Re: Multiple Wives
Peace MatineeSiren
Your views are of particular interest to me here. Please play along ...
Mistresses don't demand as much time, money, and care as wives do.
I'd rather my husband cheated on me with a mistress (since for men cheating is often solely about sex), than dividing his time equally and caring for another woman as he would for me. That's a worse form of cheating. It's cheating love :(
Some mistresses demand more time ... what rule states that a mistress is a quick hit? I can see what you would rather have. However, you have not thought of the greater implication of your 'rather have', if it easier to get a mistress than another wife then man will do it, if it is made more acceptable then what will stop the man getting a second mistress or a third and so on? Will it not become a path towards immorality to make adultery acceptable? Marriage burdens prevents men from having sex with other women, but you are concentrating on a mute issue.
Hypothetically speaking what if you were the other woman and not the first wife, what then?
Who are you to say that? a second wife will cheat the first wife because she demands half of the first husbands time. The husband gets 100% attention and love from both wives, but now has to separate his time equally between the other two. A mistress is less likely to get knocked up and thus take more money from the husband, but a second wife has rights to inheritance, money, etc. It's cheating the first wife of love, stability, and happiness.
Again. I'd rather have my husband mess with some woman on and off than take so much time away from me. An affair can be solely about sex, but marriage demands more than that. So, polygamy cheats the wives emotionally as well.
I think again you might be over simplifying the equation. If a woman knows where her husband is then that is better for her state of mind than being unaware where he has been when he comes home late or is acting odd. Instead a man remains genuine and the women in his life know where he can be found. That is what stability means not messing with someone on the side.
You're missing the point. Even marrying another woman openly is an open statement that his first wife is not good enough for him.
A second wife takes half of his time, a mistress may only take 3% of his time. He is taking half of his money (which was once for the first wife and her household and children), and giving it to another. He is dividing his time as a father (thus, the children see less of their father and have to rationalize why he doesn't love mommy enough that she's his only wife), and he strips them of their inheritance rights if he has children with another woman. He strips the first wife of her status, and brings her public shame.
It's theft of love and rights. Man and woman were created to be a couple. You can't be as close as clothes for eachother if you've got a whole closet to cover.
I'd rather my husband cheated on me.
But I doubt you would like to be the woman who is cheating on your husbands first wife, unless he gives you the same attention. Also with regards to inheritance based on that argument. My parents can say that they don't want me married at all it will rob them of my inheritance rights, or if i was an only child i curse my parents for giving me brothers and sisters because I was first and I should get the inheritance. It is an emotional filled argument, a selfish one, but not a fair one.
I'd rather my husband were lashed for his indiscretions than ruin my entire life and ruin the lives of my possible children.
A selfish argument. If someone loved their spouse more than themselves they would never wish for their punishment but would bear for them.
He knows better than to do it anyway. Cuz if he did, I'd take all his money and be as vindictive as possible. He wouldn't have a shoe left to his name once I finished with him :D
Funny ... but nonetheless selfish
I believe in love and emotional bonds. Perhaps you don't consider them as important as I do.
It is possible to be unaffected or even treated much better to have a husband who is happier with two wives. (Provided he is inclined that way)
That's cool. Then you can take half of what was legally the right of the first wife and give it to another women. then you can take half of the man's inheritance that was the right of the first wife's children and give it to another woman's children.
Cuz, that isn't cheating, is it?
No ... coming first in line does not give a divine permit or monopoly on inheritance. It is a divine instruction and should never be viewed as a 'right' inherent to us, but that what is due to us by the method established in scripture. It would be unfair on the second wife if she got less. Furthermore, the first wife would have already got more because in the time that she was the only wife she already enjoyed 100% attention and money, and her children are likely to be older which gives them rights of lineage if not inheritance.
Last time I looked, it didn't mention infertility in the Quran as a reason that polygamy could be practiced. However, orphans and widows were specifically mentioned.
Saying that a man can take another wife because his first wife is infertile means that her only value is based on her body. Women aren't meat, and you shouldn't view yourself as such.
If the first wife agrees then it does not matter either way. To say that "that her only value is based on her body" to be a correct deduction one would have to add that "if a woman was infertile then she would be divorced". Only then can your statement be qualified, but if the man remains married to her despite her infertility then you cannot qualify your statement.
All in all I see a selfish approach towards your view of second marriage and quite honestly I would have said nothing about it, had you not been favouring sin over a lawful act.