Re: Muslim women marrying non-muslim Men
^ I don't think they are being harsh. They are stating the fact. Children born outside of marriage are illegitimate.
In todays day and age does the man have the final say on how to raise the children?
It depends; each situation is different. Let's assume that the father does not care and says hey honey, raise our children as however you want. If the girl was a practicing Muslim, I don't think she would marry a non-Muslim to begin with. If she can go against the Islamic teachings and marry outside of religion, it sounds to me like that she doesn't care much about religion either, then the child will have no identity (religiously speaking). We don't need to worry about that the father has given permission and she will raise the child as a Muslim.
The bottom line is that according to Quran, such marriage is not valid to begin with; it is as if the girl is committing zina, and all children born are illegitimate. Feel free to question what the Quran says but I am not going to do it. Things are very clear in Islam, it's another thing we choose to ignore them. I am talking about myself as well because I am supposed to pray 5 times a day, but I don't. However, I am not going to justify it.
It seems like the discussion is going nowhere, when there is no room for discussion on this topic to begin with as Quran is very clear on this topic. I will conclude with this:
Quran is guidance, not a book full of rules and regulations, DOs and DONTs. We should apply some common sense, and in this case, it's saying don't marry outside of religion. Let's not try to focus on that Quran does not list Jews/Christians/Hindus/Budhas/Catholics etc. etc. etc. If it were to list all possible situations/scenarios, the book would be much longer.
For more, please consult your local Imam as my knowledge is very limited.