"but* if ye fear** that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one...(4:3)" which clearly orders men to either be fair or to not marry at all, despite the fact that we lost many men, Allah Almighty still didn't want polygamy to really take place.*
Allah has clearly given the onus to men here, "if you fear...", hence regardless of the outcome later, if one thinks that he can be fair, he is not committing a sin.
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what if he in fact is being unjust to them..but he fears not? in this case...because he fears not he thinks he is being just/fair............that does not sound right...again..Allah knows whats in your hearts.
yet again...men continuously ignore the conditions and the circumstances it is allowed in...if you really want to do good...marry the widows from iraq and afghanistan...to support them...take responsibility of newly (voluntarily)converted muslimahs! if and only your current wife allows.
*normally muslim men to women ratio seems to doing fine right now.
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Only God knows what is in people hearts, indeed. With onus, surely, comes punishment.
^ and you would know better than Allah?
Ansoon
I see you are feeling good about your snide comment above. For the future, if you feel the need to discuss anything with me directly, please make sure it is a conversation and not a cute little remark otherwise you can expect more of these posts from me.
For the record, no one asked you to get rid of your 2nd 3rd or 4th wife so what are you whining about?
^ and you would know better than Allah?
are u a female!Allah also said this in Surah nisa
"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur'an 4:129]
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ok! dush, u made an important point with good assertiveness, u da man!
i will restrain myself from being shared.
. It is practical. People being doing it for agesssssssssss . Islam permits it. . Women can support women i.e. In time of child birth or sickness . Can help build extended family . Love need to be dissolved/Diluted (Aristotle) . Fun
:@:
Islam only permits it if your wife gives you permission. And if you already have more than one you need to get permission from all of them.
I dont think women were built for sharing husbands.
exactly, no one should have to.
you will do that for yourself, spock.
so, that will be good if you did follow what you said, genuinely and delibrately.
ok! dush, u made an important point with good assertiveness, u da man!
i will restrain myself from being shared.
a woman may share. BUT NOT YOUR HUSBAND.
pretty simple. he is NOT to be shared. he has to be not shared. otherwise, he will not be a husband.
a heart of a woman is a 'complex' as in a building. something that no one can understand, especially a woman's husband, unless he is fully able to read through the mind of the person, the woman he is married to.
yet, can a woman do justice to a split man as a consequence to him being granted self-spliting with many spouses for what ever reasons?
share your reflective thoughts on this?
I couldnt do it but Im sure some women do. Sharing a husband means sharing everything: money, intimacy, love, attention, children, etc etc etc. There is no privacy when there is a third...no one-on-one connection. Its like trying to have a romantic dinner in a crowded restaurant...ever done that? How annoying is it if you want to yell I love you across the table over the noise? You have to try so hard to establish a connection over the din, you almost want to give up and save it for later. But when you're sharing your spouse, when is later? After he is done with the others?
I guess in the Middle East and other areas its more common and accepted for a man to marry again. But then I have to wonder if these men actually establish a loving connection with their wives? How does that work in this day and age? Today, women dont really need a man for money, shelter, name, etc. The only reason I would marry is for love and to have a family someday. Its easy to have an arrangement...but what about the happiness of being married and a family? Do all the wives prepare dinner for one man every day? Do the kids have a specific day to see their father only because they're on a rotating schedule? What about the wives? Do all of them go rushing to the door when it rings?
I cannot fathom how this works in a good way NOW.
you will do that for yourself, spock.
so, that will be good if you did follow what you said, genuinely and delibrately.
Dush, yes, sometimes it takes a little reasoning and perspective from those who get affected to be fully convinced. Your advice is good in this regards, everyone should follow it, and realize how ones life partner would feel about 'sharing their hubby'.
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No, women cannot share their husbands if they are truly in love and value sexual fidelity as part of marital fidelity. No matter what Islam says (and just because something is allowed under VERY strict circumstances doesn't mean that it's GOOD--as in divorce, Allah hates it but allows it. Let's not confuse permissibility with something of high value). Women release a hormone when they have intercourse with their lovers that attach themselves to that person. They cannot share that person when they are in love.
It's very damaging to a woman to know that a man that she is loyal to, is not loyal to her. It goes both ways, and there are no exceptions based on genitalia.
And I take offense to anyone suggesting that polygamy is ok in the case of a dying or barren wife. Women are the companions of men, and vice versa. Our ability to live or reproduce has no bearing on the situation.
--and just because some women are physically able to survive in a polygamous relationship, they do not have the ability to form a deep, trusting, true loving relationship with their husband as a monogamous couple do.
In some cultures (such as certain arab cultures), where polygamy is more commonly found, the higher numbers of these marriages reflect the status of women within that society. Women are bred to believe that they are to be submissive and inferior to men, and thus allow them to take more wives. They are also not conditioned to value sexual fidelity (i.e. with them only), as part of marital fidelity, nor are they socialized to believe in true love.
No, women cannot share their husbands if they are truly in love and value sexual fidelity as part of marital fidelity. No matter what Islam says (and just because something is allowed under VERY strict circumstances doesn't mean that it's GOOD--as in divorce, Allah hates it but allows it.
exactly...apparently...some people find that hard to believe!!
..i dont think it would be polygamy in case of a dying wife..i guess it would be re-marrying...but if i
were in the situation...i would ask him to remarry..but with a stone on my heart of course.. for the sake of my children...though....step mothers dont have a good reputation...they can do more harm than good...i have seen single fathers carry out the role of a mother very gracefully...with love for the mother of their children intact....
no other book besides the Quran says ".....marry only one....." its there for a reason..
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men and their distributive property - in most cases gets the better of absract algebraic inequality between genders. the alibi of 'God Granted US TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS' may get made easily. good men know, dividing their selves does not come easy.
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Why are there are so many debates on this topic? Its all common sense...