Re: moving to pakistan to live with in laws
Found this on another forum, this seems fairly typical and seems to sum up what a lot of girls end up going thru so please everyone think carefully before moving in with inlaws, I am NOT saying they’re bad at all, just to be aware of potential difficulties that can arise from being in these situations:
'Salaam all…
I am a girl living with in-laws for 5 1/2 years…let me tell you it is NOT easy. That doesn’t mean that my in-laws are bad or anything…but if you want privacy…flexibility…and just responsibility for yourself and your immediate family (kids, husband and yourself) then it is not possible in extended family circumstances.
My in-laws don’t tell me to do stuff…but it is expected of a daughter-in-law and therefore considered my duty whereas in Islam I do not have to look after my in-laws sooo much. I have 2 younger brothers-in-law who don’t do anything around the house unless you constantly remind them…My mother-in-law is only 50 but has depressive problems and doesn’t have a good relationship with her husband which makes her even more dependent and clingy to her kids (and my husband). My husbands parents are not that old…they live their lives and do stuff they want to do. My mother-in-law loves dressing up and wearing gold etc.
We live in England so I have to cook, clean, look after my own kids, and husband and in-laws. By the end of the day I am shattered and just want to sleep…but of course by that time my husband wants to spend some time with me…this situation causes stress.
My younger bros-in-law are not married as yet. And as they are non-maharam to me, Islamically I have to wear hijab in the house. It is very frustrating. Even in the kitchen I have to wear hijab while cooking when they are home (both are in their 20s).
Because I am related to my husband, I am expected to live in this house for ages…Because in pakistani households, if you are family then you are expected to be extra sacrificing for your in-laws. It is not fair if you ask me. My husband has just bought a house last month, but there is too much to be done to it before we can move in. Probably will take another 6 months…and even the thought of me moving causes my mother-in-law to get moody…she says who will do the work, I am too ill to do anything etc…
Before I got married I never thougt about living separately, but now if I have a daughter I will let her ask her husband how long she would have to live with in-laws.. This is an important thing…I wish I had thought about this earlier. I would rather live close to in-laws than be dependent on them for soooo long. If they needed me and were too old etc. then it would be ok, but they have two sons who don’t do anything, so they should help around the house!’
Source: Muslim Online - Islamic Forum, Arcade, Friends > Living with in-laws