mother in law and double standards....

[queen_24]

Re: mother in law and double standards…

@nadz123

here we go.

so i broke my foot. my toe. im in plaster for a month. so far is been 3 weeks. and for the entire time ive been upstairs on my own floor. i came down for eid though. my inlaws are on the floor below. and due to age and their own illnesses they are unable to come up and down the stairs.

however not once have they asked me if im ok. hows my foot. not once have they asked if im hungry do i want somethig. my husband does everything for me. from food to cleaning etc. however when hes at work my bil brings up lunch and dinner { when they remember not as if im important enough to get it on time..lunch is usually 1.30…they give me at 2.30..etc}

reason for complaint? mil treatments of minor headache and etc of her daughter. when her daughter i unwell, we are made to or obliged to ask her contantly and sit with her and treat her like a princess. and this is minor ailments. when my mil is ill, if i don ask how she is atleast 5 imes a day she makes a fuss. she makes a fuss even though we all ask about her and offer her food etc. yet she cant carry out her own principles with me. so she can not come up, she can tex me. when she saw me on eid downstairs, she didnt ask even then.

her daughter is staying over for a few sdays and i had no idea she was here. she didnt even come and see me upstaits.

double stanadards is really affecting me and making me angry. it may sound petty, but i feel mad.

husband says he sees it too, he cares and loves me. wow. like that helps. has he spoken to his mother about her behaviour? no. so his oh jan relax don worry il talk to her…its been months of her akward behaviour he hasnt spoken to her yet makes me think he doesnt care enough.

First of all, dear, how you broke your toe? I am extremely sorry to hear that. May you have a speedy recovery, Amen

Coming to the issue. Nadz, most of the times I am reading you and your issues with in-laws. Judging through your past’s incidences, why do you really want them to be around you at the first place? What do you expect from them?? I am not sure but maybe I suggested you that lessen your expectations towards them is the only thing that can help you be in relief.

They ARE a problem for you and they will remain like this even if they are doing what they should you. They don’t ask for your health neither for the food, what if they offer you the meal and the meal is certainly not of your choice? What if they ask about your health and throw a sarcastic sentence after your reply?? Don’t you think staying out of sight is probably the best solution to you.

Your husband is with you, he loves you, he cares about you and this is all that matters. I even say, stop complaining to him about your MIL, DIL… He is a Man. He can see what’s going around and that’s why he is being more caring and loving towards you. The game can take turn. What if your complains exhaust him at a certain point and he yells that Nads, I have been doing a lot to care about you, to show the affection, but you just don’t care about that? you only care about my Family, my mother my sister?? Kia tumhe main nazar nahin aa raha?? So before its too late and he gets pissed off, forget everything and enjoy the love and care your husband is doing to you… He can see whats going around and sometimes its not necessary to say everything to your husband… when he sees and realises that his wife is quiet, he takes actions in the future.

Yes I had to tell each and everything to my hubby because we weren’t together at that time. I was in Pak and he in here, UK. But when we used to live together in Pak, he was alone enough to judge what is going on and most of the times, he defended me too…

Sisterly advice, stop this choon choon chaan chaan and concentrate on your hubby. You should be thankful you are spending a separate time with your hubby and no one is disturbing you at the moment. Forget them.

I NEVER say, what they are doing is right!! I can totally understand your situation, especially when one is ill, he/she is more sensitive and your concern is quite justifiable BUT, remember, if they are around you, nothings good gonna happen, in fact they will give you tensions for other things, which you certainly don’t want. So unko unke haaal p chordo and stay happy. What you do for them is your generosity and manners, whether they count it or not, you shouldn’t care, kabhi na kabhi zaroor ajar milay ga iska, what they are doing to you is their Zarf… so let them do what they want to do.

Take care and at least, uska shukar ada karo jo sath hay, naa ke unpe ro’o peeto jo is qaabil bhi nahin!!!