I was pondering over our lives while preparing breakfast for the teenagers that it seems like we are their humble servants, one kid wants the turkey bacon really crisp the other won’t touch it if its crisp. One wants loads of onions in the omelet the other hates onions. Harris won’t eat his food if it touches the other food. We wait for them to finish eating then eat their leftovers like mulazims..drop them here pick them up there. Same thing happened with parents we were like mulaizms for them to mom wanted fresh food all the time and would criticize and complain. Now my wifes sister is doing the same to us also. When we socialized community people would do the same to us. We paid for this family’s hotels at 5 star hotels as kids wanted to hang with their kids and when we came back the woman yelled at my wife because she assumed an innocent remark was a slight..
How is your relationship with your close ones…are you the Mulazim or the master..
Funny how I was thinking along the same lines last night. The only difference would be that I’m not married yet and so don’t have any children. I think your relationship with children is different and special, so having to do things for them and going out of way is a great feeling. For me, I’ve always been the giver in relationships. My father passed away when I was about 9 and being the eldest kid (with one younger sister) I had to take care of my mother and her. I think somehow in all the relationships that I have had afterwards, be it friends, relatives or whoever I’ve always felt responsible for them. Maybe it has started to take a bit of a toll now sometimes when I realize that I’m 25 yet it feels like I’ve been living for ages and ages.
I am the youngest and still took care of the family finances, paid for older sisters and even brothers in the end when I wanted some time to live my life they turned on me. Expecting reciprocation leads to resentment so I self talk that I give because giving makes me happy and that is my identity. My wifes sister did her very best trying to destroy us and we still cook and provide for her.
My kids are my reason for living and gives me a chance to bond with them. No one dies of hardwork.
Not a parent yet or married but at home we all work together.
Parents have treated us with so much care, love and respect and have definitely gone above and beyond their means to keep us happy, healthy and educated. However, they don’t pick up after us and we can’t have much nakhray (even though I try to sometimes :p). We learn to compromise and have ehsaas for each other and mum’s made is clear that we all have our own responsibilities and when the time comes that you may need to pick it up and offer more if another family member needs the extra support.
When parents have done good for their children, the children in return often give back. My parents still take care of my grandparents in many ways and I hope to be able to care for my parents as I am now but more so when they are older.
As long as no one takes advantage of one another and the respect is maintained no harm in caring for each other and going the extra mile. When the mutual ehsaas and respect is lost only then the relationship turns toxic. I’ve learned it’s always important to create those boundaries. Self love is looked down upon sometimes in the desi community but you need to be stable before you can love someone else and give back to them!
You seem to have an awesome family, you are right about self-love and desi culture they want to produce sacrificial lambs, many a time enough is never enough and the more you give the more they feel entitled too. Both my boys train very hard around 15 hrs a week after that I can’t really expect them to chip in for house work. The 18 yr old when he came back to visit he shoveled and helped cleaning and cooking. With our desi friends they took advantage of us and abused our generosity.
Remember you can’t pour from an empty bucket and your bucket needs to be filled also you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others.
My wife is a source of energy for me and keeps reinvigorating me. A good relationship is like magic.
When I got home Harris was cooking in the kitchen with my wife and that was a happy sight. When he goes to Florida training camp he will have to cook for himself, I hope he learns quickly. In the gora world its dog eat dog and they dont help you out. I dont think the older boys will take care of him, he is the youngest athlete at 14.
So I laid the law down with Harris, Harris starting to act like royalty, I put some dressing in the sandwich and he refused to touch it, the tandoori chicken was too spicy, the chicken in alfredo tasted weird..blah..blah..blah. He is helping us cook today as he has to cook for himself when he is in Florida. I got a chance to see what he prefers to eat.
He made keema for tacos, we did potato wedges and tandoori chicken, and souvlaki chicken, Coach is coming for dinner to have a pep talk with him