MY FIRST PEOM 'YEH DHARTI PAKISTAN KI'

umeed24 · June 30, 2002, 9:27am

thanks alot for ur appreceation and encouragemant,here is my very first poem.

YEH DHARTI PAKISTAN KI
JIS NE HAMAIN PEHCHAN DI
AGAY ISE BHARAIN GE
NAAM ROSHAN KARJAIN GE
YEH DHARTI PAKISTAN KI
FASAD SE ISE BACHAIN GE
JAAN PAR APNI KHEL JAIN GE
DUSHMAN KO MAR BHAGAIN GE
CHEEN SAKE GA NA KOI
YEH DHARTI PAKISTAN KI
LUB PAR YEHI EK NARA HAI
YEH DAIS BUS HAMARA HAI
HAR DIL YEH SAHARA HAI
ZINDA RAHE PAINDA RAHE
YEH DHARTI PAKISTAN KI

[This message has been edited by umeed24 (edited June 30, 2002).]

Nayab · June 30, 2002, 9:30am

Hmmm Bohot khoob…Humara mulq to akhir humhara mulq hai…Chahay hum jitna bhi bahir mulq rehe..lekin woh baat nahin jo humhare pakistan main…

Thanks for sharing…And welcome to Gupshup

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Lajawab · June 30, 2002, 4:56pm

Very nice Umeed...Everything fits perfectly...the rythm the rhyme..Excellent job...

Better to be wrong than have no opinion.

Tassneef · July 1, 2002, 6:45pm

Bohaat khoob aagar pehli Koshish hai to bohaat acHi Nazm hai

bass zara Wazan ka aur Behr ka farq hai baaqi kHaiyaalaat acHey haiN…Isko agar aap youN likheiN to kaissa rahegaa ?:-

**Yeh Dharti Pakistan ki
jisne hameiN Pehchaan di

KudoortoN ki SiaahiaN miTainge
MohabatoN ke Gul khilaainge
Ilm ki ShammeiN jalainge
Dharti Roshan kar jaiNge

Yeh Dharti Ehl-e-Quraan ki
yeh Dharti Pakistaan ki

Zulm se Isse bachaiNgey
Lahoo ke Jaam pilaainge
Dushman ko maar bhagainge
Jaan per bhi Khel jaiNgey

Nisaar iss pe Jaan ki
Yeh dharti Pakistaan ki

Lab per aik hi Naara hai
Yeh Gulistaan hamaara hai
Amman ka jo Gehwaara hai
Chamakta jiska Sitaara hai

Aissi Dharti pakistaan ki
Yeh Dharti pakistaan ki

**

Iss Nazm ki mere kHaiyaal se yahi Islaah ho sakti thi:-

Note:- Islaah se ghabraiyegaa nahin ..keh aap ka Shauq tab hi pukHtaa hogaa jab yeh Islaah ki chakki se piss kar niklegaa aur
aap ka Kalaam tab hi kundan banegaa jab yeh Tanqeed ki aag mein se niklegaa

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

so
verry nice keep it up

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**Ham Ehl-e-Qafas tanhaa bhi nahiN har roz Naseem-e-Subah-e-Watan
YaadoN se Mo`attar aati hai AshkoN se Munawwar jaati hai **

[This message has been edited by Tassneef (edited July 01, 2002).]

XChorniX · July 2, 2002, 10:44am

very nice umeed aunty

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggthumb.gif

**]/] ]] $ ] ] ]/] **

OnE LoVe

umeed24 · July 2, 2002, 1:07pm

HEY,TASNEEF THIS POEM 'YEH DHARTI PAKISTAN KI WAS MY VERY FIRST POEM THAT I WROTE 9YRS AGO.I ALREADY SEND MY OTHER POEM 'MUJHE YAAD TO TUM BOHAT KARTE HOGAI' FEW DAYS AGO.THANKS AGAIN FOR UR APPRECEATION GUYS.WAISE JO AAP NE LIKHA YEH BHI ACHA HAI.

umeed24 · July 2, 2002, 1:20pm

thx XChornix for ur comment,by the way how old r u?u r a senior member is’nt.

Tassneef · July 2, 2002, 4:47pm

Assalaam-o-alikum

I know Umeed Sahibaa mashaallah aap bohaat acHa kehti haiN

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Note:- maiN ne jiss lyie reply karna tha keh wo jo aap keh rahi haiN keh maiN ne likhaa hai. wo dar-assal maiN ne nahin aap ne hi likhaa hai-…maiN ne aapni naqas Aqal se usski islaah ki hai..wo Nazm meri nahiN balkeh 100% aap ki hai ..jaanti haiN meri gHazliaayaat bhi abhi tak Islaah ke Sainche se guzarti hain aur baaz- auqaat to meri gHazal meri rehti hi nahin hai–khaiyaal mera rehta hai alfaaz badal jaate hain …magar iss ka matlab yeh nahi keh wo kissi aur ki gHazal hui..balkeh meri hi rehti hai

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aap samjhiN? Jo maiN ne Islaah ki hai wo aap hi ki gHazal hai..youn keh lijiye keh Wo aap ki Zameen (formate) thi aur uss meiN Hall maiN ne chalaiyaa magar zaahir hai jab Beej( kHaiyaal) aapkaa , zameen aapki , Fasal (alfaaz)aapki to phir gHazal meri kaissi hui..meri to zaraa si Islaah thi aur uss ka Muaawazaa mujehy youN mil jaiga keh next Time aaap iss se bhi behtar kahiN gi..kioU haiN naa baat Samajhne waali?

So keep it up aur islaah kar waaliya akrein..wesse i will suggest you keh yahaN
maiN ne dekha hai LAJAWAAB bhai aur Show_Sha Bhaai mashallah Sahib-e-Ilm haiN un se agaraap Islaah karwa lyia kareiN to wo yaqeenaan iss Field mein aapki mujh se hazaar darjaa behtar Islaah kar sakeiNge…!!!
Aap likhti rahiye ..lekin Islaah zaroor kar waaiye…kiounkeh Heer cHunne kaa keya Faidaa agar unko taraasha na jaye ?

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**Wo Ilm de jo kItaaboN se Be-Niaaz kare
Wo Aql de ke do Aalam meiN Sarfraaz kare

Mujhey to is se gHarz hai keh Raazi ho Dilbar
Yeh kaam Qais´ kare ya koi Aiyaaz´ kare

**