Re: My elder brother in law got engaged. am i feeling too much? How should i be?
I think Nonies approach is by far the most practical for you at this point. They’ve been at the receiving end of preference of one bahu over the other.
Truth of the matter is pershani has already kicked in and you either need to:
- accept that the behaviour of your future in-laws towards you is NOT likely to change
- do something about it NOW so it doesn’t cause problems later
- cut ties NOW and move on.
Whatever you do I hope you understand that human nature is what it is. Your future MIL is likely to be favouring the other future DIL as she’s from family and she’s attempting to make up for lost time and she wants to impress EVERYONE on that side of the family. Your future FIL maybe putting in extra effort because he is happy that his wife has re-established links with her Fathers family. Or it maybe M reminds her of herself etc etc-it maybe nothing to do with being family.
Of course this shouldn’t mean different treatment between future DILs as both these guys are their sons however let’s be open and honest OP you’ve been engaged for longer than most would like and there’s no sign of the actual wedding. You didn’t get given a ring, and no fuss was made over your ‘ristaa’. Doesn’t seem to point in the direction of a Fairytale wedding, marriage or life now does it. I’m not saying we all strive for that, however being treated nicely helps with the adjustment process into a new family setting.
Good Luck. If you do go ahead with his marriage I expect to see you a few weeks after the marriage takes place back here because your new MIL is favouring the other DIL over you and you get no respect etc etc and your husband has explained his Mama is making up for lost time etc etc with her family.