Mourning of women on death.

Lifestyle Relationships
1

this topic by all means ain’t started to make fun of a terrible loss due to death.

But as a kid I used to laugh alot when the older women mourned when somebody died in our extended family.

“haye tu kathey chalaaaaaaaaa gayaaaaaaaeeeeein. Hun meraaaaa keeee bun seeeeeeeee, haaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiii”.
(tum kahan chaley gaye ho, aab mera kiya baney ga)
now this women is crying and here comes the second one to console her. "haaaii chuuup ho jaaa merai pahnaayyyy, sabar kar. Allah de marziiii seee, janay ala chlaaaa gayaaaa, tu huuun apney bachaayan da khaaillll keeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr, haaaii. (mere behen chup ho ja, Allah ki marzi thi, janey wala chala gaya haiii, tu ab apney bachon ka khail ker)

And then you hear some random voice “arrraaay wooooh kal hii milaaa thaaa mujheeeyy. haiiii keh raahaaa thhaaa kee Aapa aaap kaay haath ke baaniii hoi rooottiiii khaooon gaaaaaa. Hai mera bahiii apni beheeeen keee hatthhh ke rooootiiii tu khaaa jaataa.” If you think the mourning dialogues are funny then you gotta pay attention to the hands and arms movement that are being swayed from left to right and the fixing of dupata over and over.

But perhaps most heated part is when it’s the funaral time and the body has to taken to it’s final destination. All of a sudden women start shouting, some won’t let go of the death bed, they’d just cling to it. Men are trying hard to pull them off. “haaai choorrr dooo mujheeyy, meinaaay bhii saathh janaa haaiii” a voice would come from some where in the crowd. A couple of slaps brings them back to senses or sometimes knock them out cold.

This scenario is quite common. Don’t think I’m making fun of the situation. It’s horrible. But the thing I want to point out is that if you look at it from the Islamic point of view then mourning is wrong. No where in Quran is written that we gotta mourn the dead like we do in the above described way. You can quietly shed tears, console people, give your condolences etc. What do you think?

2

I think that there is a strong cultural component in mourning rituals, and this way os obviously familiar to the people in the area and family.
And of course, all people are different in the way they express grief just as they are different in the way they express joy and a variety of other emotions.
How many of our practices are Islamically speaking correct? I think you could identify many.

3

Re: Mourning of women on death.

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Shani12: *
this topic by all means ain't started to make fun of a terrible loss due to death.

But as a kid I used to laugh alot when the older women mourned when somebody died in our extended family.

"haye tu kathey chalaaaaaaaaa gayaaaaaaaeeeeein. Hun meraaaaa keeee bun seeeeeeeee, haaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiii".

(tum kahan chaley gaye ho, aab mera kiya baney ga)
now this women is crying and here comes the second one to console her. "haaaii chuuup ho jaaa merai pahnaayyyy, sabar kar. Allah de marziiii seee, janay ala chlaaaa gayaaaa, tu huuun apney bachaayan da khaaillll keeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr, haaaii. (mere behen chup ho ja, Allah ki marzi thi, janey wala chala gaya haiii, tu ab apney bachon ka khail ker)

And then you hear some random voice "arrraaay wooooh kal hii milaaa thaaa mujheeeyy. haiiii keh raahaaa thhaaa kee Aapa aaap kaay haath ke baaniii hoi rooottiiii khaooon gaaaaaa. Hai mera bahiii apni beheeeen keee hatthhh ke rooootiiii tu khaaa jaataa." If you think the mourning dialogues are funny then you gotta pay attention to the hands and arms movement that are being swayed from left to right and the fixing of dupata over and over.

But perhaps most heated part is when it's the funaral time and the body has to taken to it's final destination. All of a sudden women start shouting, some won't let go of the death bed, they'd just cling to it. Men are trying hard to pull them off. "haaai choorrr dooo mujheeyy, meinaaay bhii saathh janaa haaiii" a voice would come from some where in the crowd. A couple of slaps brings them back to senses or sometimes knock them out cold.

This scenario is quite common. Don't think I'm making fun of the situation. It's horrible. But the thing I want to point out is that if you look at it from the Islamic point of view then mourning is wrong. No where in Quran is written that we gotta mourn the dead like we do in the above described way. You can quietly shed tears, console people, give your condolences etc. What do you think?
[/QUOTE]

I know exactly what you are talking about.....exactly...:(

The other thing is the "pooree" thingie....when people come to your home to do "afsoos".

These women doing these things were raised in such a "mowhole"...that they don't find it weird do say or do such things.

Scenes like that are hard to bear....hard...

4

I have heard it said that in some remote villages you can actually hire "professional mourners".....and it is not uncommon to do so.

Anyone know if this is actually true?

5

Re: Mourning of women on death.

:rotfl: :rotfl:

I’m sorry but that’s just too funny. But anyways, I think it’s the way things are. Mourning the dead this way has become a kind of a custom. Eventhough everyone knows it’s wrong it still the way it is.

6

And if one doesn't shed tears people start to think you are glad he/she is dead.

7

I have seen women mourning and it looks so awkward. If you cry at the sudden death of a beloved, that’s understandable, sometimes its hard to control your emotions but the purpose of crying all so loud with weird voices, its more like you are showing off sympathies for the dead person. I feel like it has become more of a tradition in Pakistan, like its important that you cry in front of everyone, so that others may also know that you really loved the departed.

8

The actual janazas are something in Pakistan. I have attended quite a few. The actual members of the household, close relatives of the deceased will be going around with long faces and frequent sobbing... but most guests (I am talking about men) will just be forming pockets of social chit chat, and breaking out in frequent chuckles and giggles and an occassional qehqaha. For God's sake, there is a difference between meeting someone in Gymkhana and in a funeral.

9

^
thats very true...some ppl, usually not-so-related-ones do "socialise" in such a way as if they are on some picnic. and also its so ironic when all these enjoying their "day out" expect some meal after Janaza.

I still remember the time when after Jumma prayers a person in the masjid stood up and asked for some help as that day was his brothers "khatam" and he needed money to feed his guests n relatives. how sick this is on part of such guests. I wish we all start using our brains instead of just follow traditions!

10

There are some families where eating or feeding guests during mayyat is strictly forbidden. As a matter of fact, close relatives and friends take upon themselves to arrange for meals for the family in grief. It's very rude to expect the mourners to provide you with meals.

11

We need to Islamize our habits!

Very sad, how we adapted many Hindu traditions!

12

Munir Niazi said,

** Yeh bain karti aurteiN
RonaqeiN haiN moat ki. **

Not in the same context as yours though.

13

Shani, lol@post. I understand totally and i have shamefully giggled under my dupatta at various funerals not because i haven't felt grief for the dead but because the women have cracked me up with something outrageously idiotic.

My Gran died 6 weeks ago and i can proudly say that none of us, none of my chachas, Dad, us grankids cried loudly. We all sniffled away silently. Mum tried a sentence or two but my 21 year old cousin was like SHUSHHHHHHHHH mayat feels pain when you cry aloud.

But then i reckon there is a difference in mourning depending on how young/old the dead person is. We were going to miss someone who had lived a 100 years and through two centuries but then again it could have been a whole lot different if it was someone younger na. But still LOL at your post - i can just picture it.

14

jee i think zor zor se ro ke aurton ka dil ka bojh halka hota hae…is mein koi burai toh naheen hae? ya hae? :confused:

even if u call professional mourners…tho in my family we dont..i dont see anything wrong…u know sometimes when u go into a major shock tears dont come to ur eyes…but its best for ur psychological and emotional health if u let the flood of emotions out thru tears…that is the purpose behind calling professional mourners from what i understand…

khayr, zor zor se dhaarein maar ke ronay kee meree aadat naheen hae…but yes some women i know do have the habit…i think whatever comes to the person they shud do it because at that emotional time u just need something to drain the emotion out of u, either thru silent tears or loud wailing…at that moment of grief we might not have any idea of what is actually going on in the heart of the person who is wailing and how sad they r…