Re: My essay on Lack of Decent Proposals.
Lack of decent proposals is certainly a major problem in young Muslims’ lives who are living abroad and even in their original communities and countries, Behind this particular problem, there are many factors, which have to be looked into at a deeper level.
Finding a decent proposal is not easy. Traditionally, Muslim cultures value arranged marriages by the parents or elder siblings. When the pool of prospective is small, and too many expectations are present, it is even more harder to locate a decent proposal.
Alhamdulillah I wouldn't even say that there is a lack of decent proposals, but that any proposal recieved has to be investigated to determine if it is a good one or not. Decent proposals are there. Whether they come to a given person can be influenced by several factors, including one's network,
their association, behaviour etc.
For any proposal recieved, making istikharaa should be done before accepting it or rejecting it.
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For one thing, both parties, the man and the woman need to converse with each other and get to know each other, before their parents or they themselves can begin to think on the lines of marriage of the two.
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It's only when they are already considering a marriage between the two that this should take place. One or two meetings to get know about one another should be more than enough.
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In the contemporary times, later marriages for both women and men are not necessarily a bad thing. The only negative aspect might be that with being older individuals, people have to deal with spouses who have become set in their particular routines, so for them to adjust to a ”double” situation might cause inconvenience Or can become an issue of seniority and control. Being of about the same age, and “growing together” in a marriage, I think, is more healthy than having a huge age difference in between the spouses.
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Age difference isn't much of an issue. In our marriage we have a greater age gap than 5 years and Alhamdulillah it's all good. In fact, looking back I would say that my wife could have got married a couple of years earlier and it would have been fine. I've seen successful marriages both ways, where there was a significant age different between the two (5< years) or a not so significant one (<2 years). I agree with the growing together part, and marriage at a younger age would be good for this.
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Here is my main argument for the issue: a lack of decent proposals has to do with both women and men. And in order to have a win-win situation for both parties, both have to accurately and honestly outline who they want to look for to marry to.
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Right, that is one thing anyone should know before they're getting into a marriage. They should also let the other party know what they expect and know what would be expected from them from a marriage with the prospective spouse. Again, for making a decision about their compatibility, istikhaara is an invaluable tool.