My Broken Husband

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi,

this a complex story. i am married with two kids and love the man to whom i am married to. However, love has not been same on his side and blame also goes to me because i have some personality issues and could never win his heart. Our married life is more like a formality which we both are fulfilling and i know fault has more been on my side to destroy our life.

Anyways, life was still going on. He is a good person, takes good care of me, make sure that i dont lag behind on any thing but love has never been there and we both knew this. When we didnt have kids, he even gave me the option i could leave him if i wanted but he would never initiate a divorce.

He on the other hand is a handsome selfmade man who has the habit of achieving every thing he wanted and is not known to failures. Never had an affair all his youth, always stayed away from girls and i was definitely the first woman who entered in his life through our arrange marriage, though he never loved me.

It all got troubled when he started talking and texting to a divorced family friend living in a different country. It was not a love affair but they were very good friends and i knew they were in contact and a good company to each other. Or perhaps an affair was developing.

Anyways this girl disappeared all of sudden and reason i have found so far that she was actually eying on my husband for a second marriage and when she didnt see a success, she just disappeared and started to date another married man who was her boyfriend years back and even proposed her at some stage but girl’s family had refused.

So this was the story, the worry now is that after the disappearance of this girl. My husband is totally broken. doesnt take interest in work or family and has started to live in isolation.

I dont know if i could describe this story well but my husband is not the same man he used to be before and is totally broken from inside. He is a good hearted person and i hate to see him like that and dont know how to bring him back to life.

May be i dont want him back to myself because i know i am not worthy of him but at least i want him to be the same person that he used to be before prior to getting his life spoiled by this girl.

If he wants a second marriage, may be i will accept that but i dont think he wants that either and his situation is killing me from inside.

Any suggestions what should i do to normalize his life?

2

Re: My Broken Husband

The story is indeed, very complex!! :chai:

3

Re: My Broken Husband

It wud take some time no matter what u do to bring him back. He won't become normal overnight.
U say u have kids. Why don't u get him to interact/engage more with kids. I dk how old they are but little kids do occupy and involve u pretty easily. Eg if they are park going age he can take them to park, swimming etc
Mayb even 2 of u can do sth to bond. Even if love isn't there from his side you two can still try to have a friendship. A type of companionship that u 2 can enjoy.
Look at activities that would bond u two. Eg walks biking swimming BBQ etc

4

Re: My Broken Husband

It's more complex that it actually looks. He is a loner, and a workholic at the same time.
Kids are 5 and 2, and are a good distraction for him when he is home but problem is more serious whenever he is travelling on his business trips.
He has to stay away from home for days and routines since this incident has been that he comes back to hotel in evenings, lights off and just stays in bed, God knows thinking what?

5

Re: My Broken Husband

wow - it seems like a story out of the dramas.

[QUOTE]
It was not a love affair but they were very good friends and i knew they were in contact and a good company to each other. Or perhaps an affair was developing.
[/QUOTE]

If he's this distraught over her not being in his life than the love was already there. If you are ready to admit that or not.

6

Re: My Broken Husband

difficult situation but not completely out of control.....
it's very kind hearted of you to want to help him and big of you to admit that you may have some faults that prevented the two of you from solidifying your own relationship.
how are you as friends? do you talk? do you share feelings?

7

Re: My Broken Husband

How long has it been since the girl dissappeared?

8

Re: My Broken Husband

may be love was already there but the girl is gone i want to see my husband as a normal man. The biggest issue is that he has never been so weak in his life as he has been in recent months.

we are friends, perhaps not like husband and wife but like two cousins living under the same room. he is a typical taurus and i know i can never take my place back but dont want him to be cut off from rest of the world and family that he always cared a lot.

It's been three or four months already. Since then, his FB acount is deactivated, he doesnt have a Whatsapp or Viber on his cell any more and not sure if he tried to text this girl or not in all this period.

9

Re: My Broken Husband

when he was in touch with this girl.....did you ever consider talking to him about it?
did you think that he might leave you to be with her?
did you encourage it?
did he know that you know?

10

Re: My Broken Husband

I don't understand. Maybe its your so-so I'm not worthy of this great man attitude . Stop falling at his feet and blaming itself for everything and slap him out of it. Most wives would go crazy that their husbands are dying over another girl! Yes OK u don't love him he doesn't love u. But for kids sake u have a stable solid marriage you need to defend your position as his wife and fight for him. He shouldn't be like this. Maybe you both need yo change. You need to realise your worth first.

11

Re: My Broken Husband

Idol you should work on your personality issues first of all, only then you will be able to love yourself and him. And then both your relationship and he will heal inshaAllah. I've sent you a pm please check

12

Re: My Broken Husband

Your story reminds me of this song :slight_smile:
Out Of Reach - Gabrielle - YouTube

13

Re: My Broken Husband

Idol, you just admitted you love him. Maybe it's time to win his love back?? You should start putting more effort into this marriage. May be some of the married guppans can help you with that.

14

Re: My Broken Husband

^ i read this and totally thought this could be the next pakistani drama!

15

Re: My Broken Husband

but in all seriousness, how did you find out about the other girl and does he know that you know?

could you bring it up with him?

do you think now is a good time where you can revamp your own love life and marriage? maybe you can make a few changes and better yourself for the sake of your marriage...maybe your husband will gain interest in you and perhaps fall in love?

16

Re: My Broken Husband

You know what the way you have written this, it seems to me, that you do love this man but not in a way that u understand love to be. To me I think u do love him. Now is the time to give him the space he needs and trust me, ppl dont stay in this state forever, at some point he will snap out of it and he will realise that even though u knew about everything, u never yelled at him or did anything other typical women wud do, u gave him space and still cared enough for him to put roti on the table for him for whenever he came home and not turn your kids against him as some women would do. Just do sincere repentence in your Dua's and insha Allah he will care for you as much you do for him. But don't expect it to happen over night, it will take time. Just do Dua for him and for you thats it. All the best xxx

17

Re: My Broken Husband

Communication always helps...Sortout ur personality issues and If ur hubby was talking to this other woman why dint u stop him on the first place afterall ur his wife..dint u feel awkward or weird? i mean werent u even insecure. who knows may be ur hubby fell for her?and now cant take teh rejection..the girl has moved on but he hasnt..may be thats the cause of isolation! you should talk to him over n over again ..make him feel ur presence..good him a good family time! i dun think its that hard! we ruin things everyime but its in our hands to fix things! its never too late :)

18

Re: My Broken Husband

if not troll, exactly how much happiness do you expect out of a dysfunctional family where the adults have the option of courting others, etc.?

19

Re: My Broken Husband

^ exactly..... how were you ok with your husband talking to another girl knowing the fact he didn't love you?

20

Re: My Broken Husband

if u dont mind can uplz tell why u r accusing urself in this ..what issues u had that u never had a good relationship.... its never too late now is the time he is like a soft **** that u can mold into ur lovevgive him more attention and love i m in sha allah sure some positive thing will happen ... talk about his intrests... show exta love and care ...inshallah u will see the differenceand say ya wadoodo and blow in hiswater sugar food ...may allah help u ameen