharing anything else!

@zero_zero_seven

Since you wrote it while being hurt for some reasons … that’s y my remarks below should not be taken seriously… its just for fun

@zero_zero_seven

aik joke yaad aa gya hai… but cant narrate

Moonmine nay bilkul theek kaha tha in that other thread. Something abt azal say I couldn’t have said it in a better way

@zero_zero_seven

I’m waiting for your effort too

moonmine if u write, u should share something with us too

[zero_zero_seven]

Re: My First Piece!

moonmine if u write, u should share something with us too :)

anxiously waiting :)

[moonmine]

Re: My First Piece!

@zero_zero_seven

aik joke yaad aa gya hai…

irshaad irshaad!!

@zero~zero~seven

kia zaroorat thi itni mehnat aur struggle kernay ki is zalim dunya mein..

ab har koi kahil thori hota hai

@zero~zero~seven

aik vote mera bhi

zaya chala gaya

@zero~zero~seven

hai ri ye qismat

kis ki??

@zero~zero~seven

sun ko face kertay kertay skin colour black ho jai ga

aap ki taran

@zero~zero~seven

at least I’m not cruel

is sadi ka ..sab se bara jhoot..

[moonmine]

Re: My First Piece!

@Asma_Farhan

Nope Is k hashar k baad, I’m not sharing anything else!

arayyyy .. aisa mat karna..

next time aisa hashar nahi hoga..

@Asma Farhan

Moonmine nay bilkul theek kaha tha in that other thread. Something abt azal say I couldn’t have said it in a better way

… …

[moonmine]

Re: My First Piece!

@Asma_Farhan

moonmine if u write, u should share something with us too

yaar tum kafi genius ho :k:…God gifted salahiyat hai ye..

main itna acha write nahi kar sakti..

[Aryaan]

Re: My First Piece!

Very Nice Asma..:k: