Here is another bit from the same author who had written the earlier article that Code_Red posted a while ago. This one was written circa '96.
–abooboo
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Traffic In Lahore:
There’s basically one rule:
He who has the balls, has the right off way. And trust me, Lahoris have a lot of balls (Not to be taken literally). Driving is no small feat. It’s not something you do to get anywhere. It’s not just being in a car and going somewhere…No no no! It’s an adventure, it’s fun, it’s a question of survival, it’s an ego thing…and for some people, it’s war. You NEVER stop. Ever. If you stop, you lose! Lahoris don’t like losing. They would rather slam their car into a 17 ton truck and have their brain sponged off the road than stop. Ofcourse, there are a lot of things you can do before you ram into something. There are other alternatives.
The most important and most widely used driving tool is the horn. Not just any horn…there are moterbikes out there with pressure horns that a train would be proud to possess, horns on little tiny compact cars that would do justice to a factory siren, horns that can blow your head off or puncture a hole in your underwear. And the people who use these horns are gooood. Everything evasive is left untill the last possible moment. Remember, the other guy has to defend himself, he’s is NOT your responsibity. He is out on the road and he should understand that. If he doesn’t, it’s his problem. If you think he’s getting too close to you (anything under half an inch is close)-then you honk (If you aren’t already doing that-It’s a fun thing to do!). You can do short urgent blasts…coming through, coming through! Or you can have long desparate blasts…out of my waaaay, @#&^%@&*!! You can also flash your lights and honk at the same time…you see me? Uh uh? I am coming straight at you at approximately 319 miles per hour…DO YOU SEE ME?
Ofcourse, horns are used for other purposes. You can give a short blast when you pass somebody and give them a “I-had-fun-with-your-mother-last-night-” stare, or you can just tape it down because life sucks and you see no reason why it shouldn’t suck for the guy in front of you. You can also use facial expressions, hand gestures, and rapid tongue movements to let people know what you feel like.
Trucks and buses are a different category all together. Their overall size and strength is only matched by the totally blind faith of a motercyclist in God. If you get too close to a truck its’s gravity takes over and it starts sucking you in. And it’s no fun when you are right in front of the truck and you can feel the heat of its engine on the back of your neck-you kinda have a feeling that the driver is going to have an un-stopable desire to honk anytime. But he doesn’t…not untill you’ve stopped expecting it! Have you ever been hit on your head by a very large brick? That is what it feels like. It’s solid, and it hurts! By the time you realize it’s over, you look like a 23 year old retarded chicken who has just been thorugh proctology. But even these horns don’t affect the most dangerous things on the Lahori roads: Women. Most of them are conveniently deaf, conveniently blind and conveniently oblivious to anything around them. They HAVE to stop every 100 yards (even if they are going at 80 miles per hour) honk, look both ways, try to start the already up and running car, shift the car into neutral and then stand on the gas pedal. Nobody wants to be behind an “auntie”, not unless they want to be a part of the rear end of an auntie’s car. And then there are always people who are very proud of announcing their relationship with people’s mothers because they just happened to be in their way. Old people on cycles are notorious for that. They may LOOK old and harmless , and it may look like you can creep up behind them and scare the crap out of them…but they have probably been in Lahore longer than you have and they know what to say. If you wanna know more about that major hole in your body, piss off an old guy on the road and he’ll tell you all about it.
All in all it’s fun-It’s not boring at all. You get to do lots of other stuff while you are driving, it’s a very social atmosphere. Everybody is always in the middle of the road, irrespective of where they are going. The sides are always occupied by road side vendors and perhaps most importantly…you feel free. You have to be there.
