Just wanted to write about my experience from the start, so that it may help or inspire others.
My hubby and I are unable to have our own children ( tried IVF and all) and after 4 years of marriage, we’ve decided to adopt. Being in Australia, there is no partnership with the Pakistani govt for adoption, so we’ve been told it may take some time ( 2-3 years). So now we’re applying locally and applying for adoption from Pakistan ( it’s a seperate process and much more difficult).
Just yesterday we received our forms and stuff to fill in.. and my dear hubby started getting that male morning sickness today.. he’s too excited! He absolutely loves kids.
I have a few issues though, I would’ve loved to get a couple of Pakistani babies as they are more in need of a home than Australian babies. But i know that even doing local adoption is going to take maybe years, as let’s face it, who is going to prefer a Pakistani couple and on top that a Muslim couple?!
Also worried that if we had a white child, when he/she is a teenager, they will rebel against us and say " I’m not a Paki or a muslim, i’ll do what i want", even my hubby has this fear at the back of his mind.
Is there anyone here who has experienced something similar?
I don't have experience with adoption, but I wish you all the best. I would suggest that you contact an adoption laywer, if you can, and perhaps do a private adoption - you could adopt in Pakistan and sponser the child as a dependent to Australia.
Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.. no adoption lawyer can do anything, because Pakistan is a muslim country, and in Islam there is no concept of adoption it is only guardianship. And Australia won't let you bring in a child while you are only the guardian of her/him and not the legally recognised parent. We will have to get a lawyer in Pakistan, so that we can get some kind of documentation to state that we are the legally recognised parents. But first, we have to be assessed suitable by our state to adopt. When the state tells us we are suitable, it is only then we can actually go and look in Pakistan......aaarrrghhh!
Talking about this isn't so hard... Typing it out actually feels like it's going to be a long painful process.. but i guess the end result will be worth it.
There are a few people here who have adopted or are in the process. I am not sure about Australia law, but like most places I am sure you have to go through the process of background checks and government permissions.
Plenty of people have adopted from Pakistan, and I am sure there are People in Australia who have adopted from pakistan as well. The laws in US are similar regarding legally recognised parent versus guardian but I know people who have adopted from Pakistan.
we adopted from Morocco and over there they also give a kaffala which is guardianship, but the state dept understood that its a question of semantics.
I dont remember exactly what we ended up doing but I think when the documents had kaffala (similar to adoption) in there by the local authorities.
as far as local vs pakistani adoption, you can request the child be of asian background (thats the term in UK) not sure what the term is in aus. I do understand your concern about someone from similar background. The fear that any child can say well you are not my parents go to hell is there an can happen, our bigger factor was that they have to look and feel like us so as kids they dont feel like outsiders, and our community can be a bunch of insert choice curse word here , while the adoption is not a secret however I did not want the kids to feel like circus sideshow with people staring and pointing ..actually desis are not the only ones who do that but you know what I mean.
btw this is a big deal in some ways, kids are kids and I am sure you can love any child regardless of race, but that inclusion feeling is important. even at 4 our daughter always said, I look like mommy or I look like daddy and my brother looks like mommy etc.
One thing that I know was the case with Pakistan was that once you found a child and started the paperwork, the kid has to be there for 6 months, so either you will have to go and stay there for that time or have someone else take care of the kid.
KS09 I don’t know about the adoption process neither I know any one directly who has adopted. But I hope and pray the adoption process gets easier for you and may your have a happy & healthy baby in your arms soon ameen
X2 - i'm okay with staying in Pakistan for that long.. i have heaps of family there, and my in-laws are very supportive. My hubby suggested (this was the twisted Pakistani mentality coming through him) , that i leave Australia and tell the authorities i'm pregnant, and go to Pak and get a kid, and then call the authoritites to say it's my biological child, and just get a birth certificate to come back.. but i'm a huge believer of karma.. and i know that stupid idea will definately backfire!
I spoke to the govt adoption agency here, about my concern that the parents who relinquish their child will not prefer Pakistani Muslims for their child.. and they informed me that just a couple of months back a muslim child was given up, who now has gone to non-muslim parents! If only i'd had the courage to do this earlier!
Please remember me in your prayers.. will keep this place updated, so other's can learn from this.
Just had some heart-crushing news.. my friend ( a gori) had applied for an adoption from China, which she was told will take 4years+, but in the mean time she had become successful for a local adoption. I just met her for lunch and she told me local adoption is very rare, because everyone here has government assistance, and there is no social stigma for single mother's so no one gives up their child. she said it may even take 10 years!!
We'll just have to go Pakistan i guess.. please everyone pray for me
Best of luck may Allah reward you for your effort. First of all I know a few people who have adopted in Australia. Some successful and some not. A few pointers: Its much easier to adopt a blood relation child from Paki. Do you have a maybe poor relative with too many children.
The second thing is that a Friend of mine did as exactly as your hubby suggested and then they asked for DNA evidence to prove that this your child. So be careful
Have you tried through non profit agencies like world vision etc to see if they can help.
adoption from Pakistan is not tough.
the factors which make it tough are that for newborns there is a waiting list, atleast at edhi and when they call u, u have to drop everything and run, or have people in pakistan who can start the process pronto on your behalf. secondly the 6 month issue I had noted earlier.
if you want to adopt an older kid, especially a girl...there is minimal wait. call Bilquis Edhi, talk to her.
most ppl want boys and most ppl want newborns..because they are passed off as biological kids due to societal stigma for infertility as well as lineage of an abandoned child
KS09! May Allah give you soo much strength to go through this.
please keep us in your duaas aswell as me and my hubby are planning to start the process soon as well :)
KS09! May Allah give you soo much strength to go through this.
please keep us in your duaas aswell as me and my hubby are planning to start the process soon as well :)
