My auntie has a problem..

Lifestyle Relationships
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my aunty is around 33, shes fairly young, married to the youngest of my dads brothers. she is slow, at everything, be it eating, or working, her mannerism is slow too, and she has been described as a bit dim. she doesnt pay much attention to herself, her appearance, or her house.

ok now shes always been this way, since she married 14 years ago, shes from pakistan, but now she seems to be getting depressed over it. her husbands also slow. they need to be told how to live, they live with their parents, my grandparents, and although they look after them, its things like my gran cant hear, she needs hearing aids, however no one makes the effort. they dont listen to my dad, or other sons. they only listen to the son they are living with, hence why they chose to live with him and not my dad or another child.

now, since other people have got maried, even me,she sees that other people/women are described as clever and fast…( chalak/taIZ) and she has got more and more depressed, esp when people younger than her keep telling her what to do.

she was asking how she can also now be clever and fast…

how would you advise someone like this,

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

I don't think that she is slow as in mentally. I could be wrong you would know more then I do. However, I think some people that have been depending on others such as parents their whole life forget the ability of independence and it comes out as being slow. I have a cousin like that. She was the eldest of all and all uncle and aunts loved her and were there for her all throughout which made it worse for her because everyone always told her what to do, how to eat, sleep talk. For little things she would call 10 people to ask about the advice.

So, You can probably tell her to try gaining some independence. Do things for herself such as appearance or hobby.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

give her easily accomplished, short-term goals to build up her confidence in herself.
she seems to be suffering from low self-esteem.
teach her one new thing every weekend and follow up/reward/praise her for the results of her efforts.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

May be she can start by going back to school?

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

This is one trait which someone learns from life. A person can not become clever overnight it is something that takes some time and talent to develop. While there are some who are naturally clever most of us are not. Looks like your Uncle and auntie did not have to go through rough patches of life or did not hang around with chalak and taiz people.
The first step to becoming clever is to relax and be yourself. Try to become comfortable with yourself. The next step is to watch some of your clever friends in action. Listen to what they say and when they say it. Also watch people who you think are clever on TV. Stand up comedians are a great source of clever people. Watch those shows on tv by these comedians. These are all very clever people who have mastered this skill.
This last step is perhaps the most important. Get out there and Practice. Talk to everyone you come across and get in the art of making conversation with people. When you become comfortable with the conversation part and being yourself you will notice clever things coming to mind. Do not be afraid to throw it out there. Just let it flow and in very little time you will be naturally clever minded .

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

Reha ^ i hop u rnt joking ... think if som1 says the same thing to u how will u goona feel ...?

nadz jst help her in a way tht she didnt feel weak from any angel . Take her to some saloon n groom her n the last thing is prefer to take her if possible whenever u go out so tht she shd b comfortable with ths environment n boost her too tht she is too 2nd to none ... thts all

Share the result after applying all these tactics .

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

Kia dude ek id sy sara khandan advantage ly raha hy

I say make her member of GS too, lets double the fun :D

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

^^^:D Sab kay issues ka free mai solution chaiya naa

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

Whats wrong with going back to school?
You DO know that college/university is called school too, right?

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

Well I would say that the easiest way to get more "clever" and "fast" is to get a spouse who also pushes you in that direction, but that's out of the question here.

So the next thing I could suggest is to be in company of such types of people. Watch and learn from them. The next thing is that she should try to do stuff by herself instead of letting others do it for her. Well, I don't know how much that last part applies. It seems to me that the biggest thing she's lacking is confidence.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

Aunty ka naam laga ker apny issue pooch rahi ho :D

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

so it runs in the family :hmmm:

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

@ monk - LOL!

honestly though, it's one thing to actually physically take care of someone vs. giving advice/telling them to get hearing aids. everyone thinks they can take care of XYZ better than the current caretakers, but actually doing it is something else. so they should really be proud of that. Also, if she really is slow, it could be a health issue, such as thyroid. exercise can help increase her energy level. if all else is fine, she needs a new drive in her life, she doesn't need to be clever, she just needs a reason to change, whether it's starting a new job, going back to school like mentioned, volunteering somewhere, or just family support and encouragement. do they have kids?

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

she does have a thyroud issue, so she could be slow for that reason, but shes been this way from day one, her thyroid only came around recently.

its just generally, her thinking too, like she has this cooker, which takes 2 hours to boil water ( its messed) she wont buy a new one until someone told her to. i went to make tea there, and i put the pan on hob, 45 mins later theres not one bubble, so i asked her why, she said oh its like that...lots of us kids,/aunts have tried cooking on her cooker or hatever and only now when we have stressed that its impossbivle to cook on it, it would take her a day to make a salan, she thought about getting a new one,
same with her plants, until we didnt tell her to water them she wouldnt, same with telling her to about her passport, shes been here 15 years, she shoudlve got her passport years ago, but she didnt know.....most people come here knwoing when they can get one, she didnt, and didnt even bother to ask, and neither did her husband.so now she has to do life in the uk test, which she didnt even get the book for, she waited until someone pushed her into a bookshop to get the book.

plus she hasnt even done the test yet and its been a year since she bought it.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

after all she is ur aunty ... u hav to help her in the test ...:-D

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

i

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

Agree with Muzna.

Self-efficacy can be developed when a person experiences success (and recognition/praise) in achieving smaller goals. It provides motivation to do better.

You can try sitting down with her and asking her what her goals are. These can include goals around the house...and others as well. Let her give the ideas so that she has more "more ownership" over them.....as opposed to just "telling her" what she needs to do. When people feel more "involved" in their decisions...they feel more motivated to carry them out. Praise her for the ideas she come with. Write down the goals and separate them into two categories: short-term goals and long-term goals. Tackle the short term goals first......ask her how she thinks the short term goals can be accomplished...in other words what steps can she take to get them completed. And then help her make a time schedule to complete the small steps that would help achieve the goal. For example, if one of her short term goals is to make cooking more efficient. Then the shorter steps that you can fit into her time schedule can be to visit the store during the week and buy a better cooker....and other things that'll speed up the process. If she struggles with shopping....maybe go with with her and tell her what things to look for..what to ask, etc. You can try explaining to her that being "sharper" can entail doing things with more independence....(not being reminded or told)....and taking initiative in finding solutions, etc. When she gives ideas....as opposed to telling her the "right answer".......try taking her idea and redirecting it to something better....or with the use of questions....lead her into coming up with better solutions. Overall, this is something that's going to take time and depends upon the willingness of the person.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

i think the poor woman is caught in between chalak and taiz women whilst she herself is a sweet gentle soul that really doesnt think bad about anyone or thing and well.. may even live in lala land... no harm to that... she just needs to surround herself with such ppl.

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Re: My auntie has a problem..

u know what..variety is what makes life interesting..she has a personality..n thats her if u said shes like that from day 1..

its ok that shes not taiz n chalak..she doesnt have to be..she just has to make sure she doesnt get into trouble bcs of her naiveness..n theres a sure fire way to do that..tell her not to talk too much or reveal too much of herself in forn to f ppl in her life..thats it..

y be like 99% rest of paksitan?..theyr all taiz n chalak n hearltess n cruel..ppl dont like chalak women anywayzz .. it hink theyr a total turn-off..i dont even like to be aorund them seriously