I am getting married to this guy who lives in another country. its a 1 hour flight from my country.
I dint think much about it before. was just feeling so happy for meeting this wonderful person and being with him. Now when things got clear and I really realized that I will live far away from my mother and father, my sisters and their babies and my wonderful brother.I just feel like crying. its so difficult.
I spoke to him about moving to my country and his response was that he cant move away permanently as he has a job, family etc but that he would be willing to live in my country for a shorter period. and that I would learn to cope with the situation.
I just got mad when I heard that i wud learn to cope with it…what the…
a man who claims not to follow the tradition gender roles..y cant he move to my country???
I am pissed off, hurt and mad right now and I dont wanna see him…
I am also in a long distance relationship rite now, not a different country but still is about a 4 hour flight away from him...I know how ur feeling it is really hard esp. in the beginning. I'm getting married next yr also (Inshallah) but we already discussed the living arrangements a long time ago. I know his situation is difficult, he is the eldest son and his parents are sick and he has to live with them...It wud be unfair for me to ask him to move to my area just cos i want to be closer to my family, when i know his parents need him.
I don't know wot ur situation is...if he lives alone, then y doesn't he think of coming to ur country? i mean if ur willing to move, leave ur home, family and work then y can't he? But on the other hand, if he has a good reason (eg.parents or other responsibilty) then try to understand his situation.
If he lives alone and so on then i can understand completely y ur pissed...try talking to him when ur calm and tell him how u feel about it...in the end, if u truly are meant to be together then one of u will make the sacrifice...good luck:)
Well his sister is getting divorced and has a kid. his parents live very far away and she doesnt want their help anyways so he feels that he must be there for her.
on the other hand my mum is extremely depressed cuz of me being far away and I am the one among my siblings who manages to keep a balance among the youngsters and oldies. I feel a certain responsibilty towards my family and my mothers health isnt very good either.
He on the other hand is very indenpendent from his parents and dont feel that he shud be there for them in the same wa as I do.
His only reason for not moving is his sister and his job.
Yeah one hour flight is practically next door, you guys can probably drive over from time to time too :)
Job is a big consideration, and it does sound like his sister could need his help since she's a single mother now. At times one must sacrifice, in my case, im ok with moving wherever there is a job for me good enough to support my wife and myself, but job is the pre-req as i need to support both of us and insha'Allah my siblings too one day.
Consider the fact tht you really arnt gonna be that far away from family.
Not the same thing...but i remember when i had to make a choice between studying in London or moving up North for uni...
I ended up picking London...cos my mother is here...my friends are here...i know how everything works...where to go out and buy things...what to do at night...i knew where was safe and what wasnt etc...it was the easy option staying somewhere where you know how everything works...so i can empathise with you...
its never easy to go somehwere new where you have to sort of start all over again...have to make new friends etc...have to learn new everything...its difficult...
So between the two of you you need to compromise...6 months here and there isnt going to work...you both need stability...
lol my mum moved all the way from Pakistan to London...now that was a learning curve...she didnt have the benefit of a supportive husband or in laws...
So insh'allah if you do move your husband and in laws will do whatever they can to make you feel at home...becuase its on them to make sure you dont feel alone or like a stranger...
I’ve always seen that in asian families it’s the eldest son’s responsiblity to take care of his parents, i know times have changed but this still happens with ppl i know…but i’ve always wondered wot if there is no son, then it’s probably the eldest daughter and her husband’s responsibility…dunno if u have a brother or not, but try to spread out the resposiblity of ur parents amongst all the siblings…just cos u’ll be a lil farther away, doesn’t mean u can’t still care for them…i’ve already told my younger brother that it is his place to take care of our parents (financially at least)…it’s not rite for them to be alone in my eyes…
It’s a tough situation…i think his sister needs him too…but sometimes u can be there for some1 even if ur not close in distance…1 hour doesnt seem that bad, every1 will just have to adjust…i feel the same way as u do, but i think it’s the BIG change of getting married that can be a lil scary sometimes and sadly some1 will have to sacrifrice their wishes…oh and i don’t think the 6 months here n there will work…it’s too temporary…a new marriage needs some security, some stability… u’ll be okay, every1 goes thru this when they get married (at least girls do) and all mothers get depressed when their kids move away, with time things get easier.
Job is a huge factor in this. If he has a good, stable job and will be able to provide for you and your future children, then that is also something you need to consider. Will he be able to find such a job where you live now?
A very difficult situation, but like others have said, it is only an hours flight away. Just remind yourself of all those countless women who were married off and sent to England to be with their husbands while their families and parents were still back in Pakistan. That is what I tell myself in such situations. If my mother could do it, surely I can do it, can’t I?
I’m sure there are regular fights that fly daily back to your home town in case there is ever an emergency. Also, with technology, internet, text messaging, phones and computers, you will always be in touch with your family. It is not like you are going to the North Pole. Plus, i’m sure your parents and siblings can come and stay with you and your husband. He is not putting any restrictions from my understanding and will not fobid you or them from visiting each other.
