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If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
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If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.
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All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
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All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
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It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
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Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
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The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
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Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
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The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
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A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
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When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
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If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
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During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
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Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
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Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
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A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
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Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
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All single women have a cat.
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Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
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One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
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Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
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Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
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It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
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During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
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When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
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Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.
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When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
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Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
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Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.
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Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
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All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
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It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
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Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
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A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
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If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
I’ve read these before but.. 
:)
Read before but :k: 