I have a friend (british pakistani) who fell in love with a guy in her uni days (english). Theyve been together for 5 years now. Hes actually a very decent and lovely guy.
All her friends have stopped talking to her because ‘she wont listen and they dont want to be labeled bad like her’ even though shes such a quite type. She doesnt flaunt her relationship in anybodys face. Shes scared stiff in regards to telling her family and it seems their long term prospect is that they stay together until they can and then move on.
My question is to all the girls on GS who had multicultural weddings.
How did you overcome the problems (if any) of breaking it to your parents?
Did you still have a big wedding (if thats what you always wanted)?
Being together and being together as muslim husband and wife are two different things . First is Halal and second one is not . There is a reason why everyone is keeping a distance from them . Isn't it .
But yea if both are muslims and from different cultures then I find it perfectly normal . I know quite a few couples who are Pakistani and Arabs . Nice people .
A Muslim man is welcome to marry outside of Islam if his wife is a "child of the book" ie., christian or jewish. So you're wrong there NaMaan.
Myhusband and I have been married for well over a decade now and are among the happiest of married couples I've ever seen or heard of (if I do say so meself lol!!)
Our families on both sides had many concerns for sure. None of which ever came to fruition. We love each other dearly, we have 3 amazing boys and we are a very happyfamily unit, we are truly a "team" as marriage should be.
The naysayers are either happy for us or eating crow lol.
whats the point of the relationship then? waste of her life.
one of my neighbours daughter (pakistani) got married to an english guy. she had to leave home and no one from her family came. i saw her wedding pix and they had a small nikah in the morning, registry in the afternoon and then meal at a local restaurant. there were around 50ppl max in attendance. she wanted the big fairy tale wedding but instead she had a really low key event due to the circumstances.
Muslim or not, she must get married to this man and set a precedent for others.
This precedent will be good for many other Pakistani girls who can't find a desi for marriage.
^ yeah i agree. race shouldn't matter if the guy is a good muslim. however in the example i gave, it was common knowledge that the guy only converted for the sake of doing the nikah... he didnt stop consuming alcohol/pork or anything like that
Being together and being together as muslim husband and wife are two different things . First is Halal and second one is not . There is a reason why everyone is keeping a distance from them . Isn't it .
But yea if both are muslims and from different cultures then I find it perfectly normal . I know quite a few couples who are Pakistani and Arabs . Nice people .
Ok, so even if the 2nd option is not ok in Islam, it still doesn't justify that the fact that her friends are keeping distance from her. If they find it wrong, they can avoid making such choice for themselves but distancing yourself from a friend because she likes a non muslim guy is pathetic. A friend in need is a friend indeed!
Ok, so even if the 2nd option is not ok in Islam, it still doesn't justify that the fact that her friends are keeping distance from her. If they find it wrong, they can avoid making such choice for themselves but distancing yourself from a friend because she likes a non muslim guy is pathetic. A friend in need is a friend indeed!
Lusi, while what you say makes absolute sense and I agree with it...we cant ignore the fact that "you are the company you keep". Some girls may find their reputation too precious to associate themselves with this girl...they are thinking of their own future also.
Its a reality of life...people will inquire about your reputation, friends and girls you hang out with...others may become guilty by association. I know its not the best scenario to be in but these girls are simply protecting themselves.
Lusi, while what you say makes absolute sense and I agree with it...we cant ignore the fact that "you are the company you keep". Some girls may find their reputation too precious to associate themselves with this girl...they are thinking of their own future also.
Its a reality of life...people will inquire about your reputation, friends and girls you hang out with...others may become guilty by association. I know its not the best scenario to be in but these girls are simply protecting themselves.
And you eventually get the same habits as the people you hang out with. Maybe not all of them but little by little some of the stuff they constantly do, you do it to.
I do think its highly pathetic of some of our friends to stop talking to her since they aren't amazing muslims themselves. People enjoy doing ghunna behind closed doors but degrade somebody who may be doing it openly.
Somebody said get the guy to convert. His family is strict christian. Why shouldn't she convert? Its a toughy and I really feel for her.
It was hard enough for me and hubs to convince our families and were both muslim!
I got married to a white dude(who was Muslim before i met him) a long loooooooong time ago, when i suppose it was less heard of and probably less culturally acceptable. Not that i’m culturally in tune anyway, but that’s another story…
Out of all the people in my social circle, friends and family included, only 2 people had a problem with me marrying a white MUSLIM. I consequently cut them out and moved on with my life. Sucks to be them eh?
Were there any problems to overcome when telling my parents - not really. I just casually brought it up in conversation whilst cooking with my dad and took it from there! My parents were totally supportive - they could see he was an awesome guy and that he made me happy and tbh, he made me a better person as well!
Did we still have a big wedding - unfortunately yes.
I'm marrying a non-desi guy, friends and family are all fine with it (bar my brother) and we're having a big wedding just as I would if I was marrying a desi.. It's pretty common in our circle anyway (my dad jokes that the more backward aunties can't even gossip that much about it cos their daughters might be the next ones doing it lol).
Just last weekend we went to a wedding where a desi girl was marrying a white guy and she was the second sister in her family to have done it.. I think nowadays the more educated families don't see it as that much of a huge deal as long as the guy has become Muslim and they get at least one desi SIL/DIL as well :D Most of the families we know who have been in this situation have still given their kids the big fat weddings, a couple just had nikkah and a small gathering with a handful of people instead..
From what I have observed, there rarely is a common ground in multi culture. One's culture ultimately takes over other's culture. This is easier said than done. If someone is OK with this, they should not have problem getting married to person from another culture.
I have came across many couple like this (in US, Canada and in Singapore) in fact one is my distant-cousin who was born and raised in Canada but married to a local Christian guy. OK he converted to Islam at the time of Nikkah but what I see now (after 4 years of their marriage) that it was just to "satisfy" the large family in Canada which was attending the wedding.
PS: I am telling you whats obvious, baqi dil ka haal tu Allah hee behter janta hai.
waste of her life.
My parents were totally supportive - they could see he was an awesome guy and that he made me happy and tbh, he made me a better person as well!