I know many couples who are of 2 different religions. Hindu married to Christian, Christian married to Muslim, Muslim married to Jew and so on and so forth.
I do not intend to get into muslims and non muslim debate here although I know we will at some point, , but in such families, how does one raise the kids?
I recently came accoss a hindu girl married to a catholic and since they’ve had kids, they are are having issues on how to bring these children up. Before marriage, there was little or no discussion on this topic, but now it’s important to them.
The girl wants to expose her children to both religions, have them go to church and temple but his family his totally against anything but the church. Husband and wife have a great relationship so there are no heated discussions or fights as such, but serious confusion and an inner turmoil.
Its simple, they (and every couple) should've discussed this before marriage.
In almost all the desi (muslim) /gora couples i've seen, the kids are brought up as Muslim...no question of "exploring." (I don't know any non-Muslim mixed couples). Personally I feel she has the right idea, but who knows, exposing them to both might make them confused OR more well rounded.
I'm marrying someone who's converted to Islam but rest of the family is Christian. Of course we intend to bring the kids up as Muslim but my Mum still worries that the kids might get fed pork and so on (which hopefully won't happen as hubby's family won't be eating that sort of stuff when the kiddies are around) or that they might get taken to Church etc. There are quite a few 'mixed' marriages in my family and amongst family friends, they usually work out fine as long as both parties are reasonable people and make it clear from the start what is and isn't acceptable.
Where problems have arisen is when husband or wife suddenly went back on their promises and demanded their way, one of my Dad's friends married a lady in the 70s and they were both very laid back in those days, not v.religious and decided kids would 'choose' which religion they would follow as they grew up. The wife later became a Jehova's witness and decided that the kids were not to be allowed into a mosque or be taught Islam at all. Needless to say they are now divorced. That's a pretty extreme case tho imo, I know plenty of couples that have made it work, does require mutual respect tho, I wouldn't allow my kids to eat pork or put up a Xmas tree or anything like that but I would never put down my inlaws religion or way of life the way some people do.
No experience at all never ever heard or saw in even distant relatives. It didn’t happen.
But I think children become confused of everything especially religion.
That is the reason Quran says it is better to marry a muslim.
What happens in reality father doesn’t get enough time to involve in bringing up of children that much as kids spend more time with mom so they learn from mom everything.
Mom teaches them everything so she will always teach things what she knows and learned and think right.
As I think it’s father right to have kids to know only his religion.
we have a couple in our social circle.. all men are muslim though but married to xtians or jews. some have agreed never to have kids... some thought they didnt give a hoot bout religion but once the kids started coming, suddenly both sets of parents or one, woke up and thought, hey.. im gonna raise the kid according to my religion... thats where the problems started.
there's even a friend married to a converted muslim girl who's family is ofcourse still xtian, and they are having a baby in july. the guy is confused as hell as to how he will keep his kid from getting confused as to why nani amma believes in jesus and xmas and why dadi is all bout eid and ramadan. the girl has already said that you cant keep the kid from meeting its naniyal, which is true... so now starts the *huh? * period for the couple.
They have to think before marriage. Shadi ho gi to bchchay to hon gay. Unhain to dunia main anay say koi aur koi tareeqa naheen rok sakta to pehlay sochna chahyay na kay baad main.
He have to tell the kids ohhh there is no santa clause they are liars. lol. Only one Allah no trinity. All the time father has to say his/her nanhiaal is very wrong and on the wrong path and he/she can't be nanga khulla like them lol. What her wife would do? Would say oh my parents are so very wrong. There is Only one Allah no beta of Allah, (Nauzbillah). You nana nani are so jhootay there is no santa clause. You can't go to church as they say son of God and when you listen to this you become ghair muslim. Church is so very wrong.
They sing in church is so very wrong. Singing is haram in Islam. You can't make g/f or b/f that is haram in Islam. When he will ask why these nanhiaal's nuns are dressing like muslim and others nanhiaal's are so nungay pungay. Why so double standard. Why different for nun and others.
What if he/she will inspired by nanhiaal like g/f b/f and nanga pun and santa clause and trinity (three gods). Uski to dunia aur akhiraat hi barbaad ho gai. Kis ki? Musalman baap ki.
Isi liaay to ijazat to di gai hai kay koi agar aqal ka andha ho jaay to kar lay shadi ahl e kitaab say laikin us main bhi naiko kaar aur sahi ahle kitab say shadi ki ijazat di gai hai laikin yay bhi kaha gia hai unsay bahtar ghulaam musalmaan larki hai zahir hai wo kum uz kum musalman to banaay gi.
Do kishtion ka sawar dubta hi hai. Ubharnay kay aik aur achchi kashti ka chunao karna chahyay aur wo hai Muslim muslim say hi shadi karay.
This is very obviously something that needs to be fully discussed and decided prior to marriage if it is important to either husband or wife! Its a little late once the kids arrive to have that all-important debate where each feels strongly and they do not agree.
A little bit off topic but I have to point out...that it is in no way a bad thing to raise a child to be a certain religion but also expose them to other religions. Allow them to go to a church and see a service etc. Attending a christian mass doesnt turn the kid into a christian. But it does teach them about other religions and there is nothing wrong with understanding. Same with christmas tree...having one doesnt make you christian or mean that you beleive in the trinitiy.
mama.. i think most parents are just afraid that it will confuse the kid and afraid the kid WILL take up the other religion and leave its own... i think its just the fear of it all.
There are two cases of brothers in our extended family:
Brother # 1: Supersuccessful/famous/well off surgeon married to a white lady. She converted to Islam before they got married and is a good practicing Muslim. However, the kids don't follow religion at all and are very spoiled.
Brother # 2: Again, supersuccessful/famous/well off doctor and also married to a white Christian lady who did not convert to Islam. Infact she's very gungho about her religion, doesn't like to mingle much with Muslim families, and is known to be very proud and full of herself. However, all of her three kids are looked upon as role models. Ivy League grads, super respectful, caring and above all, great Muslim kids with so much knowledge of their deen.
Every couple should discuss their views on raising children before marriage...even if they are of the same religion. Because some couples may have opposing views (ie liberal vs conservative etc).
I dont think that parents who come from 2 different cultures is a big issues in terms of raising children. The challenge is when you come from 2 different religions.
Yeah. I agree that these matters should be discussed before tieing the knot, but unless you are sure about not having kids, they will come, and along with them will come responsibilities.
But now in the case I mentioned, since that wasn't done before, this couple is confused.
The worst part is that parents from both sides have started pressurizing them and talking to the kids about which is the "better" religion.
Thats a tough situation Niksik...and its the kids who end up paying for the mistakes of the parents and grandparents. Parents mistake being that they are indecisive and grandparents mistake being that they are doing nothing but confusing the poor kids.
If these parents are smart, they'd sit down and seriously discuss and decide what religion their children will follow and then get this going asap. Then sit down with the grandparents and tell them of the decision and that they are not to discuss it with the children unless they have positive and encouraging things to say about it. Any other course will likely leave the children so confused and annoyed about the whole thing that they'll end up without any religion at all!
This is very obviously something that needs to be fully discussed and decided prior to marriage if it is important to either husband or wife! Its a little late once the kids arrive to have that all-important debate where each feels strongly and they do not agree.
A little bit off topic but I have to point out...that it is in no way a bad thing to raise a child to be a certain religion but also expose them to other religions. Allow them to go to a church and see a service etc. Attending a christian mass doesnt turn the kid into a christian. But it does teach them about other religions and there is nothing wrong with understanding. Same with christmas tree...having one doesnt make you christian or mean that you beleive in the trinitiy.
Mama of three so how many times did you celebrate eid to your house it won't make your kids Muslim.
How many times did you send your kids to mosque? going to send them to mosque wouldn't make them muslim. Your kids have to learn different religion too.
There are two cases of brothers in our extended family:
Brother # 1: Supersuccessful/famous/well off surgeon married to a white lady. She converted to Islam before they got married and is a good practicing Muslim. However, the kids don't follow religion at all and are very spoiled.
Brother # 2: Again, supersuccessful/famous/well off doctor and also married to a white Christian lady who did not convert to Islam. Infact she's very gungho about her religion, doesn't like to mingle much with Muslim families, and is known to be very proud and full of herself. However, all of her three kids are looked upon as role models. Ivy League grads, super respectful, caring and above all, great Muslim kids with so much knowledge of their deen.
Brother number 2 bust be genius and he must have did that himself not her wife.
Gr8, The father is the teacher of the boys for the time being. They know their prayers (well, they know pretty well lol)...they are still young yeah? No mosque yet, its an hour away from here and hubby is satisfied with being their teacher for now. But this post is not about me and my boys yeah? Point being...hubby and I discussed and decided upon the religion of our children before we married....
MO3, nothing better than a parent investing his/her time in the kids life. I'm sure your boys will turn out to be excellent human beings. Your hubby's lucky to have such a supportive wife!
awww thank you Niksik!! Hubby is pretty awesome...he isnt like alot of too-busy dads - he is cub scout leader for the boys, spends much time with them and is a very involved parent. I love that about him and it surely shows in the boys.
It's just so sad to see couples of mixed marriages who haven't even discussed such an important matter until the last minute, drag innocent children through such confusion. Kids are innocent and get confused so easily. Why put them through this? It definitely should've been decided before marriage. Heck, I've even seen Muslim couples of different sects (i.e. Shia/Sunni) go through getting married and immensely enjoying their new husband/wife relationship without even giving any thought to how children will factor into this, then when that time comes, the A-bomb drops and its a big blowup leading to lots of friction between them both, all of which could've been resolved before deciding to get married. Sad
, but in such families, how does one raise the kids?