…because she can’t explain it to her classmates. It bring uncalled for psychological issues for a young child. Am I compromising with my religion…How can I live in the west and still preserve my values?" asks Mr Xyz
ciao
BoSS
Home Schooling???
...because she can't explain it to her classmates.
surely this isnt the only thing a 5 yr old will be unable to explain to her classmates. Muslim parents dont usually let their kids go to proms, dances, parties, or have boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Though many of these activities can be done without compromising ones faith, they are avoided in order to avert complications.
So if these things can be explained, so can hijab. And if these things dont need to be explained, then neither does hijab.
I dont think it has anything to do with psychology. Its just an attempt on part of people trying to fit in with the crowd. We are scared of maintaining our individuality. We try to transform our accents so we sound 'white'. We wear clothes that dont suit us, just cause everyone else is wearing em. Why is that? If we dont transform our accents, that wont make us inferior...and neither will an americanized accent make us superior. So why do we do that?
To me, its more a psychological issue for Mr. Xyz than his 5 yr old.
If u wanna do something, just do it. Dont take the easy way out and then reason it with psychology.
In order to express our individuality one needs to be at a level of comfort with it. The real question is: How soon is a person developed enough to confidently express his/her individuality?
Is peer pressure and fear of societal norms stronger whilst we are younger?
** So if these things can be explained, so can hijab. And if these things dont need to be explained, then neither does hijab. **
True, these issues can be explained to children by ignoring their capacity to comprehend religious beliefs. Brother Xyz is not talking about the East where societies are homogeneous…where people get away with a good parenting certificate without investing time in their children's social skills. Children in Pakistan are not exposed to as much ethnic diversity as they are abroad, hence no such issue pop up there. We can not view things with the same mind set and hope things would work out fine here as well. I agree we need to start of by explaining but we also need to make sure that we r not satisfied with wearing a blind fold.
** I dont think it has anything to do with psychology. Its just an attempt on part of people trying to fit in with the crowd**
Does anyone has a slightest idea how a child feels when he is singled out because he is 'different'. Does anyone know how things become worse when the child is unable to defend himself because of lack of understanding of his actions. And we r saying these are not psychological issues but they are more of excuses to fit in…come on ;-)
*We are scared of maintaining our individuality. We try to transform our accents so we sound 'white'. *
I think we are scared of losing our individuality (just like Africans did) rather than maintaining it. Pakistanies living abroad don't have much of a history as of yet but they are flooding in. It would be unfair if we expect the future generations to 'maintain' their Pakistani individuality which they were never exposed to.
*If u wanna do something, just do it. Dont take the easy way out and then reason it with psychology. *
No Bro! Its not an easy way out…its more of facing the reality. and I'll quote Muzna's question "Is peer pressure and fear of societal norms stronger whilst we are younger?"
ciao
BoSS
this is just a thought but i wanted to know why a 5 yrs old has to wear ahjib i am sure she can grow up then wear it like i dont know the age of 10 or 12 where she is more miture
'Hate your enemy mildly; he may become your friend one day' - Hadith
'as for those who are slain in the cause of allah, he will not allow their work to perish ... he will admit them to the paradise he has made known to them' - Surah 47:7
i dont think there is a requirement for a 5 year old to wear hijaab.
Should values be 'imposed' on our kids? or should they be 'instilled'? Isnt there a difference between telling a child to obey you 'because you said so', and 'because respect begets respect'?
You need to decide that first.
If Mr XYZ wants her daughter to wear a hijab because 'he wants her to', then his daughter will be just as unable to explain it to her peers at 15 as she is at 5.
However, if the childs parents teach her the reasoning behind the act, she will, at some time, be able to explain it well to her friends, whether that is at 5, or 6 or 9.
If a parent doesnt even give his kid a chance to adopt/give something on their own, how can they equate the consequences of that with societal differences? A misinformed and ill-prepared child will be as big a misfit in the East, and he will in the West. A well informed, well-prepared girl will be able to fit in both places, whether she chooses to wear a hijab or not.
It is not psychological for kids but psychos
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/wink.gif
like you who haven’t got a clue themselves about Hijab and want to force it on a “5 year old” kid. That’s the problem of the most pakiz that they don’t know themselve anything about their religion and want to force Islam upon their kids making them a rebellion and a perfect zebra.
Both Boss and Akif are making valid points. I have always wondered how a 5-year-old Sikh boy is able to explain his classmates about his little tennis ball turban. I think if a young girl wears a Hijab, she should be able to explain it to her classmates why she does so. I think kids are a lot more perseverant than grownups (it is the grownups who can’t handle it). My young boys are exposed to many different cultural norms at their elementary school and never do they question about why such and such is different. If anything, at that age they are merely looking to be ‘cool’ whether by wearing a Hijab or temp tattoos. Having some sort of ethnic/religious identity is always a good thing. In terms of peer pressure, if it isn’t Hijab then it is the eyeglasses or the braces, or the sneakers. We can’t be worried about that too much, in fact, having some peer pressure is a good lesson for kids, as the world is not all like people like oneself. If they don’t get exposed to such behaviors now, it will be too late when they reach adulthood.
Akif. I don't believe that Hijab is about 'Values'.
[quote]
Originally posted by NYAhmadi:
*Akif. I don't believe that Hijab is about 'Values'. *
[/quote]
Thats all about personal perception, but you get my point. Its just that if u want your kid to adopt something, whether its religious, cultural, or personal, you have to allow them to understand its value to them first....coz if they cant understand it themselves, they wont be able to explain it to others either. As a matter of fact, the same holds true for adults as well. Numerous times Ive seen people convert to Islam, and a couple of weeks later, they have a beard....yet they cant explain the significance of their beard when asked about it. To them, they have a beard just coz they are muslims. Same, Im sure, is the case with many 2nd generation adult sikhs who wear turbans, yet dont know what it means, and what it stands for.
You cant commit to something without absorbing it first.
[This message has been edited by Akif (edited June 20, 2001).]
Yes Akif, I was thinking ‘Values” in a substantial (e.g., cheating, lying, killing, etc.) context. You used it in an instructive context. Which is equally valid. Either way, I can understand your argument, and I am a big believer of exposing one’s kids to one’s own heritage whether it be Hijab, Turban, or breaking plates on happy functions. I think without traditions, a person is not complete. In terms of adopting to these norms, whether or not it instills values (substantial) is debatable.
[quote]
Originally posted by blackzero:
i dont think there is a requirement for a 5 year old to wear hijaab.
[/quote]
You are right! There isnt any requirments for a 5 year old to wear Hijab.
Interesting comments from NyAhmadi and Akif. Among many of the muslim beliefs and practices...hijab was chosen for this thread because it is apparent and people notice it. I wanted to know how people r managing with this ever changing environment and their beleifs. I could have used sikh's turban and Amish clothes for examples but I found hijab to be more appropriate. It was definitly not to pick on hijab or islam.
For others who think 5 was a wrong number...well, they can make it 4.9 and I wouldn't mind a tiny bit.
ciao,
BoSS
Most of you people missed the point, it is just a scenario. The point is to what extent do we "preserve" our culture vs. the psychological well being of our children.
Perhaps all of you grew up and live in a homogenous paki culture, or where you were around others like yourself and you do not understand how important it is for people (not just children) to be accepted and be part of a group. I think it is more important for children to be accepted because they are still forming their identity, self esteem, and developing psychologically.
Gotta go to class but I'll come post later.
Does a five year old have to wear hijaab in the first place? the answer is noooooo.
Hijaab is required for women and girls who have become mature. Why are you putting it on a little kid?
If you're really concerned about her growing up in an islamic environment, then put her in an all day islamic school.
A five year old will hardly have the maturity to explain to anyone why a woman wears hijaab.
Good Point!