As a ‘bahu’ you are on great terms with almost everybody in your in laws .. MIL, FIL, BILs, SILs..all the possible ILs You are treated as a daughter rather than the ‘bahu’. Your in laws are the kind non-interfering type too. They don’t impose anything at all. In short a very little less than perfect susraal. we wish
Now here’s the little twist…you notice some internal rift amongst the family members… say between either of the parents (b/w themselves or a parent with their daughter/son) and you notice there is minimal contact and a cold behavior despite living together. And you can clearly see that this makes one of the party really upset.
Since you are on really close and friendly terms with everybody …
Would you want to try solving that rift since it hurts you to see either of them depressed? (i.e. you want to be the selfless caring person here) KNOWING that being the bahu this good gesture could be taken the total wrong way too..
OR
would you just sit back, enjoy the politics and stay out thinking that ’ WHO cares..their life …mera kya jata hai’
OR
The curious cat in you wants to know all the spicy details so would you try to fish out all the background just for the heck of it and then enjoy gossiping about it with your best friends but doing nothing about it
Guys are welcome to answer too if they were in such a hypothetical situation as a ‘taab-e-daar’ damaad
i am a guy but i am wearing a pink saree to get into the girl frame of mind so that i can answer this question truthfully. the things i do for integrity on GS....
OK, so I have personally gone through this stuff several times, so unless someone asks me for their advice, I keep out. The thing is that my inlaws love me for the way things are and I wouldn't change a thing to set things off balance. However, because they are my family, I do care, and if I have an opportunity, without stepping on any one's toes, I do try to put a good word in for the other party. However, I must remember that my position is tricky, so I need to set my boundaries.
If my husband is involved, i'll try to pacify him and will try to fix the situation between him and his family but if it's the rest of the family amongst each other then I'll keep out of way unless necessary. Even if you're that loved daughter-in-law, if you voice your opinion on their personal family matters you can still be seen as an outsider who is trying to intrude. So I'll just avoid getting myself into the situation altogether.
OK, so I have personally gone through this stuff several times, so unless someone asks me for their advice, I keep out. The thing is that my inlaws love me for the way things are and I wouldn't change a thing to set things off balance. However, because they are my family, I do care, and if I have an opportunity, without stepping on any one's toes, I do try to put a good word in for the other party. However, I must remember that my position is tricky, so I need to set my boundaries.
Yes this is the tricky part ...knowing where to draw the line b/w caring or digging a hole for yourself to fall in!
You'd involve your husband and bring to his attention what is going on...if he is involved then if after speaking to him it cannot be solved.....go to another elder in the family...an older brother in law or something....
if the relationship was as loving as you describe....maybe a gentle push of the MIL?
You'd involve your husband and bring to his attention what is going on...if he is involved then if after speaking to him it cannot be solved.....go to another elder in the family...an older brother in law or something....
if the relationship was as loving as you describe....maybe a gentle push of the MIL?
hmm true that ...but whatever one would do can be tricky either way. One wouldn't want to seem too intrusive, nosey and trying to give that oh-so-taiz- image :)
You are treated as a daughter rather than the ‘bahu’. Your in laws are the kind non-interfering type too. They don’t impose anything at all. In short a very little less than perfect susraal. 
without that you wouldn’t fit into girl frame of mind