I will get straight to the point, I am getting married in December. My fiance (a cousin) is from Pakistan and I was born and bred in London. In the initial talks we hadn’t discussed our future living plans as I didnt ask him and assumed he would come here. When the topic did come up he said he would like to settle in Pakistan in the future. It was quite a shock and I told him I would have to think about it, we still kept on talking and got to know each other better. I discussed it with my parents who were also not keen on the idea.
Then a family wedding came up and I went there (after 10 years) and I even stayed with his family and really liked it. I got to see their day to day lifestyle once the wedding was over. When I came back my parents asked how it was and if I was still happy and I said yes. Now the wedding is coming closer the more I think about it the more nervous I get about eventually having to move there.
Anyone know someone that has been in this situation and has moved there from the UK? FYI they live in Rawalpindi, his father is working in the army and my fiance has a decent Govt job which he will have to give up as he will initially come to the UK.
looks like you wrote for me !!!
Apart from the location and the fiance's job and the fact that i used to meet my fiance/cousin everytime he would come visit us here...everything else is ditto...
I was meant to move to pakistan straight after marriage, however my fiance got a job with an international firm and he would come to the uk for 15 months transfer straight after marriage, with this good news, i will be able to keep my job here for another 15 months. We then plan to go back and live there. But no plans are definite so i dont waste my energy thinking about it. In any case, i support his decisions and that is what makes us strong.
Moving to pak from Europe isnt an easy decision at all, but it can be very worth it if the person you are marrying is worth it. My fil is also in the airforce and living in defence so lifestyle is much better for their social group as opposed to other social circles.
I am very nervous about my first 2 months in pak but IA all will go well if i keep my self strong and happy and ignore all the little things that wont matter eventually.
You have your parents blessing, so dont worry. And you have till december to think and backup, if god forbid something goes wrong.
Till then, try to build a beautiful relationship with your fiance, have fun taklking to him, be like 2 crazy friends and long distant lovers ... trust him and encourage him to do better, inspire him and he might himself want to come to the uk for a better life. Whatever you do, always put him in total trust and never feel superior to him just because you have an english accent or you have a british passport and your thinking is more modern. Understand each other. And agree to disagree.
My FIL is in the army as well, also in Rawalpindi...there's definitely differences in lifestyle from the west to here (i am from the US, visiting my in-laws in Pak for the summer)...however...it's much better than someone living in civilian/normal areas of Pakistan. There's loads of facilities, things are accessible easily...there's safety as well... i think u will adjust fine. My BIL's soon to be wife is coming to live here in August...she's coming from Canada and she's so excited lol. And also govmt jobs in Pakistan are meant to be really good...u'll like it here. :)
Okay.well I moved from.uk to pak.and for the first 2 years ( I.visit uk annually 3-4 months) I.hated going back to pak. But now I'm okay. I don't mind so much I.think most of.the tension is.being homesick
That's.all.
If.u have a.decent husband every thing will be fine. I.have seen marriages break.up and husbands who appear to be shareef and all but are the devil in disguise and I feel blessed alhumdulila.that I have a husband who is genuinely a decent guy.
Okay.well I moved from.uk to pak.and for the first 2 years ( I.visit uk annually 3-4 months) I.hated going back to pak. But now I'm okay. I don't mind so much I.think most of.the tension is.being homesick
That's.all.
If.u have a.decent husband every thing will be fine. I.have seen marriages break.up and husbands who appear to be shareef and all but are the devil in disguise and I feel blessed alhumdulila.that I have a husband who is genuinely a decent guy.
I dont think anyone can tell you what you should do here, they dont know how the guy is, how is family is,and what your lifestyle has been like. In any case, be prepared, life wont be a walk in the park. It's not easy for everyone to adjust in pakistan if they have lived in Europe or US all their lives, but at the same time, many people do and are happy. are you going to be living with his family? if so, make sure you get along with them now and have no problems with them because thats more of an issue than simply living in pakistan.
If the husband and wife's relationship is great, then moving anywhere shouldn't be such a problem. It can work out, yes there will be vast differences between living in the UK versus Pakistan but if you both have a strong relationship then it shouldn't be impossible to get use to it. :) Good luck
well it's all nice and dandy when you have money, status, defense/military luxuries and all which the common folk don't have.
If you have to live in 10-20 hours of loadshedding a day, or deal with the other BS that goes on there, you'd be booking your flights to UK in a heartbeat.
England isn't what is used to be anyway, even the whites are trying to run off to Canada/Australia as it's become a desi ghetto.
Try giving up your UK nationality and see what your other halves say about that ;)
My cousin moved from Canada to Lahore. Her in-laws are well off. Its been 2.5 years, and she still sometimes complains. Although she loves her husbands and in-laws, the adjustment was difficult for her. In Canada, she could go out on her own whenever she wanted, she had friends, she worked, etc. She moved to Pakistan, didnt have any friends there, had no social life, and it really depressed her. She was also shocked at the salary differences. Her FIL was able to get her an admin job at the local school, and she refused because they only paid Rs. 20, 000 monthly. Which, of course if you convert it to dollars, its nothing, but that is probably average salary for that position in Pakistan.
She also hated the loadshedding. And who doesnt??
Anyway, it was an adjustment for her. And it will be an adjustment for anyone. You do have to remember that when you go for a visit, that life you see is not their everyday life. They probably took you out and you guys did fun stuff. Day to day life can be mundane just like it is anywhere.
I will get straight to the point, I am getting married in December. My fiance (a cousin) is from Pakistan and I was born and bred in London. In the initial talks we hadn't discussed our future living plans as I didnt ask him and assumed he would come here. When the topic did come up he said he would like to settle in Pakistan in the future. It was quite a shock and I told him I would have to think about it, we still kept on talking and got to know each other better. I discussed it with my parents who were also not keen on the idea.
Then a family wedding came up and I went there (after 10 years) and I even stayed with his family and really liked it. I got to see their day to day lifestyle once the wedding was over. When I came back my parents asked how it was and if I was still happy and I said yes. Now the wedding is coming closer the more I think about it the more nervous I get about eventually having to move there.
Anyone know someone that has been in this situation and has moved there from the UK? FYI they live in Rawalpindi, his father is working in the army and my fiance has a decent Govt job which he will have to give up as he will initially come to the UK.
Visiting Pakistan for a family wedding for a short while, after 10 years is a completely different experience than actually having to live there permanently. The culture difference is too much. It'll be like moving from a city to a village!
You say he'll initially come to the UK. But how will he when you're living there with him? For him to come to the UK on a spouse visa you'll have to be already living in the UK with a secure job earning over £18,600, showing 6 months-12 months worth of wage slips and must have £16,000 savings in your bank for at least a year. Unless your fiance's, "decent government job" can bring him to London alone on a work visa that is.
If your parents are not keen on the idea then please re-think moving there. Follow your instincts. It's OK to change your mind and say no to moving there. Once you've moved to Rawalpindi he won't want to come to England esp' as his parents are already there. Why on earth would he want to leave them to move to England?
Okay.well I moved from.uk to pak.and for the first 2 years ( I.visit uk annually 3-4 months) I.hated going back to pak. But now I'm okay. I don't mind so much I.think most of.the tension is.being homesick
That's.all.
If.u have a.decent husband every thing will be fine. I.have seen marriages break.up and husbands who appear to be shareef and all but are the devil in disguise and I feel blessed alhumdulila.that I have a husband who is genuinely a decent guy.
Location doesn't matter at the end of the day.
Woah. I didn't recognise you from your post there! Glad to hear you're finally feeling blessed.
How good life is in Pakistan and how easy your transition is going to be depends on where your in laws live, and how affluent they are, since you mentioned they live in Rawalpindi, it wouldn't be too bad because it's much safer than Karachi and the other parts of Pakistan and since they probably live in a military cantonment life would actually be pretty quaint, on the downside Rawalpindi is a mid sized city.
It doesn't have the nightlife Karachi or Lahore could offer, most of the people there aren't very in touch with world affairs, so their mindsets would come as a culture shock to you, but on the bright side you're only an hours drive away from Islamabad which is a cosmopolitan city, it's got a decent nightlife(in fact even better than Karachi now) and you're just a couple hours drive away from Rawalakot to the north and there are many valleys to the northwest within a few hours drive, but obviously life in Pakistan can't be as good as life is in England, you're moving from a first world country to a third world country.
So you're going have to adjust to frequent power outages,bad traffic,terrible roads,contaminated water,water shortages,beggars and homeless people on the streets and then there's corruption, it's hard to get anything done without shelling out some $$$ and the education system is **** + there's no universal healthcare and the doctors can't trusted and there's also the persistent terrorist threat, so your transition won't be easy, at first you will complain a lot and people around you would get annoyed and then eventually you would assimilate.
If you're really religious you wouldn't mind living in Pakistan.
It really depends upon the individual. I have seen people born and bred in the US and living an affluent life there but loved Pakistan once they moved there. Others hated it. If you asked someone like me I wouldn't like to go there at all. Because I won't be living in Defence. Will have to deal with no electricity and the lack of clean water and people's mentality along with safety issues. If you have money and at least basic amenities that are treated as luxuries in Pakistan then yes every place on earth becomes wonderful.
I personally couldn't move there, even thought my husband says he would eventually like to move back.
I would lose my independence there as u just can't get up n go out anytime on your own. The heat n load shedding n difference in food, the Pakistani mindset of people r all factors needed to b considered.
Going for a few weeks is not the same as going to live there.
I met a lady on a flight into Pakistan from the UK who was married to a Pilot in the Pak Airforce. She lived in f15 (I think?) and loved it. She loved the fact she was 'free' to carry on as she pleased-she pointed out that her in-laws originally came from a village near a town in Punjab and she would not be able to cope there.
Her kids were at good schools, she organised social events and planned to take on a teaching post once her kids were older. She loved the standard of life she had.
Moving and how you find it will depend on:
your home set up and how quickly you adjust
what you plan to do with your time
what type of lifestyle you actually want
Load shedding happens, yes. But there are also generators that are great quality.
As for the UK being a ghetto-my grandparents live in a neighbourhood where there are no other Asians. So I highly doubt they live in a ghetto.
The concerns about not being able to come and go as u please etc are kind of the same at any in-laws. However if u literally mean...going out and stuff...we live in Askari and I have an uncle living in DHA Islamabad...and both areas...women walk around freely, come and go as they please. I go out every night at 10PM, no worries no threat. It depends upon where u live...DHA, Askari and Bahria are places where the community is very different to normal arwas of Pakistan and quite safe.
**I personally couldn't move there, even thought my husband says he would eventually like to move back.
I would lose my independence there as u just can't get up n go out anytime on your own. The heat n load shedding n difference in food, the Pakistani mindset of people r all factors needed to b considered.**
Going for a few weeks is not the same as going to live there.
I'd be the same but I've seen other girls move there and adjust ok.. Some even prefer it.. Depends on the individual and their own situation..
A tad difficult if you are into clubbing and stuff. Other than that pretty much everything is possible - provided that there are no issues with respect to husband/in-laws.
