Re: MY first life 1 question.
Two comments
1- Tell your friend that since you are like his elder brother and the friends have to tell the friend the truth even if it hurts, its better for him to spend less time in your house. Itrs an irritating habit for his wife and she is right in demanding him to stop.
2- you seem to have too much time on your hands
Re: MY first life 1 question.
..........or as many have said if u think u can't or u shouldn't say anything to yr friend to stop him from spending time at yr place to make his wife happy .............than better start avoiding him and pretend that u got something new to keep u busy , like a new hobby etc (preferably something in which yr friend won't be able to join u or something he's not interested in ....could be a new sport , or new jym's membership etc)
OK, Mirch bhai, what you need to do at this point is so take some Tums, and actually have a heart to heart conversation with him. Tell him that while you enjoy his company and his family is welcome to your home anythime, it is obviously creating misunderstandings with his wife. His homelife is more important and he needs to focus on that first. Maybe his wife is getting insecure about where his time is being spent. (some women sometimes get insecure over little issues :o). So maybe all she wants is reassurance that her family is priority and not yours!
Do it, otherwise it could get more complicated.
If he really takes you as a big brother, he will definitely understand your point of view.
My thoughts exactly- well said sister! x
Re: MY first life 1 question.
You should spend some time at his house and he'll understand everything a lot better.
Mirch Bhai Sahib you should not take sides in your friend's family argument, staying neutral in these matters is the best policy in the long run.
Plus on the other hand the friend should not be talking about trivial matters that do not concern you if he wants to maintain his friendship...he seemed to have crossed a line that you did not want him to cross......the ball is in your court!
I agree with you his friend should not have told him about what remark his wife made about him, he should have his own sense and back off.
I have a very good friend. We spend many evenings together. We chit chat , go for walks, go do workouts together. Socially we are at the same level. He comes to my home un announced anytime he wants. Any chance he would get to be in my company he would seize it. Many a times it gets inconvenient and annoying for me but I never showed any kind of annoyance or displeasure. I always welcome him with a smile. My wife treats him as a brother . He will ask my wife to make tea for him many a times ,while he is at my home. She is such an angel too , she never showed any kind of displeasure and never complained to me about his "chai key farmaish" or him coming over any time of the day or night. Yes, daytime too , because many a times me being an IT professional work from home. If he know I will be working from home. He will tell his boss that he will be working from home and he will come over. He is an IT professional too. So he tells me that he sees me as a big brother and a very good friend, he is a little younger than I am. His wife know me very well I have no bad habits , I treat my wife with respect, my kids love me for being a loving caring father. I treat his kids ( he has three) with respect , I treat his wife with respect. So far so good , right ? Now the issue is with his wife. She does not like him spending too much time at my home and in my company. She has many a times shown her displeasure to him indirectly, he knows it, but he does not care. Not that he is not a good father or good husband. He is a very good father and husband too. She has told my wife many a times indirectly that she does not like him spending so much time at our house with me. So the problems is with him not with me, right ? Now the other day he told me that he and his wife were cleaning up their garage, there were some things he wanted to get rid of and she did not. Out of blue he said to her : "Aap yeh apnay jaheez main toh nahi lain theen" for those who do not understand I translate:" You did not bring this stuff as your dowry." She shot back with this. "( My Name here) bhai key dosti aap kay lee-a achee nahi." "( My name here) friendship is turning you into a bad man."
He told me about this whole episode and he was pretty remorseful about what he said to her wife and what she said.
Now this was a blow to my self pride.
I agree that it is a pretty insulting remark for a wife, I will never say it to my wife. This friend's wife knows that I am the kind of a guy who told my in laws when I was getting married that I will not accept anything from their side in the name of dowry. Alhumdulillah I had a well decorated home already when I got married. Therefore they understood and they were very pleased with this gesture of mine and we had a dowry free wedding.
Now what should I do ? Let it slide ? Tell him to cut back on his visits to our home ? I do not have stomach to do that. I do enjoy his company but as I said earlier sometimes I do get uncomfortable too when he comes over un announced at some odd moment. If he does not come over I will not miss on anything I have plenty on my roster to keep me occupied.
Take my advice and tell your friend he should cut down visiting you and if he ask why just tell him about the remark his wife made about him and that you do not want to be the cause of his problem.
Mirch bhai if he was a good friend he would have kept it to himself and not hurt you about what his wife said.
Re: MY first life 1 question.
he should be doing what she likes, and vice-versa and spending at friends house is not really a great habit :)
Take my advice and tell your friend he should cut down visiting you and if he ask why just tell him about the remark his wife made about him and that you do not want to be the cause of his problem. Mirch bhai if he was a good friend he would have kept it to himself and not hurt you about what his wife said.
sana is rite. if he is such a caring friend.. y would he hurt u by telling u that? unless this guy has very little sense.
I have a very good friend. We spend many evenings together. We chit chat , go for walks, go do workouts together. Socially we are at the same level. He comes to my home un announced anytime he wants. Any chance he would get to be in my company he would seize it. Many a times it gets inconvenient and annoying for me but I never showed any kind of annoyance or displeasure. I always welcome him with a smile. My wife treats him as a brother . He will ask my wife to make tea for him many a times ,while he is at my home. She is such an angel too , she never showed any kind of displeasure and never complained to me about his "chai key farmaish" or him coming over any time of the day or night. Yes, daytime too , because many a times me being an IT professional work from home. If he know I will be working from home. He will tell his boss that he will be working from home and he will come over. He is an IT professional too. So he tells me that he sees me as a big brother and a very good friend, he is a little younger than I am. His wife know me very well I have no bad habits , I treat my wife with respect, my kids love me for being a loving caring father. I treat his kids ( he has three) with respect , I treat his wife with respect. So far so good , right ? Now the issue is with his wife. She does not like him spending too much time at my home and in my company. She has many a times shown her displeasure to him indirectly, he knows it, but he does not care. Not that he is not a good father or good husband. He is a very good father and husband too. She has told my wife many a times indirectly that she does not like him spending so much time at our house with me. So the problems is with him not with me, right ? Now the other day he told me that he and his wife were cleaning up their garage, there were some things he wanted to get rid of and she did not. Out of blue he said to her : "Aap yeh apnay jaheez main toh nahi lain theen" for those who do not understand I translate:" You did not bring this stuff as your dowry." She shot back with this. "( My Name here) bhai key dosti aap kay lee-a achee nahi." "( My name here) friendship is turning you into a bad man."
He told me about this whole episode and he was pretty remorseful about what he said to her wife and what she said.
Now this was a blow to my self pride.
I agree that it is a pretty insulting remark for a wife, I will never say it to my wife. This friend's wife knows that I am the kind of a guy who told my in laws when I was getting married that I will not accept anything from their side in the name of dowry. Alhumdulillah I had a well decorated home already when I got married. Therefore they understood and they were very pleased with this gesture of mine and we had a dowry free wedding.
Now what should I do ? Let it slide ? Tell him to cut back on his visits to our home ? I do not have stomach to do that. I do enjoy his company but as I said earlier sometimes I do get uncomfortable too when he comes over un announced at some odd moment. If he does not come over I will not miss on anything I have plenty on my roster to keep me occupied.
maybe your friend's wife is just jealous because she would want him to spend that time with her instead or stay at home....??... So I don't even think she sees a problem in you...the problem is with her......I've seen many girls doing that......
But how ? I do not have stomach to tell him off and my wife does not either. His wife is the one with the problem. So she should do something about it.
My angel like wife has very innocently told his wife that we never invited him over but he and she are more than welcome to come on over anytime they want . I have talked to my wife many a times about him coming over at odd moments , she agreed but she is my wife so she also never showed any kind of attitude or negativity.
We are like " mera dar khula hay khula hee rahay ga tumharay lee-a". We two are yaroon kay yar.
You are one lucky man I tell you! I literally, go CRAZY, if my husband's bro visits us and that too, 1 hour before he would call and say, I am coming, rather than asking what we are doing, where we are, are we free etc. It just pisses me off. I love my freedom and do not take my privacy for granted. I think your friend's wife is feeling a bit insecure and he should stop visiting you so often. It is not a matter whether you are ok with him coming unannounced, everyone has a life and so do you. He should call you and ask you before he should come. Just because your wife is patient about this, doesnt mean you can take this for granted and not give her all your time and attention. I think neither one of you is wrong. His wife is right and so are you. But a guy talk would be good for you. Sit down and tell him you will appreciate if he cud give you a call before you come. Spend time outside as much as possible and tell him you are out, have guest etc when he wants to come. He will get the message sooner or later!
Re: MY first life 1 question.
I agree with Iconoclast.
"yaaron kay yaar" you say it but you're all okay with his wife being uncomfortable with his frequent visits and do nothing about it? She is his WFIE not some girl he sees on the street. You act like his 'big brother' yet you do not want to tell him with his habit which concerns his WIFE?
Enough quality time with his family? If he was spending 'quality time' with his family, situation would not be what it is now. Seems to me somewhere inside your heart you do not like his wife. And you do not care if it bothers her, her hubby spending so much of his time in your house. Reasons could be whatever but being her HUSBAND, that he is, he HAS to respect his wife's wishes. If he thinks he is not wrong in his habit, he MUST be able to satisfy his wife's concerns over this issue.
Also, I feel that maybe his wife deep down knows that you have that 'little' something in your heart against her which is what is her concern because that might be leading you conciously or inconciously to create differences between them.
I am sorry to say but your friend does not sound like a MAN if he is the kind to come and discuss the trivial issues / stories between him and his wife WITH YOU. No matter how much of a big brother you are, it seems like you are encouraging him to share whatever negative feelings he is developing for his wife.
By all means, I blame YOU because you call yourself his 'yaaron ka yaar' and a big brother and yet you dont feel a thing or do anything at how things are turning at his house inspite of knowing him coming to your house too freqently IS an issue for his wife. Whether you like it or not, you cannot deny that for his wife, it IS an issue and being the 'big brother and yaaron ka yaar' as per your claim, it is your RESPONSIBILITY to try to fix ANY problem he is facing. And since this problem involves YOU, your position becomes important in how you try to fix this issue.
I also think that your friend is a fool to spend too much time with you and give you chance to generate feelings of displeasure at his house and dissatisfaction with his wife.
Ahh, sorry to be so honest because this might sound impolite to you but I strongly feel that is the under lying issue which unfortunately your stupid friend does not see. If possible and if you're honest, let your friend read this thread, if he had little bit of sensibility, he would try to work to safe his home from breaking. Because these are small issues which lead up to unhappy families and it even effects the kids.
And yes, I would like to say that you are CRUEL for standing at a side and watching it all hapenning with your friend and his family knowing that you are not just a part of it but THE REASON of the entire issue.
No I dont think his wife is paranoid. I just think she has concerns about her husband spending unusually long hours at your house. And being his WIFE, she has a right to voice her concern if she is not comfortable with it.
Again if I missed this one before, if you are a good friend, you must tell your so called 'younger brother' not to share small issues of his home or about his WIFE to his FRIENDS and if he does that again in the future, do not listen to him. He must be a MAN big enough to handle his internal family matters himself.
Re: MY first life 1 question.
Oh mirchi bhai, Dont worry about his wife that much, beweyaan aisay hi karti hain.(for reference see indian movie ‘shatranj ke khilari’ ) Lekin achey dost kismat se hi miltey hain. Say nothing to him and dont try to avoid him at all 
Be happy and spend quality time with him and kids 
Abey ghass kha gia hay kia ? or you have a hangover today ?
Seems like it . You are blaming me for everything. 
If you were a psychologist all your patient would end up in the grave with very deep depression.
Awwwwww, thanks for being there for me
Unfortunately he is moving back to Pakistan. Now where would I find such a selfless friend who loved me for being me. I cannot move there. Even if I do then things will not be same. Why, here in USA we were on same social level but in Pakistan his parents own lots of prime real estate of Karachi and he will not have to work all his life . But for me I will have to work all my life until I win lottery.
Aww… Im so glad that god decided to step in and save him and his family.
Aww… too bad you let it slip in your stupidity. Now we all know why you were so reluctant to let him go or wouldnt advise him to minimize his trips to YOUR house just to keep peace in HIS house. Itna mota baqra khud hi zibah hona chahta hai then why should YOU let him go?
P.S 1: "Please do not mind the rudeness in my posts, only pick the hints and leave your ‘younger brother’ alone :DDo not go chasing him in Pakistan too 
"
P.S 2: “Sorry I cannot be your psychiatrist 'cause I ain’t one. But I sure have seen many cases of such stupid fat baqras being slaughtered and eaten by their ‘yaaron ke yaars’ in real life to understand your case :D”
Ambassador is right uncle mirch... U r just Trying to play naive...
Aww... blah , blah , blah blah ,
your hangover is not over yet and you need . Go take a cold shower now and a couple of aspirins with hot coffee to get over your hang over. Shabash.
bak raha hay toh nashay main kia kia kuch.