There is ajeeb sa problem between me and him.
He is “kum go” and some time i think he is duff and dum. better to start from scratch.
He is doctor he knows i love him too much.Now he moved to ireland and we dont have much interaction.Dont know whybut i feel that he doesnt care about me.
When ever he come back to paksitan as now a days he is, he meet me with same love and emotions.
But when ever i need him in life i never found him there some time i think perhaps he dont know but why he dont know when i am known to his each and every thing. i care about him; is he in pain ? or he need me. because i am younger and according to family rulez i dont need to worry about elders.Even then i know when ever he need me.
But you can think about myself that i need to wait november every year that he would come back and then i ll discuiss him. As a matter of MSN , chat voice or phone here i dont know why we never had a conversation.If i want to talk to him something urgent i talk to our sister norway she talk to him and then tell me back.he talks to baji there in norway and here in pak and also elder brother but why he dont call me .? There isnt any reason, when he meet me his behave is normal and he has told many time his friends and somtime my friends that he how much i am important for him.
The worst possible reason I can think of is that he doesn't care.
But thats not likely. I'll tell you why..
put yourself in his place man! He's a doctor (last 5 years of med school to aisay bee busy ho giya) and now he's in a new country and doctors routines are VERY hard in Ireland. They have to work endless hours with little rest and that possibly the only reason why he doesnt call. Or maybe he's still in the process of settling down and is budgeting on phone calls made back home...and perhaps he has to prioritise, like he'd rather speak to your mother and father in the short time he gets.
anyway I think you're worrying a bit too much. I am sure he likes you. so cheer up! some older people dont show it very well. Perhaps he does show his affection in other ways... like maybe he'll start sending you pocket money when he's earning enough :) waghera waghera let him deal with his own issues for now. anyhow remember that blood runs thicker (if you were pathan you'd understand its meaning better) and chances of him dislking you are possible but not probable
btw whats kum go? and what exactly do you mean duff and dum? (deaf and dumb??_
baita you have a typical younger bro thing going. Your elder bro is important to you and all, and you dont know whether youa re important to him.
As you said yourself he has said that you are important to him. Now his way of showing it may be very different than yours and that you can do little to change.
Being in constant touch and saying at any time how much your brother means to you does not do anything.
I have 2 younger brothers, and sometimes we talk every other day, sometimes not for weeks but we know how much we mean to each other and that is all thats needed. There are diff ways of showing it too. my youngest brother always calls me to get advise as bossy as I can be, he shows that whether or not he will follow my advise he values my perspective enough that he will want to include that in his decision making. My younger bro always does little things that are very thoughtful and funny. For my birthday 2 years ago he got me a "magneto" helmet :) (magneto is a character in x-men and one of my fav villains. My bro knows this cuz we used to read the same comics as kids)
I focused on how I can be better as a big brother as we all grew up and become unique individuals.
Are there brothers in this world who dislike or hate each other, or dont care for each other. sure I have seen some examples of that too. But in most cases brothers share a bond that is stronger than most know.
You may want to tell your bro that you would like to be in contact with him more frequently and you may want to discuss common interests etc etc.
My bros and I we have many common interests just as we have mnany unique interests. Its always fun to talk about common interests and childhood stuff.
Yar problem is not cherring up ,, because of this habbit i have stucked in life, he is key personality in family and i am from child hood used to convince him for any thing and then whole family says what he says., but now when we are passing life without each other i am stucked with my issues.
Fraudz
Ok if i sum up the thing then i must talk to him and tell him that i am in more sensitive part of life as , job , settelement ,studies marriage and many issues there we need to discuiss so i ned him more ofently and i should clarify things.But first problems is because i am "ziddy" i thought once why should i ask him if he dont care and have time and if he can not think himself that i need him.(you can say its fazzol baat)
But i would say its actully one style of love.Ok now if i have realized that i have to talk to him and ask.But we really dont have common intrest perhaps.He is crazy about his profesion and i am crazy more then for networks.In 5 years he asked me only question "which windows is better for his lap top".
Pir sahib i would like to discuiss the issue while condering the thing that we both belong to totally eastern enviorment.There are some issues we are not well prepared to discuiss.I mean he only insist me to move back to Lahore.whereas i want talk to him with more wide aspects.
He is only one comes under relative's colum for me.I dont have parents so he knows he has to decide that things.But his cold behave never let me discuiss things. One major problem is marriage i am afraid of.I dont know what he is planing and what one day if he says me he has decided about my marriage and what if he dont say me next 5 years.I want to clarify the life plans and at least i should know what he is thinking about me and i want to tell what problems i am facing now a days he can solve.
But i go to home watch tv with him , drive with him to city spent days talk other common issues.Ask each other general things and then back.
Is there any way i can ask him with some clear words.and whynot he knows them when he knows that he should know them ?
I think he misses you too much to talk to you more often. Trust me..being far away from people you care the most.. is not easy and whenever you talk to them on phone....the sadness just increases because you are not there with them.
sometimes when we try to think..all the clues seem to fit in the puzzle..sometime its not that..what i mean to say that sometimes people love us too..but they don't express and sometimes its easy to quantify emotions.. i know that i remember so many of my relatives all the time..and i love them so much..i keep on talking about them all the time..but i am not in contact with them..coz letter don't reach them..emails, they don't have..and i am not a phone person at all when it comes to long distance..but after years when i meet them it doesn't even feel that were apart..coz i think they all are in the same boat as myself..
Have you ever tried asking the opinion of your baji on this issue?
When I was a kid, my older brother used to ignore me because he would always be studying in his room and he didnt have much time for play. When I was in college, I was really busy and didnt have much time to spend with my bhai. Then my brother got married, and all of a sudden he was calling home to speak to Ammi, but not me. I felt left out of conversations. I felt less important to him, because although we didnt talk often when I was younger, when we did, it was wonderful. And with marriage it seemed all focus was on his wife. However, what I found out is that he always mentions/mentioned me to Ammi. About how he worries about me and all that other good stuff. Ammi tells me, but he never tells me this.
As Fraudia and some others stated, different people express caring in different ways.
What I do now is, when I want to talk to him, I take him for a drive or call him up myself and tell him I need advice on something, and that its important. He always listens, but he wouldnt know I needed it unless I asked. Just ask. Like everyone here has stated, ts obvious your bhai loves you, and just because hes not always in touch, doesnt mean the love has gone.
In normal relations i havnt any complexity.Here we have simple rule overuling the other simple rule.
If someone is at giving end (as i am younger and he is supposed to be at giving end) and dont call back i normally dont insist much because of my good/bad nature.When he moved to england i two or three time talk to him on phone and msn after that i feel he is reluctant to talk to me.And this in reaction build inside me a huge space with lots of confusion …kher
Sameen baji cant make it possible she has entirly diffrent nature.She ll just say me " bongian shuroo " ja chup ker ke bey ja "
Problem was not that he loves me or not i know he does and sometime my powerful imagination just make me thinking to other directions.Problem was acxtully more practical then emotional.Most of family is doctor while i am totally elergic to things.I am only one in entire family who do not involve in family bussiness and doing a job which is not of medicine.So he dont know what actully i am doing .When they need to decide about my future or marriage or other eastern family possesive issues they are blank.They only guess me at end by asking about my salary.My fears and his communication gap was letting me away and away from the track.But thanks to God one of my friend was in meeting with him and in night he surprised me that ur bro was saying the same thing that he want to communicate with me but dont know why he cant do that.
So fianlly aub yeh kar-kheer bhi muje anjaam dena parey ga apni anna ko maar ke.Hopes ke aub yeh problem itni shahded nahi rahey gi.
So fianlly aub yeh kar-kheer bhi muje anjaam dena parey ga apni anna ko maar ke.Hopes ke aub yeh problem itni shahded nahi rahey gi.