Re: My elder brother in law got engaged. am i feeling too much? How should i be?
Well, I’m pretty sure that your in-laws aren’t mind readers. So I have no idea how you think you can “get things” if you and your parents aren’t willing to tell your in-laws what your side wants.
If your parents aren’t willing to bring up these issues to your future in-laws (ie. having a separate wedding for you AFTER)…then it’s best for you to let it go. As you already know…you’re at an disadvantage b/c the other bahu entering the family with you is already closer to your in-laws AND her family is very involved with them too. If your parents aren’t willing to take control of their daughter’s wedding…then you need to let your in-laws decide the major things. You saying something directly to them may impact their feelings towards you negatively in the future.
Of course, if having a double wedding bothers you that much…then you could also talk to your fiance about it. See if he’s willing to talk to his parents and tell them that HE (ie. leaving you out of the conversation totally) wants to delay the wedding a bit…maybe use the fact that he’s a recent grad and he wants to find a job before nikah as an excuse.