**The first ever annual Global Apathy Day Selebration for Muslims was a resounding success thanks to its members who made it possible by not showing up. **
Reuters - New York
The first ever annual Global Apathy Day Selebration (GADS) was declared a resounding success. Not one member showed up.
The occassion was set in Central Park due to the overwhelming support of GADS members by not donating money or effort to launch the program in a more suitable setting with some marginal refreshments.
Despite boasting an inestimable amount of loyal members - inestimable due to the fact that, as per ritual, no one actually signed up - the turnout was phenomenally low exceeding even the organizers’ expectations.
Shehryar Shafquat, the president of this grassroots organization, when asked about the concept and reason of this day, had this to say, “We believe that Muslims have gone through a lot of pain and hardships in the past 20 years or so. As a result they have become numb. Our organization seeks to tap into this numbness of Muslims and celebrate it globally and universally in a unified and united show of apathetic brotherhood. After all, if we can’t be united in anything else, at least we can all be united being comfortably numb.”
Shariq Tabrez, the vice-president and the only other attendee, had this to add, “I am vice-president because Shehryar is my cousin and he promised me that there would be some desans here.” He further added, “No food, no desans…Not even any other female. No one. Who says the Muslims aren’t united? This united and complete show of apathy is proof that we are indeed united with our brothers and sisters around the globe.”
Shehryar Shafquat: “Now, this is unity”.
Upon being asked what issues were not to be discussed and debated, the 29 year old Shehryar had this to add: “A lot of things were not on the agenda. We weren’t going to discuss the plight of the Ummah, we weren’t going to debate over what should be done to create a common platform between Muslims, and the most important thing which we were not going to discuss was what not to do about the hundreds of Muslims being killed around the world and what not to do to aid their cause.”
“What we really didn’t want to focus our attention on was, what roles should Muslims not play in the changing face of the current world. But Alhumdulillah, our dedicated and sincere members did an outstanding job fulfilling all the points outlined in the agenda. Not. Today was indeed a day of solidarity.”
We asked Shehryar why the ‘Celebration’ in ‘Global Apathy Day Selebration’ was spelled with an ‘S’, to which he replied: “Well, we asked a dear brother-in-faith of ours who happens to be a very renowned graphic designer to design a banner for us. The dear brother was kind enough to donate his precious time to this endeavour and immediately upon receiving my email, designed the wonderful banner which you yourself received, in MS Paint.”
“Since he already had designed it and sent it to me, I really didn’t have time to check for spelling mistakes, so I just forwarded it to all the email addresses in my list. Hence the ‘S’ in ‘Celebration’. But I also think GADS sounds much more catchy than GADC, don’t you think?”
An impromptu competition was also held with the winner receiving a personal congratulatory call from the vice-president, Mr. Tabrez.
Having no member list, the first three Muslim names that came up in the directory were the ones to which the call was made. Each was asked the same question: What should not be done about the atrocities against Muslims in Chechnya?
The results of the competition were as follows:
Second Runner Up:
Mr. Hamid Malangzai: “There are Muslims in Chechnya?”
First Runner Up:
Arif Ahmed Golorho: “There are Muslims in Chechnya?”
First Prize Winner:
Phajja Butt: “I am sorry, I am not at home right now and have gone to play Cricket. Please leave your name and reason for calling”. (This while we could hear someone in the background asking, ‘Who is it? Who is it?’
Next year’s invitations have already been sent. Upon being asked if it was wise to send them this early as they might be forgotten, Mr. Shafquat smiled and said, “I know”.
[edit]
Can we leave it here in Culture please? It’s satire and satire is part of art…
Anyways, as per the mods of General, the General crowd needs a warning before reading a satire so as not to confuse it with the real thing…Not to mention I would hate to have it buried under a pile of inane one-liners
[/edit]
Allah has gifted you with great writing skills.
