This is something i never ever thought i would do in a million years. The whole idea and concept terrified me and for me i thought it was the platform of the last resort and a place where people lie and where mostly the most unattractive options gather.
My therapist strongly suggested i do something to move on from my crush not being reciprocated and suggested that perhaps registering for a Matrimonial website could be a good step. She was like whats the harm in it, you have nothing to lose and you don't have to commit to anyone at gunpoint.
So i decided to give it a try and i went behind my parents back and fully uploaded my bio data, my pictures, my hobbies, height, weight, education, field e.t.c and went in with the attitude to see lets see what the response, feedback is. I did not lie about my age and i told the truth that i will be 34 years old this year.
For partner preferences i chose the age range from 18 to 26, for the list of countries interested i mentioned Canada, USA, UK, UAE and Pakistan. For desired language i included English, Urdu, Hindi, Punjabi, Pashto, Balochi, Sindhi. Education, Cast, Sect i left doesn't matter. For marital status i chose never married.
The results have been interesting, i have received decent responses from girls and parents/siblings of girls between 20-25, but the bulk of the responses i have received from girls in their late 20's, early 30's from Canada, USA, UK.
To my surprise there are actually some pretty cute looking girls online, atleast way more than i expected initially and even better there are a lot of girls who may not necessarily have fashion model looks but are very easy going and nice to converse with.
One of the challenges has been is that some of the girls operating their own accounts demand instant commitment i.e. we are only going to talk in detail if you are actually serious and committed towards marrying me, get your parents involved immediately and i try to reason with them that i cannot do that until i spend some time getting to know you, understand what you look like, what your personality is like, how do you speak and carry yourself.
I have made a few really good female friends from UAE, Pakistan and India where we talk freely about our lives, experiences, daily routine, worries e.t.c. and where there is no expectation from either side and both of us are fine with just being friends. Initially i used to have a very negative opinion of girls in their late 20's and early 30's being single and unmarried because my elders mostly influenced my thought process i.e. these girls are too modern, these girls are hardcore feminists man haters, these girls will keep you on a leash and are going to be completely set in their ways. But nope, after speaking to some of these women, i have actually come to respect and admire them even more, a lot of girls have had to shoulder immense responsibilities that i could only dream off and have had to face unfortunate circumstances for e.g. dad passed away due to a stroke when she was young, the family went through financial hardship and she had to compromise on her dream of pursuing medicine and had to put food on the table, earn enough to get the rest of her siblings settled. Fingers crossed whether the stories are true or not.
But the app has also exposed me to certain questions and dilemmas i never thought i would need to deal with. For e.g. there were 1-2 really cute attractive girls around 22-23 years old i was speaking with and they were demanding an instant commitment from me, but their education shockingly upon learning was b.com at best and i could tell from their pics that they came from extremely poor families. I come from a highly educated family where both my folks are doctors and all my aunts, uncles, no one is less than a PHD, Doctor, Engineer, Architect, MBA or runs their own business and i know it will just not fly with my family. So after interacting with a couple of those people, i updated my profile and insisted that a potential partner needs to have a decent level of education or needs to be looking to pursue an education.
Naturally the profiles being operated by parents and siblings, it is natural to expect them to demand commitment up front and demanding to speak to parents, but what ticks me off is that they dont even have the courage to upload 1-2 pictures of their daughters online and i tell these parents very honestly look i need to see a pic or two otherwise this conversation is over.
But yes, the app also reinforced some of my fears as well. It indeed by and large is a platform for people who don't have a lot of options. In the West it is understandable why Pak and Indian families use it because of such a limited community. As i feared a lot of girls list their age as 23-24, list extremely old pics and upon looking at their actual pic you easily get the impression that they are lieing about their age and are actually in their 30's. Some women listing their age as 29-30, when you look at their pics you can tell they are approaching 40. One very attractive girl from Peshawar i was speaking to had listed her age as 25-26 and after speaking to her for a bit, she had a guilty attack and was like listen i dont want to waste your time anymore, i have lied about my age, i am actually 33 years old. I didn't admonish her or anything, just politely in a joking manner queried why would she do that, why not tell the truth and she was like you don't understand how hard it is for women and if they list their age as 32-33, they are going to get hit on by 45-50 years old individuals and she wants someone in their 20's to early 30's and guys like me demand girls around 23-26 which creates problems for her.
Some girls and parents criticized me for why am i using this App if i wasn't interested in marrying asap. I explained to them it is not that i don't want to marry, i do but i need to be sure and it is not like i am desperate or anything. They then criticized me for using the App and platform unethically and that my approach of going through profiles and girls one by one was sexually predatorial. Its funny no one criticizes a really attractive girl with plenty of options for having the right to decide when to speak to a guy, when to start ignoring him.
Anyways by and large i am still circumspect. I insist on a phonecall conversation with the girl as well because i have done that to a few girls and to my shock, their voices clearly indicated they belonged to extremely uneducated, impoverished backgrounds and that they were not who they appeared to be when being chatted with.
For me this is just a platform to see what else is out there and to help me move on from my unrequited crush. But i have to admit there has been a huge improvement in my self esteem and ego, i haven't lied about my age of 34 but the vast majority of girls, parents commented in disbelief that you don't look 34 at all and that we felt you were 25-26 at least which is inline with what the ***** and gori's feel about me here in Canada.
Looking forward to being mocked, criticized, riddiculed and being made fun off
and read between the lines who knows you may get Lucky …
…