my bestie fiance isn't exactly ...

Lifestyle Relationships
21

no....

she lost a GOOD n sincere friend...u dont need to worry...if u put ur self in her situation and someone trying to help u..and u could see that who is going to loose a good friend..

Is Imran Khan sick ??
22

Re: my bestie fiance isn't exactly ...

I think you should leave them alone. Your friend needs to learn the truth herself. I am sure you wouldn't want to be held responsible for breaking off their engagement, right?

23

U havent lost anything trust me, its her that has lost a gud friend that had her best interests at heart. U knew the true meaning of friendship and u undertook ure duties as a friends, and trust me thats hard to come by nowadays, where alot of ppl act like they are ure best friend but when u really need them they aren't there for you, and alot of ppl would have turned a blind eye to all of this, beos it would b easier.

I've realized that sharifoon ka tho koi zamana he nahin raha, I just prefer to pray for the person now than give them advice, becos they either never believe me or they think of me as the villian :(:(

But either way u did the right thing, ure a gud friend :) and she'll eventually realize this

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Re: my bestie fiance isn't exactly ...

Shadowless, I know it's too late now but it's usually best not to confront ur friends about their other half's dodgy behaviour unless u have something concrete (like photo) to back it up, it seems the 'you're jealous' or 'u prob fancy him' stuff often tends to get thrown back at people :(

Bait Bazi- 2013
25

Shadowless,

Your best friend is fortunate to have such a caring friend in you. And it seems you're really concerned about her, so just talk to her. It doesn't matter if she's the "uncomprehending" type. The fact is that this impending marriage involves her whole life and if you are getting a fishy vibe from her fiance, then let her know about it. But understand that in the end, it's her decision whether she chooses to marry him or end the rishta all together. But she needs to be warned before hand so that she can think over her situation and make an informed decision.

Your friend probably feels as though she is "in love" with him. And this "in love" feeling as well as the guy's WEALTH is blinding her from seeing the truth. So, try to show her the truth. Before having a discussion with your friend, **tell her **that you care about her and want her to be happy and that you think she deserves a guy who respects her. By starting off the discussion in this manner......she can't (and hopefully won't) accuse you of being "jealous and trying to jeopardize her rishta." And the proceed to discuss her fiance's behavior in the library and during the dance. And also point out to her how you've noticed that he tends to ignore her and makes excuses for not seeing her. If your friend brings up the "lap top and other gifts" he has given as a way to show that he loves her.............then tell your friend that material goods can't take the place of her fiance's actual company. And remind her that her expensive gifts will not dry her tears in the event that she marries who could possibly be cheating on her and may not be interested in her.

You need to alert your friend to what you have observed about this guy. And let her decided what she should do her life. As long as you inform her, you've don't your part as a good friend.

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Re: my bestie fiance isn't exactly ...

You should have stayed out of it. Listen, sooner or later this girl will come back and apologize to you for her behavior. If your heart was in the right place, it will happen. Trust me on it. The guy isnt about to change so she will catch on to his unnecessary attachment with this other girl in no time.

Dont worry girl...

The Last Film You Saw
27

Shadow, I just went back and read your most recent post where you said that your tried talking to your friend and that she accused you of being jealous.

Your mom told you that you shouldn't have gotten involved. Have you told your mom what you have observed about this guy's behavior? Does your mom know your best friend's mom?

Here are some suggestions that I have, but I don't no know if they will work because they could be a bit risky:

1) Your said that your mom told you that you shouldn't have interfered. Does your mom know the whole story about what you've observed in regards to your friend's fiance? Does your mom know your friend's mom? Does your mom have good rapport with your friend's mom? If so............try........asking your mom if she could talk to your friend's mom. Perhaps your mom, being an adult, will be able to get through to your friend's mom. Your mom *could tell her mom that *"Your daughter is like my daughter and I want her to have a happy marriage. Lately my daughter is concerned because she has seen some questionable behavior regarding your son-in-law to be. I'm not saying that my daughter is 100% correct because sometimes we think we know the entire details of a situation but we end up being wrong. But I just thought that you should be made aware of the situation and it could be something that you might want to investigate. Regardless of whatever you and your family decides....we wish you and your daughter all the happiness in the world"

^ IF your mom and her mom are good friends and have good rapport........this might work. On the other hand, if they're not that close, then this might be trickier. Think about it.

2) Call your friend and try to "patch-up" with her. And then when your friend has cooled down........try to lead her to her fiance's behavior. In other words, if you know that the fiance and indian girl are going to be at a party. BRING YOUR FRIEND TO THAT PARTY. BUT DON'T TELL HER THAT HE'S GOING TO BE THERE. Let her see for herself. So, basically any time that him and the indian girl will be in a location for a long period of time.........bring your friend to that even without telling him that he's there and let her see his behavior.

3) Is there anybody who could perhaps talk to the guy? I wouldn't suggest you to do it because the guy could possibly turn this all against you and get you in more trouble. But I'm thinking is there perhaps a friend of yours (A REALLY TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND)......who has seen this guy's behavior..........and who could possibly talk to him about what he's doing. It would have to be a trustworthy person who won't rat or squeal on you. Someone (could be a guy or a girl) who can talk to the fiance and tell him that his behavior is rather questionable since he's engaged and that if he's not interested in your friend, he should consider ending the rishta.

*****Perhaps my ideas are silly. I was just thinking of other ways to help. Ultimately as other posters have said.............it's your friend's life and she's an adult and can make her own decisions. She's acting like a jerk by not trusting you (whom she's known for ages) over a guy she's only known for 2 months. The positive thing in this situation is that even though your friend has accused you of being jealous, at least now she might be more alert regarding his behavior. Maybe it's in her kismat to learn the hard way. InshaAllah everything will fall into place. You did your part though. :)

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Re: my bestie fiance isn't exactly ...

i know youve already spoken to her but maybe you couldve just said 'keep on eye on that other girl i think shes interested in your fiance'
that way ure just making her aware of something that might happen in the future, and the smallest thing will get her thinking as to maybe something is up

even now you can talk to her, dont say sorry.. just say that its your life i wont mention anything about the other girl again and i like for us to stay friends and at the end just caution her to be aware of the other girls interactions herself because you dont want for anything to happen that would hurt her

and then do what red velvet suggested take her to where the guy probably is and let her see dont say anything just act surprised that hes there

Full Time Masti - May 2013
Full Time Masti - May 2013
Full Time Masti - May 2013
29

Re: my bestie fiance isn’t exactly …

My question is you , your bestie and that guy all go to same uni. How she does not stumble on those things and notice anything , but she did not ? :hmmm:

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some of the things she did notice but she’s blinded by the money. if you read the post carefully you would’ve picked up on that.

second…i don’t care anymore. i’m going to stay out of this. because i don’t want to be labeled as a “Home wrecker” its there problem let them deal with it. i did what i could & now im the bad guy. so whatever.

Election 2013
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thank you so much redvelvet. your posts are very informative. i like that. yeah my mom knows her mom & they're friends but my mom says we shouldn't get involved with this matter. my mom says i did what i could & now stay out of this. just like you said now my so called friend is "alerted" so let her deal with it.

32

Im sorry to hear that she didnt react as a friend is supposed to. I honestly still think you did the right thing. At the end of the day you know you did the right thing and for that your conscience should be clear! I dont agree with your mum saying that you should have kept out of it because if it was your sister in that situation im sure there would be no way you would go without telling her EXACTLY what you thought of her guy and a best friend is exactly like a sister.

Your friend does need to learn the hard way. What you have told her will definatly prick some sort of inkling inside her, I always say you can lie to the whole world but you can never lie to yourself. Deep down inside you always know right from wrong its the realisation of acting upon your thoughts which take time. Atleast you have made her aware of the situation even if she is still in denile about it she will pick up on little hints and signs as they come!

I understand that this is hard but you need to be there for your friend when it goes wrong because inevitably if hes playing her around it most likely will.

What you have said is enough, give time for the air to cool between you both. Approach her calmly and say look your my sister, and i was merely telling you what i thought, i would never be jelous of you i only want to make sure you know what you want and if he is what you want then i am happy for you and willing to accept your decision without saying anything further on the matter. If she values your friendship in ANY way she will let it go. If not then you now know what kind of friend she really is by putting a guy before her best friend.

Its probably best to not get your mother to approach her mother because if their is conflict between you two it will only grow should your mothers have an arguement.

Try and approach her with care if she doesnt listen just tell her when ever you feel like you need a friend you know ill only be a phonecall away, be it 10 years later i just hope that you appreciate our friendship enough to know ill be there for you if ever you need a friend, i pray that your life is filled with happiness and walk away.

This way she will know that youve left the door open for her should she ever regret her decision and feel stuck. Theres nothing worse then feeling alone and realising a mistake you may of made. She is immature and materialistic sorry i know shes your friend but personally a person who has more value for material objects then relationships is a lost cause to me.

After you try once to cool the situation down DONT do anything else. Theres only so much running you can do for someone. Especially a person who refuses to acknowledge advice of those who are meant to be close.

Its just my advice on handling the matter. Good Luck should you wish to follow it.