I truly believe my best friend’s boyfriend is turning her into a moron. She was a strong, independent, smart young lady before she met him. Now she sounds like an ignorant hick. She spouts off about things she knows nothing about, and I wince just listening to the crap that comes out of her. Without someone around her to challenge her intellect, it’s like her brain is wasting away.
Since when did she become all about trash telly? Eating like a slob? Not giving a **** about things that matter? Yeah, I do blame him. He’s dragging her down to his level and if it continues, I’m not even going to be able to be in the same room as them without wanting to stab myself in the eye with something sharp and rusty. He is a pathetic looser of a guy and he revels in the fact that he got her attention and I do not. I wonder what she sees in him!
Maybe I sound like a snob, but jeez she sounds like a hypocrite in every sense of the word, and she seems to be forgetting that I knew her long before he came along, I knew how she was back then and she has definitely not changed for the better.
What should I do? I am getting sick and tired of this but I do love her a lot and her friendship means a lot to me but it is just that I feel he is coming in between us.
Ms. Pyari I had tried doing that at various ocassions and a numerous times. She promises me she will stop spending a lot of time with him and pay attention to other fine details of her life but yet again she is back at right where we started off from and then she ends up in some problem which I solve for her or remove her from. I absolutely abhor this man's presence in her life or you could say, in our life.
Lady Melancholy, are you sure you are not just jealous of her BF? I mean before he came in her life, you were so near to her and now she listen to HIM more than YOU.
Mr. Decent: I have no reason to be jealous, I do not mind him being there but it truly is a bad influence for my best friend.
Ms. Gaia: Her GPA was 3.5 and now it has fallen to 2.8! She failed one of her tests and even showed me. I knew it was because of him because she has been spending a bit too much time chatting with her boy friend on MSN till the wee hours of the night instead of studying. She was a Dean's List student and look at her now! She does not even bother dressing up properly when she is going out with me to hang out somewhere. She only dresses up for him and all her style and everything has changed. She has started to wear more revealing clothes and be a lot bolder than she was before he came along.
Mr. Decent: I have no reason to be jealous, I do not mind him being there but it truly is a bad influence for my best friend.
Ms. Gaia: Her GPA was 3.5 and now it has fallen to 2.8! She failed one of her tests and even showed me. I knew it was because of him because she has been spending a bit too much time chatting with her boy friend on MSN till the wee hours of the night instead of studying. She was a Dean's List student and look at her now! She does not even bother dressing up properly when she is going out with me to hang out somewhere. She only dresses up for him and all her style and everything has changed. She has started to wear more revealing clothes and be a lot bolder than she was before he came along.
You looks like exactly the case I suspected. You post has "I want my friend back" written all over it :)
If those things you mentioned are true then you need to rescue her from getting wasted for her sake only. If she is an adult then not much you can do besides telling her and discussing her in polite way. Take her to lunch or something and casually discuss the matter.
Be firm but nice and polite. Try not to make it sound like you are her mommy. That won't help but destroy the relation and your any chance in future.
I do not know why you emphasized about her BF in the title though. She is to be held responsible of her actions not him. :-)
she obviously has some insecurities about herself, whatever that it is you could help her identify them and then she will be able to be honest with herself as to why she is lowering herself to the standards of what you refer to as a loser.
At this point she is so ensnared in the relationship that she will not listen to reason. And the danger is that if you reason with her too much she might lighten up on meeting you or talking to you as much. How long has her relationship been so far?
If you press her too much she will most likely back off from you a bit than from him cos it seems that she is quite under his spell. Your best bet would be to be around for her in the way she wants you to and thereby retain her trust and confidence. Eventually, as with all relationships, there will be problems of some sort or the other. If she trusts you at that point not to judge her and the relationship she will discuss them with you. You need to build on her thought process at that time and help her reach the conclusion you have at her own speed ie that she is too good for him and he is no good for her.
But the thing is that SHE needs to reach that conclusion herself and no amount of you telling her so would make a difference. She needs to be led there by time and eventually se will get there if what you say is true abt them. Cos if hes so bad for her then it will happen.
Things might just get worse before they get better but the worst thing would be for her to distance herself from you at this point cos she feels that you judge her or disapprove of her and him while she herself fancies herself interested to quite an extent in him.
Im sure she has her reasons, but I do believe that friends see disaster way before the involved parties do. Hope this helps.