Re: mother in laws common sense?
Get it altered?
Size 8 and XL suit? Point her to the nearest spec savers
Re: mother in laws common sense?
[quote=““chocolatebuttons””]
You should accept the gifts with a smile, it’s part of etiquettes. .
She’s not wasting your money so I don’t think it’s a big issue.
Re: mother in laws common sense?
You can wear the dress for a while, take pics, and then put on your favourite dress. It’s all about making someone happy, right.
Once I wore a really nasty dark maroon dress my MIL bought me, just so she doesn’t feel hurt and on top she wanted me to do two braids and believe me I did that too just to make her happy…I looked like a clown and I actually served tea to all her desi friends (very fashionable ones) in that nasty dress and two braids but she was really happy and also she stopped bothering me after that.
oh the good ol’ days!
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Re: mother in laws common sense?
To those that have advised to just keep the clothes and hide them away, I can't do that as I'm expected to wear them for eid. They are my eid gift!!! Plus an XL can't be tailored in to a small, esp not a frock dress!
I'm not the kind of person who likes to accept gifts and then hide them away because I know I'll never wear them, I would much rather that the other person just didn't gift me anything at all. What a waste of money to buy someone clothes and for them to pretend to love them and hide them away in a wardrobe when the person gifting could have used that money on their grandkids or on charity.
Fiance has told his mum that the outfit is an XL, she has said that she didn't know it was an XL as it was the size that was given to her by the person in the shop. She did make a point when we were at her house that if the outfit didn't fit me then my sister could have it, so I personally think she did know the size, but whatever he's coming to pick it up and she has said that she will exchange it and I will be wearing a bright turquoise frock for eid.
And to the poster who 'can't see the big deal' please don't post next time you feel that way. Sometimes it's better to say nothing.
Thank you to everyone who offered good advise, it is defintely something I will remember for the future.
My mum in law has a completely different choice in clothes from me. I went through a similar situation, but one day we had gone shopping together and she realized I pick completely different colors/styles than what she would have picked for me. From that day whenever she needs to buy something for me she either takes me along or just gifts me cash instead so i can buy what i like. You can try going shopping with her - maybe she just doesn't realize that styles have changed. Especially true if she doesn't have a daughter. (My mum in law has 2 sons so she herself tells me she doesn't know much about what young women like to wear)
Re: mother in laws common sense?
LMAO!!! You got guts, Hareem. I’d fake a happy smile and thank her for the hideous marroon dress and I’ll even wear it …but that’s as far as it goes…the braids is pushing it.
Re: mother in laws common sense?
^:hehe:
Re: mother in laws common sense?
Okay then just explain to her that it doesn't fit properly? save it for later, when it may fit you and wear your own outfit. As a person who gives a gift like that...you do run the risk of it not fitting so if she really wanted you to wear it for Eid, she could've made an effort to make sure it at least fits you.
other than that....its just an outfit....its not a big deal if you dont' wear it, and honestly....it could be worse.....its not like she's the kind who who will wear fancy/expensive/trendy stuff and then give you substandard stuff would she?
Re: mother in laws common sense?
So my mother in law has gifted me an eid outfit.
I am a UK size 8 so in ready made clothes I will buy a size S (small).
My mother in law to be has gifted me a ready made frock suit in a size XL! That's something like a size 16/18? Does she think I am that large by looking at me?!
Please please advise me on what to do... do I give it back to her and tell her it's the wrong size?
She has gifted suits to my sisters and mum too... for my mum she has given a very old lady style white/light mauvey pink type suit that you see old aunty ji's wear, and for my sister she has given matching maroony purple fabric that is really dark and dull.
We don't wear these kind of things, it's totally not what we would wear or gift to anyone!!! How can I tactfully ask her to stop buying me things? Or tell her to only buy things when I am with her and I choose them myself?
I don't want her to waste her money and I don't want to be forced to wear hideous things that are not my style or taste.
Fiance is clueless as per usual, he even advised that I give the XL suit to my mum, I was like it's too big for my mum and it's a suit for a young girl not an older lady!!
I'll say go for either of these ways
1) if you can try to fit the dress your self or from a tailor. OR wait till you become that size :D
2) donot give her the dress back or say dont buy me any gifts...it will look rude...even if you are gonna say it politely. if she asks you (which she will..i hope) "how was the dress, did u like it?"....so you can very politely say "beautiful dress loved it but its a bit big on me, any possibility for a smaller size".
3) you could tell your fiancee about your choices so next time she goes out to get something for you he goes with her and select things appropriately.
4) you can also have a discussion with your mil regarding what type of stuff u like....or u could show her your own collection of stuff saying "yeh dekhain yeh maine maheena pehle banwaya tha...ek mag main design dekha tha...mujhe is tarah ke lively combinations pasand hain ya is tarah ka kaam pasand hai etc etc".....she will get an idea of your choices.
whatever she gives you just accept it happily....not-so-nice looking clothes can be turned into pretty outfits later on...(with the help of your tailor).
as for what she gave to your mom and sisters...well they should simply accept it without saying anything...because ur mil is not gonna ask them to wear it infront of her.
Re: mother in laws common sense?
If you were XL size and she had sent you size 8, would you have 'complained' the same way?
Or have said:
"Aww she thinks I am slim. That's so nice of her"?
Hardly an issue here.
By the way where is your common sense to deal nicely and politely with this? :)
Re: mother in laws common sense?
dont return it and wear it in front of her n pretend that it isnt a big deal.my MIL is a fahionista n the clothes she sends me were so hideous that kaam walis in pakistan wouldnt want to wear them n i used to weep infront of my husband n asked him is this what she thinks of me? i always called her n said aunty kapray bohat achay hain ,oh i forgot before pregnancy i was an xl in her view n just after delivery i became a size small in her EYES. It kept on for a while n finally she got fed up i think , or se got highly impressed by my sabar ,so i got a really stylish ,designer dress,unstitched this year, s dear sabr karo sabar ka phaal meetha hota hai
Re: mother in laws common sense?
high five hareem !!!
Re: mother in laws common sense?
Agree with Muzna, Wear it and take a photo and send to FMIL..
One she’ll appreciate it and second she will realise herself how big it is.. and get you a smaller size
My MIL has bad taste in clothes and for herself too so whenever I go to see her I get her clothes made as well as mine… and she has an idea of my tastes now in buying material etc
Some of the stuff she bought or had sewn for me in the wedding, i wear them at home around her when I know no one is going to come over 
Re: mother in laws common sense?
You should let your MIL know that the size is incorrect. But other than that there's a huge difference in the ages between a MIL and her DIL, and therefore in most cases there is a difference in taste also. I mean at times I don't like stuff my mom wants to get for me and I love her and she's known me all my life. In those cases, I just tell her if I don't like something and she'll get me something different as there's frankness and honesty in our relationship.
With a MIL you prob shouldn't be so blunt and frank right in the beginning of the relationship as that wouldn't be starting off on the right foot. And some people just have bad taste period. But a gift is a gift - if you don't like it you don't. But then you didn't pay for it either. I would just accept but use it as little as you have to as some of the other posters suggested. How would you like it if someone didn't want to accept gifts you had got for them? Say your fiance? Even if you would be OK with this, you have to recoginize that there is a difference in personalities too. A lot of people wouldn't like it if they got someone a gift and someone didn't want to take it / refused it / returned it as they didn't think it was good enough for them. The best thing with gifts is just to say thank you and accept them.
In time if you get close to ur mom in law and are able to be frank with her, you could tell her to take you shopping with her or ask for cash instead of gifts.
Re: mother in laws common sense?
My motto to giving presents is that I give those presents to others which I would buy for myself.
But some people don't and will really give out the worst presents ever! Many times I have felt like giving presents back or speaking up and asking what on earth they've given. I mean I had a baby boy and one aunty gave me an old looking tracksuit with a pink hood and pink-inside lining with no tag! Why why?! Its better not to gift someone then and offend them. God I really wanted to give it back but stopped myself not to. Had I returned it there would have been no difference between her attitude and mine.
As I am on my maternity leave and have a lot more time now I've been selling all the unwanted gifts on ebay and on my local forum. So you could do the same and make some extra money on the side. :) :) :)
Re: mother in laws common sense?
if your MIL lives near you and she comes over to your place ..make it a point to wear that dress show it to her and say it's absolutely lovely but it's a pity it's a bit bigger don't you think :p
normally sizes do get mixed up ..and if politely told they don't make a big issue but a gift is a gift and it doesnt hurt to wear something once in a while just to make the next person happy.
i am not into shocking bright colours but last year i proudly wore a very pretty (but VERY bright coloured) jamawar chiffon outfit given by my MIL. it wa the brightest shade of ferozi with a hot red dupatta and the panels were mauve..the whole effect looked way too outrageous to me ..but it actually suited me alot and everybody complimented me 'this isn't your style but looks great on you'
:)
Re: mother in laws common sense?
Gracefully accept it...and, forget about it!...that's the best way to deal with it...may be she will realize her mistake/'lack of common-sense' someday. :)
agreed!